Was my kid a mutant?
A knock on the door joined the pitiful wailing, and I carefully carried him over, taking each step like a little kid carrying a full glass. I was terrified of dropping him or banging his head on something.
Opening it up, I saw Marcus frowning as he took in the situation, his niece, Bronte, curled up in his arms. When it registered that I was holding a baby, his expression turned from confusion to worry.
“Jesus Christ, please tell me you didn’t steal that baby.”
After I’d explained the situation to him, we’d organized all of the baby crap, and Santana had helped us get him to sleep. I felt like I could breathe a bit easier now that he was resting.
Marcus had stayed over and was asleep on the floor now, his hand on Bronte’s stomach, and Santana had gone home to get a couple of hours sleep but was coming back first thing in the morning to help me again. I’d been a defensive asshole to her without even meaning to. I’d have to fix it, but it was hard to feel any other way just now.
Going up to my room, I sat on the bed and made my mind up. Pulling the letter out of my pocket, I opened it, needing to reread it now that I was a little bit calmer.
Remy,
You’re going to be pissed, I know that, but I can explain.
I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was seventeen weeks. By that point, we’d decided to end whatever it was that we had going on between us, and I was scared you’d think it was a fake pregnancy.
I should have told you, and I’ll always regret not doing it. There are just so many women who try and trap guys with pregnancies… It’s hard because I didn’t want to be one of them. If you think about it, you’ll probably be able to name at least one guy it’s happened to.
If you’re reading this, then know I was going to tell you eventually. I just didn’t know how or when. Yes, I could have requested a DNA test while I was pregnant, but I wasn’t sure if they’d have to take fluid from around the baby to do it, and that scared me.
He’s definitely yours, but get the test done if you need that peace of mind. I don’t blame you if you do.
I decided to write this in case something happens to me. Dramatic, right? At least you’ll know the reason I didn’t tell you wasn’t because of you, it was because of me and the fact I’m scared that you won’t believe me.
Please look after him and enjoy every second you have with him. I don’t know how long I got to hold him for because I gave my parents this letter to give to you in case something happened but know that I loved him from the second I knew he existed.
I hope you both have the best life, and I’m just sorry I won’t get to see it. (See, totally dramatic.)
Don’t forget to tell him I love him all the time and I’m sorry.
Carrie xox
Folding it carefully, I put it in the safe in my bedroom, where I kept all my important papers. She wasn’t wrong, I could name three guys fake pregnancies had happened to, including Marcus’s cousin, Cole, when he was younger. It didn’t make me feel any better, though.
I wasn’t sure how long babies slept for, but I knew I needed to be rested so I could cope when he woke up.
The emotions flowing through me were eating away at me. I should have been told when Carrie found out she was pregnant. I should have been notified when he’d been born. It was hard to believe it wasn’t down to them not trusting me to be a father to him, regardless of what they’d all said. And the fact the hospital hadn’t tried to reach out… It was a fucked up mess.
Although it sucked and I was fucking emotional, I knew rationally that I couldn’t change the past, I just had to look to the future. Taking a crash course in parenting was the only option I had because now that I knew about Tobias—Toby, as Santana had called him—I couldn’t let him go. He was already a part of me.
Life can change in the blink of an eye, which is precisely what had happened to mine. All of the plans I had were going to change. I just had to take it one step at a time and prove to myself, Toby, and everyone else that I could be the best dad in the world.
Maybe with time I’d get the answers to my questions, but I’d already missed out on three weeks of his life and helping him through the problems he’d had. I didn’t want to waste more time being angry about things I couldn’t change.