Say It's Forever (Redemption Hills 2)

“Shy?” I deadpanned. “Look shy to you?”

“Well, I’d say she turned you down like any sane woman would do, but I saw the way she was looking at you, too, so I’m thinking that can’t be it.”

“Nope. She’s going for sane.”

While doing it was slowly making me lose my mind. But I guessed I’d been the one who’d fucked up. Laid down those lines. Kept pressing the friend thing because if I was being honest, I was scared shitless. Scared of the way she made me feel.

Girl was making me question what I was living for.

“Fuck.” Grumbled it aloud. She really was and that was the most terrifying part of all.

Couldn’t let her.

Had to get it together.

To remember my purpose.

“I’m with Logan here.” Trent swatted Logan’s shoulder. “Two of you both looked like you were about to lose your cool.”

On a groan, I scratched at my beard, took a long pull of my beer.

“Think I’m fucked,” I finally admitted. Didn’t see a point in denying it then. Two of them could see right through me, anyway.

“How’s that?” Logan asked, sitting back in his seat.

Disbelieving laughter rumbled out, spite in the words. “Two of us figured we should just be friends.”

Logan howled, smacking the table again like it was the most hysterical thing he’d ever heard.

Part of me agreed.

“Friends. Oh my god. That’s fuckin’ priceless.”

I glowered at him. Dude just laughed harder.

“A word to the wise, brother. Friends doesn’t work. You really think you’re going to ignore all of that?” Innuendo lined the question as Logan twirled a finger through the air, like he could stir that energy that raged between us.

“Well, considering she works for me, I’m thinking that’s all she can be.”

Among five thousand other reasons.

“Uh…hello…Trent over here is actually marrying Eden, and you know he had his tiny dick all up in her sweetness the whole time she was working here at Absolution.”

Trent grunted. “Watch it.”

Logan raised both of his hands. “Hey, man, just telling it like it is. Tiny included.” He mouthed the last.

“Will knock your ass out,” Trent warned, though there was a smile cutting at his mouth.

“Terrified.” Logan grinned.

Trent shook his head. “You’re a disaster, man. Tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do with you.”

Logan hooked his arm on the back of the booth and jostled his index finger of that hand in my direction. “Nah, man, I think it’s our brother here who’s a disaster.” Tone of his voice shifted, filling with a real question, pushing at the marrow. “Are you going to make a move or what?”

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on the table, rubbed my fingers over my mouth like it could wipe away the truth of the words. “You know I can’t.”

“Yeah, and why’s that?”

“You know why.”

Logan scoffed as he came to the realization of what I was getting at. “Are you kidding me? Tell me you aren’t still waiting on her?”

I couldn’t answer.

Disbelief shook Logan’s head. “Kennedy deserted you, man. Took your kid and ran and didn’t look back. She doesn’t deserve you. I know it sucked balls when she left, but anyone who doesn’t see you for who you are isn’t worthy to stand at your side, and that’s the goddamn truth.”

“And who am I really?” Challenge left me on a low punt. “A beast?”

A grin split his face. “Yup. The teddy bear kind.”

Fucking Logan. But that was the thing about him. Dude didn’t know the half of who we’d been. The half of what we’d done. The sins we’d committed and the atrocities we’d perpetuated.

We’d hid it from him, protected him the best we could, though there was no question some of that bullshit had seeped below the surface.

I shook my head and looked away, into the throbbing mass as if it could offer distraction. “Hardly,” I muttered.

“You said it yourself, Jud.” Trent leaned forward over the table, tatted finger jabbing into the wood, voice just loud enough to be heard over the roaring beat. “This place? It’s our second chance. The whole reason we came here.”

Agony clawed through my consciousness, and I looked between my brothers. Two people who meant the most to me. Only ones who could truly get it.

“And I already used up that second chance, didn’t I?”

Trent’s tongue dipped out to wet his lips. “Fuck that, man. Like Logan said, Kennedy didn’t deserve you. Not for a fuckin’ second.”

Old misery left me on a scoff. “It was me who didn’t deserve her or my daughter.”

“Bullshit,” Logan spat, leaning forward. “You’re the best. The fucking best, so don’t you dare let any of that get in your way. Yeah, it hurt. I know it, man. I know it.” His face blanched. “But we only have this one life, and we’re fucking lucky that we do, and it’s your duty to live it. Go after what makes you happy. And wallowing around in your misery waiting on someone who didn’t take the time to really see you? Fuck, Jud, I know you want to live for what’s right, but I think it’s time you figure out what that really is.”