I was so tired of the hurt. Of the loss and the fear and the veins of joy that always got stripped away.
My spirit shook.
Struck with the realization.
I wanted that vein that I’d found with him to widen and withstand.
Fear clutched my stomach in a grip, rising against the hope that kept bubbling up. It made me feel like I was being tugged in every direction. Questions and worries and these building dreams at odds.
At war.
Before I got lost in them, I grabbed my little purse I’d had from last night, slipped it over my shoulder, and walked toward the door.
Jud cut me off at the pass.
He spun me around and pressed me to the wall. He kissed me hard. Those big hands framed my face while he did. His lips were soft and sweet and enticing.
Emotion rioted.
Want. Fear. Hope.
What was I doing?
Setting myself up for it to hurt worse when this came to an end, that was what.
Pulling back, he canted me a knowing smile. “Don’t freak out on me, darlin’. I see those pretty little feet itching to run.”
“They run from the pain.” The words hitched when I let the admission bleed free.
He brushed the pad of his thumb over the apple of my cheek, his head tipping to the side, his words rough and laden with the promise. “I won’t ever hurt you. No one else is going to, either.”
Trust.
I wanted to give it to him.
All of it.
Ask him to keep me. Stand by me. Fight with me.
My teeth ground hard when I realized the selfishness of that.
He leaned down and pecked a kiss to my forehead. “Let’s get you home.”
Home.
The longing hit me full force.
A smack in the face.
Jud touched my scar like he felt it, too, then he stepped back and took me by the hand, leading me out of his loft and downstairs. He bypassed his bike and opted for his truck. He helped me into the passenger’s seat and leaned up to buckle me in.
I grinned. “I can do that.”
“Now why would you go and do something like that when you can have all of this doin’ it for you?”
He ran his lips up the column of my throat and to my jaw when he said it.
My heart thundered in my chest.
The man didn’t fight fair.
He chuckled low as he shut the door, and the mammoth of a man rounded the front of his truck.
He hopped in. His presence overpowered the cab.
Citrus and spice.
A warm fall night.
The breaking day.
A whisper of new life.
He pushed the button to open the garage, and he started the truck, backed it out, and took to the road.
He kept grinning over at me as we traveled the quiet, sleeping streets.
Slow and sure.
A little cocky.
Too much of everything I hadn’t known I needed.
All while that energy spun and churned and built into a mountain as big as him. A force that couldn’t be conquered or subdued.
I didn’t think a word had been said between us by the time he made the last turn into my neighborhood. He pulled to a stop at the curb, and he left the truck running when he hopped out and came around to my side.
He opened the door to help me out.
Fire streaked up my arm when he took my hand.
But it was the flames that burned, wasn’t it? What left us ash?
I needed to remember.
Remember.
“Thank you.” Apparently, those were the only two words I knew since I couldn’t come up with anything else to say.
The problem was, I couldn’t figure out where we were supposed to go from there. What last night had meant other than…everything.
Maybe that was the most terrifying part of all.
Jud laughed a low sound as he shut the door and leaned back against the metal, those giant arms crossed over his chest. “Oh, it’s my pleasure, darlin’.”
My lips tipped up, and I touched the steady pounding at his chest. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”
He just grinned, and I turned and edged up the walkway. Quietly, I slid the key into the lock. I looked back at him as I did.
“Are we still friends, darlin’?” A playful smile kissed his mouth when he asked it.
My smile his elicited was riddled with affection.
“Is that what you want to be?” Somehow, I pulled it off as a tease.
Jud shook his head, that smile so bright on his face, like he didn’t know what to do with me.
Figuring I’d wind up spending the whole day standing there grinning at him like a fool if I didn’t stop this madness, I forced myself to turn the knob.
He waited there with all that arrogant tenderness until I disappeared inside the hushed, sleeping house. I had the door locked behind me before he moved back to his side and climbed into his truck.
Yeah, I knew since I was peering at him through the drape that covered the window, and damn it, if the man didn’t take a piece of my heart with him when he drove away.