They couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Merrick had gone out of his way to include us in everything and always asked us for our opinions on things. Before he proposed to Mom, he’d taken us to the zoo and had asked us if we’d be okay with him marrying her. When we’d both said yes, he’d made us a list of promises, and he hadn’t broken one of them to this day.
That said, Mom fell pregnant with Hart not long after dad got offered a job in Portland, and that’d been when the second hit had come. I was angry at Dad for moving away and scared we’d get relegated to the sidelines by Merrick. If it hadn’t been for Pawpaw I likely would have had a breakdown. He’d been so excited when he’d first met us with our Mawmaw, he’d been shaking as he’d jumped out of his SUV filled with toys and shit for the backyard for us to play on. That was the kind of grandparent he was, and we’d never doubted we were the center of his world since the first time we’d met him.
The day they’d told us Mom was pregnant, I’d snuck into the back of Pawpaw’s car when he’d been leaving with a packed bag. He hadn’t let on that he’d known I was there, curled up in the gap between his seat and the back row with a blanket over the top of me, until we’d gotten roughly five miles away. He’d just reached back, patted me on the top of my head, and told me I could stay with him for a couple of days. I hadn’t been made to feel stupid for being scared, hadn’t been laughed at, nada. He’d listened to my fears, answered me honestly, and had promised to hold my hand throughout the pregnancy.
Looking back on it, I could see now that although my worries had been valid, I hadn’t had much to worry about. Merrick and Mom would never have picked a favorite child or ignored us because of the baby, but I guess my dad moving so far away at around the same time had made me feel insecure.
Croix hadn’t been as bothered by it all like me, but he’d been fully immersed in football and whatever shit he had going on at thirteen. He’d always been more outgoing than I was, and more confident, so that may have had something to do with it.
But without Pawpaw and Mawmaw, I don’t know where I’d be today. I’d like to think I’d be wise enough not to run away or do something stupid, but I'd never know for sure without that avenue ever being the one I took.
So, with all that being said, there was no doubt in my mind that Croix had been set up by our grandpa. And as always, we were so in tune with each other, we played the same game with him without even needing to confirm it with each other first.
“You knew I was there, old man.”
“Because my car smelled like stale farts. Boy, don’t you ever wash? Remember when I had to buy you a bag of deodorant because you didn’t take the subtle hints I’d left you around the place?”
“Oh, I took them. You just wanted to embarrass me in front of the team.”
Their argument was cut short by a sad cry as Toby woke up fully and realized he was alone.
“As fun as this trip down memory lane is, I need to go and get Bub and then tell his dad we’re headed to my place for a bit.”
“I’ll go and see Remy if you want?” Croix offered.
Given that he knew him because his brother served with mine in the Marines, this wouldn’t be an awkward option. Still, I wanted to check on him myself.
“It’s cool. I want to make sure his nose has stopped bleeding, and he’s taken his painkillers.”
Leading them inside, I bent to scoop Toby up, smiling into the top of his head when he immediately quit crying the second he was in my arms.
“You’re a hug extortioner, Bub, but I don’t mind that one bit.”
“Jesus Jones, I swear that kid grows faster than the Hulk. What the hell are you feeding him, Tana?” Pawpaw asked, gently running his hand over the top of Toby’s head. Lifting it to see who was with us, the kid practically jumped out of my arms when he saw my grandpa. “I see you, Toby. You wanna come see Pawpaw? Mawmaw’s going to be so ticked when she finds out I saw you and didn’t bring her with me.”
Here’s the thing—kids loved him. He didn’t even have to do anything to make it happen, and I had to figure that they instinctually knew he’d keep them safe. Merrick was the same. I couldn’t really recall either of them getting angry, except for when they heard about a kid being abused or hurt in any way.