Carter Reed 2 (Carter Reed 2)

She was saying, “…you and Amanda.”

Okay, what? “Say again.”

“You and Amanda.” She leaned forward, her eyes sparking with interest. “Did you two have a fight? She was weird the next day after you guys cleaned the oven and had your night, and then you suddenly decide to go to New York. Come on, Emma, like I didn’t notice how tense you were in the limo, wondering if she was coming. I saw how you kept looking at the door.” She shook her head. “And you were so relieved when she wasn’t there.”

I frowned. “I thought the elephant was you and Noah.”

“Me and Noah?” She’d been leaning forward, but she recoiled now like she’d been smacked. “What are you talking about?”

“He asked you to live with him.”

She sucked in her breath. “How do you know that?” Real panic flashed in her eyes.

“Amanda overheard. She told me about it that night.”

Her forehead wrinkled. “Wait, is this what that’s about—the you and Amanda thing? You talked about me, and that’s why Amanda was weird? Did she say anything bad?”

I shook my head. “Just that he’d asked you to move in and you freaked.” Like she was doing now. As I talked, her face grew redder and redder. “What’s going on? You look ready to flee.”

“Oh my god.” Letting out a rush of breath, she bent forward and covered her face with both hands. “Oh my god.”

This wasn’t normal. Carter told me to move in, and I jumped at the chance. The circumstances were different, but I didn’t understand the almost-paralyzing effect the offer looked to be having on her.

“Theresa, he loves you. What’s the problem?”

I waited. Nothing.

When her hands finally fell away, I saw tears brimming. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. One tear fell, which she ignored it as it trailed down her cheek. She was thinking about something else.

“Theresa.” I reached over and grabbed her hand. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I can’t lose him,” she whispered. She looked away, but I still heard the words. She moved her head back and forth before glancing to me. “I lose everybody, Emma. Everyone. I was engaged once. Did I tell you about him?”

“What?”

She nodded, a glazed look coming over her eyes. “He died, too. Everyone who loves me dies. Everyone in my family. Jeffrey. I can’t love Noah because he’ll die, too.”

I felt my mouth drop open. She believed this. I saw the fear, and I scooted close, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “No, no, no. Noah won’t die.”

She turned into me, but kept shaking her head. “I know it’s dumb. I know it’s a superstition, but it’s how I feel. I’m afraid of being happy with him and letting myself love him, but I do.” More tears swam in her eyes. “I love him so much, but I can’t lose him. I can’t lose anyone. If he went, it would destroy me.”

I wasn’t sure what was more shocking—her belief that if she loved someone, she would lose them or the fact that she’d had a fiancé. She’d never said a word, but seeing her tears, I could only imagine the love she must’ve had for him. She looked broken, a side to Theresa I had never witnessed. So many emotions swept through me—sorrow, pain, tears. I wiped my own away and pulled back. “Theresa, you won’t lose him.”

“I’m terrified.”

She was terrified of losing the man she loved. I couldn’t help but sit back and reflect on my own situation. Carter was still a part of the mafia, even though he was technically out. He wasn’t. He was still in, no matter how he and I were trying to delude ourselves. He was here. He was hiding things, or keeping things from me. He was still in. I should have been terrified—Carter had a better chance of being killed than Noah. But I wasn’t.

What did that say about me? Was I numb to it now? Or was I really not worried?

Theresa wiped more tears away and sat back, trying to compose herself. I sat and pondered my own love.

Was something wrong with me? Or had I gotten comfortable with the constant fear? I glanced around again and this time, I found where Thomas stood. I caught sight of him behind a post across from us. I didn’t know why I hadn’t seen him before. Maybe he allowed it this time, like he knew something was wrong. I didn’t know, but I looked around again. There was Michael. Peter. Thomas 2, as I called him. My guards. They gave me a sense of security, but I realized that security was an illusion. They were protecting me for a reason, protecting me from a real threat.

I should have been terrified too, but I wasn’t.

An unsettled sensation rested on my shoulders.

I swallowed over a knot in my throat. I shouldn’t feel secure. That wasn’t the truth of my life and sitting here, hearing Theresa’s very real fear, chipped away at my reality. I couldn’t stop it.