The Epic Crush of Genie Lo (The Epic Crush of Genie Lo 1)

“Are you sure you can’t help?” I asked. “Being a warrior god and all?”

He seemed to appreciate that I’d remembered his stature, but he shook his head all the same. “Very sure. My hands are tied because of that idiotic laotouzi.”

“What old man? You mean Quentin? I don’t think he’d be so petty as to reject your help in this case.”

“No,” he said. “I meant my uncle. The Jade Dunderhead.”

Whoa. I wasn’t expecting that kind of talk from the god everyone understood to be the poster boy for filial piety. I nudged my chair away from him in case the ground cracked open and swallowed him whole.

“You look surprised. Did you think I liked my uncle’s decisions? That I approved of his methods? That do-nothing is responsible for this world going to the dogs, in my opinion.”

“Only the Goddess of Mercy stretches the limits of what we’re allowed to do on Earth,” he said. “If someone as active and strong as her were in charge, we would never have ended up in this scenario to begin with.”

Huh. I approved of this outspoken version of Erlang Shen. We were aligned on a surprising number of levels. It was too bad I only got to see him while our counterparts were having it out.

“A word of wisdom, on both the demon-hunting front and on sharpening your powers,” he said. “Don’t let the setbacks mess with your overall progress. I know that Guanyin is going to hound you over every outcome, but what’s done is done. Focus on becoming stronger, which you can control, over possible failures, which you can’t always.”

That was pretty decent advice. Anna-like, in a way. “Got any sugg

estions on getting into a good college?” I asked.

“Yeah. Bribe the hell out of everyone you can.”

I laughed out loud. Erlang Shen pretended to look insulted, but he couldn’t prevent his grin from peeking out.

“What?” he said. “It’s the truest Way, if there ever was one.”

Quentin and Guanyin came back in and sat down, each wearing the sourest, most ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend-y faces I’d ever seen. Seriously, after that display nothing was going to convince me that they hadn’t broken up with each other at least three times.

“You’re doing well,” Guanyin said. She was clearly not the Goddess of Lying to Make You Feel Better. “And I know that it seems unfair that I hold you to account for a perfect record like some overzealous schoolteacher. But a slipup like this, so early on in your endeavors, has consequences.”

She waved at Erlang Shen. “Remember his thing with the tea, and the swirling, and the whatnot? If you don’t, he can do it again.”

Erlang Shen raised his eyebrows at her dismissive tone. “I remember,” I said. “No need.”

“Then if you’ll recall, yaoguai are attracted to masses of spiritual energy,” Guanyin said. “And that includes other yaoguai. Especially powerful ones. Previously it was just you and Sun Wukong involuntarily broadcasting your signals throughout the cosmos, but now this faceless man is doing it as well. The demons will be coming faster and in greater numbers now. You’ve made this job significantly harder on yourselves.”

God.

Friggin’.

Damn it.

I knew there was going to be blowback. Erlang Shen and Quentin might have thought from their lofty, dude-tinted perspectives that everything was cool, but Guanyin’s simple truth threw that idea right out the window.

“I don’t let yaoguai get the best of me,” Quentin said, falling back to platitudes. “We’ll manage.”

“I sincerely hope so,” Guanyin said. “Once Red Boy makes his move, you two will need your undivided attention to stop him. If he comes to Earth while you’re still chasing your tails, then there is no limit to the damage he could do.”

She gave a brief, flat chuckle. “In fact, that’s undoubtedly his plan, now that I say it out loud. To strike us at our lowest point, while we’re distracted. It makes sense, don’t you think?”

There was a long beat in the conversation.

“Come on now,” Guanyin said. “I didn’t mean to depress everyone. Sometimes I get worked up because, well . . .” She sucked in her lips as she searched for the right explanation.

“I think of us like a family right now,” she said. “Strange as it is to say.”

Huh. There were two other confused frowns besides mine on that one.