Her Shadows, His Secrets

“No, I’ve had one, but he kind of ruined it all for me if I’m being honest.”

“What did he do?” Heather’s eyebrows draw in, concern etched on her face.

“It’s a long story and a really woe-is-me kind. It’s totally in the past.”

“Clearly not if it’s ruined you for dating still,” Vanessa speaks softly. I can tell there is no judgement or ridicule coming from them, nor is there any pity.

“You don’t have to talk about it, Hanna.” Brenda jumps to my defense as always, but there is no defense needed. One thing about coming to Cherry Hill is I want to be more open, give myself the chance to have friends, be social, open up, and find a place that I never had. A home.

Little by little, I’m peeling back layers of myself, some parts more painful than others, but in time, I hope that I blossom into the version of me that makes me the happiest. The one I can feel safe in, comfortable in, content in.

“It’s fine. I was dating this guy; he was way out of my league. We were in high school. I was convinced when he started talking to me that it was a joke.” Tilting my head, I breathe out. “Turns out, I was right. We dated for a little over two weeks. He complimented me left and right, spoiled me with time and affection, and the minute after I gave my everything to him…” They know what I mean when I say this. I can see it in their eyes. There’s the pity. I don’t need it. I have enough self-loathing-like pity. “The next day, everyone at school knew, and he and his buddies were laughing about it, saying that the poor chubby girl was desperate, and it turned out I was the punchline to the worst joke of my life.”

“What a fucking asshole! What’s his name, and I swear I’ll tackle his bitch ass to the ground,” Heather expresses.

“Seriously. We can all show up at his house and punch him in the nut sac.” Semra looks out at the water, shaking her head.

“I love you girls. Thank you, but I’m good now. I’ve gone through a lot worse.” I lie. I lie through my teeth as if I’m so good at hiding it, because I am. I’m deeply wounded. Hurt by my past. It haunts me most days, but I’m also tired of being the sad girl at every new gathering I’m at. Some scars are closed and only outwardly show for a reason, to remind you to be careful and to never open the skin again.

“Well, you know what? I fucking applaud you for going through all the shit you did and still being a kickass, bad bitch.” Brenda holds up her beer in cheers, and I tap my Smirnoff against hers.

“Agreed!” The three other girls join in, and for the first time in a long time, it feels different. I feel a little bit bolder and little bit more like me. Whoever I am.

The day is going nicely, the sun, the water, the company. It’s all perfect. Surprisingly, I didn’t burn, but a nice tan is coming in.

“Ladies, you all look lovely. Want some company?” A group of men approach us, and I instantly get the creeps from all of them.

You know that moment in every college movie when they step into a frat party, and instantly everything seems like it’s going to end badly? Yeah, that’s what these guys bring. I keep my head down in the book I brought. Brenda is out on the water in a tube, leaving Semra, Vanessa, and Heather to do the talking. They seem to know some of the guys, so handling them should be something they can do on their own.

“Hey, you must be JD’s granddaughter,” the one with shaggy sandy-blonde hair says, coming to sit in the empty chair Brenda was sitting in earlier.

“Oh yeah, I’m Hanna.” I stick out my hand to shake his, and he takes it.

“I’m Ryland. I’m—”

“Fucking leaving,” a low grumble sounds from behind us, and I know that voice all too well already.

Turning, I see Theo, his fists balled at his sides, the veins in his neck protruding. He looks murderous.

“Theo, what are you doing here? This was a girls’ day!” Brenda yells from her tube in the water.

“Clearly not, since these townies are here where they don’t belong,” he seethes, and I shake my head.

“Ryland, I’m sorry. I don’t know what his problem is. You don’t have to leave,” I tell him, fuming when he stands to leave anyway.

“No, really, I should. I have something I’ve got to get to anyway.” He looks to Theo, and I see the fear he holds.

“Hanna. Come with me. Now,” Theo growls.

“Not a fat chance. You were so rude,” I scold him.