Her Shadows, His Secrets

No, I have tastes, a hunger that has to be met, and since I’ve been here, it hasn’t. Leaving me violently in need of it.

Control.

Lust.

Venom for my veins.

I need to bury myself inside a woman, lose my mind in the control and dominance I would claim from her. But I can’t do that here. Everyone is either married or we went to high school together. Besides, they wouldn’t satisfy my needs. This dead space isn’t the only reason I left for the city. It didn’t hold the amount or the variety of women I need in order to sate my cravings, to please the palate.

A decent man would say that is cruel, but I’m not a decent man. I’m a devil among saints. There is a side of me that no one sees, not even the women who submit to me. On their knees, peering up at me, praying I show them who I really am. Little do they know, I already have. I’m a monster, and no one would ever know.

Looking at my naked form, even I notice I’m more defined than I usually am. I’ve always been fit, but the new dips, muscles, and cuts along my skin are proof of this pent-up need. I’ve been working out whenever I get the chance, using it as a way to get my… aggression out. My eyes trail the length of my tense body, ending at my hard cock.

“Fuck.” I need to release some of this frustration or this dinner with my sister and parents is going to be murderous. Closing my eyes, I wrap my fist tightly around my stiff shaft, the head wet with pre-cum. I smear the warm liquid around the head and down the length, my veins throbbing with my pulse.

I close my eyes and begin stroking myself. Slow at first. So fucking slow. Doing this on purpose, knowing the buildup will make the climax that much more intense and satiate me enough to get me through.

“Oh yeah,” I moan, the sound filling the bathroom. I try to imagine a woman here with me, but it’s no use. I just need a release; no time to try to play a highlight reel of all the faceless women I’ve fucked. I pick up speed, chasing the oblivion I know can never truly be reached. It’s a temporary fix for a man like me. Never fully satisfied. Never able to settle.

“Fuck yeah,” I growl, the sound feral.

Get the job done.

Go back to New York.

And fuck the first willing woman you see, I tell myself, the climax building. Just the knowledge that I’ll be able to go home and find a plaything is all I need to shoot violent streams of cum onto the bathroom counter and into the sink.

I keep my eyes on the mirror as I come down from the top of my pleasure. The blackness in my eyes begins to fade as the brown in them returns.

The monster is silenced…for now.

“You ready to be bombarded with a million and one questions?” my sister asks two steps ahead of me as we approach my parents’ front door.

“Yes,” I respond.

“What’s with the dark and broody? You okay?” Brenda eyes me inquisitively.

Snapping out of it, I open the door and nod for her to go in. “Nothing. Work was busy today. I’m distracted.”

She chuckles. “Who knew IT could be so tiring? You would think you were doing illegal stuff.”

Furrowing my brows, I laugh at her as I shut the door and remove my jacket. “What?”

“You know, like hacking systems to find bad guys. That would be stressful. Helping companies get their systems up and running doesn’t seem like it would be this taxing, I guess.” She shrugs.

“Then it’s a good thing you aren’t in IT. You wouldn’t be able to keep up.” I tilt my head, watching her roll her eyes.

“Smartass.” She turns and heads to the kitchen.

Rolling up the sleeves of my flannel, I follow her, a cocky grin on my face. I love when she can’t think of a better comeback. The only thing I miss about this town is seeing my sister.

I don’t like people. I have some male friends back in New York, but for the most part, I don’t like many. They seem boring, lacking anything to add to my life. Oh, I know it sounds cruel, but once again, I never claimed to be a nice man, a gentleman. Self-serving isn’t a negative term to me. Brenda—she is the only one who doesn’t make me want to plug my bleeding ears because of boring conversation. Maybe it’s because she and I are cut from the same cloth and tend to act like it. She can be just as fierce and controlling, not as deeply rooted as me, but she is very much a hardheaded, strong-willed person, just like her brother.