“Genie, this is a hoot,” she said. “I had no idea you could be this funny.”
Huh. My hope sprouted like the first daisy of spring. Ready to be obliterated by the slightest breeze, but present regardless.
“I, um, did what you said and focused on my own thoughts. I wasn’t too familiar in my tone?”
“Not at all. I can’t get enough of this bit about your parents. This is a major improvement in your writing, by leaps and bounds. Any reader would be happy to get this in their pile.”
My god.
I’d done it. I’d gotten past the barrier of “If you have to ask, you’ll never know.” I was seeing the inside of their secret club, even if they’d only let me in through a case of mistaken identity.
I resisted the urge to run into the street and fist-bump the oncoming traffic in celebration. “Thank you,” I said. “I guess once I get to Harvard I’ll go out for the Lampoon.”
My joke fell flat with Anna. She looked disappointed, like she wanted to stay in the happy place a little longer.
“We . . . should talk about that,” she said, putting my papers to the side.
I didn’t like how far she’d put them to the side. Had she kept them a little closer to her elbow, I could have pretended all was well.
“Genie, I played a little loose with the rules the other day. I called up a contact at . . . I won’t say where exactly, but I talked to a relevant decision maker, let’s put it.”
Oh damn. She’d gone to bat for me. She’d gone. To bat. She really did have guanxi. And here I was thinking all I’d get from her was advice on how to articulate my inner nature.
“Now I didn’t mention you or anyone else specifically,” she said, “but I was able to talk about your scenario in a fair amount of detail because it applies to many applicants. And therein lies the problem. Based on how the conversation went, I think we need to adjust our expectations.”
She was pulling a reality show host move. There would be dramatic music leading to a commercial break, after which she would complete her sentence. Higher! she’d say brightly. We need to be aiming even higher, with how strong you are! There’s a secret exclusive university on the moon!
“I—I don’t understand. What problem are we talking about? My grades? I have perfect grades.”
“You do,” she said. “But so do a huge number of students, from great schools just like yours. Your writing is great, and so is theirs. This is the point I’m trying to make, Genie. The very reason why I could get away with talking about you anonymously is the fact that there are a lot of applicants with your exact candidacy profile.”
I could feel the floor spinning away from me. I was being ensorcelled.
“Colleges care about geographic diversity as much as any other kind, and right now you’re swimming in one of the biggest, most competitive pools,” Anna said. “That’s going to have a material effect on your application experience.”
“I think I get it,” I said. “Your contacts told you there’s only so many Bay Area Chinese they’re willing to take.”
Anna looked pained. “Genie, that’s not what I’m saying.”
Yes it was, even if she didn’t know it.
I didn’t blame Anna. Hell, I didn’t even blame the colleges. SF Prep was full of people like me. Grasping, thirsting, dying to get ahead. We were like roaches, and only multiplying by the day. I didn’t want to be around my kind any more than the admissions boards did.
I had done everything I could to declare myself a real person. But it didn’t matter. It still boiled down to a numbers game, and not one that tilted in my favor.
“I wish I had better news,” Anna said. “I called my old office up because I can see how hungry you are. But my duty as your advisor is to help you make the right call in the long term, not just that one moment when you tear open the envelope. Your financial aid needs—they’re not trivial. None of your top choices give athletic or merit-based scholarships. We have to consider what to do if they end up out of reach.”
I closed my eyes.
“Out of reach,” I said. “That’s ironic, given that I’ve made my arms longer than this room.”
“This room’s not very big,” she responded.
I stood up from my chair. “Colleges like well-traveled applicants, right? I’m well-traveled. I went from Chang’an to Vulture Peak to recover the sutras. It only took me a couple of years.”
“That was a long time ago. A million tourists have completed the same trip since then. With selfies.”
“Let’s talk about volunteer work then!” I leaped onto Anna’s desk and thumped my chest with my fists. “I’ve fought pure evil! Do you understand? Cannibalistic boogeymen! Nearly twenty and counting!”