Her Shadows, His Secrets

JD,

Hanna doesn’t want to know you, and we don’t want you knowing her either. You kicked me out and left me to fend for myself. Please stop. Just stop. We have nothing to say. Hanna, her father, and I are happy finally after what you did to us.

I keep going, confused by what I read each time, because they’re not in any kind of order.

JD,

I read Hanna the letters. She doesn’t want to know you either. You need to live with the consequences of what you did. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Lizbeth,

Sweetie, I miss you. I know I shouldn’t have kicked you out after I found out what Joe did. Money is nothing compared to family. I shouldn’t have kicked you out. If you would have told me that you were pregnant, I would have forgiven it all.

I was angry. I didn’t want you to be with a dishonest man who would steal, cheat, and lie. He stole a lot of our money, sweetheart, and I know he hits you. I see the marks. Please come home so I can keep you safe. You and the baby…is it a girl a boy? I love you, Lizbeth. Please know that.

JD,

You kicked me out. You kicked me to the curb, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did it when I was pregnant. I thought you should know I’m having a baby, and I will never let you meet this child.

Lizbeth,

The drugs. Did you stop them at least? Now that you’re pregnant? Please tell me you stopped. Keep my grandchild safe. If you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for her. I can’t believe it’s a girl. Please come home, and I will take care of you.

JD,

I hate you. You ruined my life. After mom died, you left the burden on me. You locked yourself away and left me alone to suffer. My life ended up the way it did because of you. I was left to suffer alone, because you couldn’t even get out of bed. You never cared to ask me how this was hurting me. I hate you. So much!

Dearest Hanna,

I’m writing this in hopes that it may let you have some insight on why your mother and I are estranged. If I’m honest, it’s my fault. It wasn’t right of me to mourn your grandmother, her mother, so deeply that I let Lizbeth suffer alone. It was my job to protect her, to keep her safe, to be the parent she needed when she lost her mom—her best friend. But I can’t take that back.

I won’t blame her for anything. Because I want her to know I am to blame. We all have faults, but at the end of the day, I was her parent and should have taken care of her and taken the blame.

When she left, I didn’t know she was pregnant with you. I just knew about the bad things happening between your father, her, and me, and I felt I had no choice. I see now that I was so very wrong for that. But please, let me be in your life. Give me the chance to be. We are family, and I want to bring my girls home.

You should be eighteen now. Old enough to make your own choices. And I hope that somewhere in those choices, you can find it in you to forgive me and give me a chance.

I understand you may need time, but please consider. I have letters for you, stored away for every birthday I missed, every special occasion. Because I didn’t know if you would want to read them. I held on to them, because I felt you were too young to be put in the middle, to make a choice on whether or not to forgive me and get to know me.

I’m here, waiting. My door is always open. There is love here. I’m waiting. I love you. No matter what, know that I love you. I don’t know who you are or what you’re like, and I bet you’re thinking “how could he love someone he’s never met.” But I do. I’ve loved you since the minute your mother told me she was pregnant with you.

I want to see if you look like her. Or like me. Did you get my genes or your grandmother’s, or even your father’s? I want to know what you like. Music? Books? Movies? I love books; they are my escape. Do you read? If not, what do you like to do?

God, there is so much I want to know about you. But most of all, I want to be a family. Maybe we can start now?

Write back when you are ready. Only when you’re ready. The ball is in your court, my sweet grandchild.

I love you.

Love, Grandpa

JD

I read your letter. But it’s too late. What you did to my parents is unforgivable. My mother turned to drugs and stealing, a life of danger and darkness, because of you. I don’t want to know you. I want to protect my mom and dad. I choose my parents. In fact, I will act as if you never existed. You are dead to us. You left my parents broke, without a penny to their name, and now I suffer for it too. The least you could do is send them money to help them.