“Who else would it be? Who would have this number?”
“I don’t know.” She lets out a shaky laugh. “You’re right. It doesn’t make much sense. I’m just jumpy, I guess.”
My mouth opens, and I’m about to ask why that is, but good sense prevails. After everything she’s been through, she has every right to be jumpy. Even so, I’ve already promised her safety. Why isn’t that enough?
It’s not easy to suppress my impulse to flare up in anger. “Remember what I told you. You’re safe. You have me to protect you. Anyone who thinks they can so much as look at you the wrong way will have me to deal with.”
She’s quiet again, too quiet for my liking. “Aspen?” I prompt. “Is something wrong? Is there something I should know?”
This time, there’s no hesitation. “No, nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s one thing to hear something and even know it, but sometimes, it takes a while for things to sink in.”
“All you need to do is trust me.”
“You’re right, I’m sure.” She doesn’t sound so sure. I hate not being able to see her, touch her, hold her. I need to stare into her hazel eyes and find the truth she’s concealing.
Perhaps I need to settle for the next best thing. The only way we can connect that won’t lead to me making the mistake of fucking her again is to do it this way. I can hear her voice. My memory and imagination can fill in the rest.
“You sound tense.”
“I guess I am. I mean, I feel like I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Another long pause. “I never know what to expect from you either.”
“You know what to expect.”
“Do I?” She laughs, but there is no humor. “Because you act the opposite of how you should. Pushing me away and being cold isn’t how to make me forget you. I know you don’t mean it. I wish you’d tell me what you really want. I mean, really truly.”
“What I really, truly want right now is to have you here with me. In my room.”
She goes silent. Did I go too far? Is it too soon? I only told her the truth.
“What?” she whispers.
“I want you here with me. In my room. I can’t help it.”
“But you don’t want me. You only want to have sex.”
If only that were true. “What’s the difference?”
“Quinton.”
“Aspen. I want you. There’s no truer thing in my life. I never feel as good as I do when I’m inside you.” I pause a beat. “And you never feel as good as you do when I’m inside you.”
“Don’t speak for me,” she warns.
The fight is draining from her voice, whether she knows it or not.
“Don’t pretend you don’t wish we were together. We both know it isn’t true.”
“But…” Her sigh is heavy. “It’s different now. After… you know.”
I know, and I would happily kill the fuckers again for everything they took from her. She can’t even take pleasure in her body without remembering how they defiled her.
“You can’t let them control you now. I know I’ll never understand what you’re going through, but I know that. You deserve to move on.”
I’m ready for her to accuse me of having a vested interest in whether she ever has sex again. Instead, she whispers, “I want to. I don’t know if I could ever feel good again. It’s like I’m broken now.”
My heart stirs. It’s not an everyday sensation for me. Now, I’m determined to do something other than kill. I want to prove her wrong. I want to show her that she’s many things but broken is not one of them.
“You’re not broken. You’re stronger than you’ve ever been. You’re also beautiful. Intelligent. Kind. Brave. You’re so many things nobody could ever change. And you deserve to claim every part of that.”
“Where is this coming from?”
“Do you have to ask?”
She’s quiet again for a moment. I feel I’m about to be told to fuck off, but like always, she surprises me again. “Will you help me?”
“Help you?”
“Feel good? I mean,” she blurts out, “without being here? I’m not ready for the actual act yet. But if you could talk me through it… I want to see if I’m still capable of…”
If I didn’t already want her, the self-doubt she’s wrestling with would be enough for me to agree. She deserves to enjoy her body again. She deserves everything, and I want to give it to her.
“Yes. Whatever you need.” Meanwhile, my cock’s twitching. This might be about Aspen, but he wants in on it.
“I’m going to lie down,” she says. I do the same, lying back on my bed with my feet on the floor.
“It’s just the two of us,” I remind her in a gentle voice I hardly recognize. Only she could bring this out of me. “You’re safe.”