Truly Madly Guilty

d been under the water for? Why did she feel strangely responsible, as if she'd failed in some way? She'd got to Ruby first. She'd been the first one to act. She wasn't Ruby's parent. But there was something. Something she'd done or not done.

'There you go,' said Oliver. He was still in his wet clothes. He'd get sick. He handed Holly the mug of hot chocolate. 'I didn't make it too hot but just take a little sip in case, okay?'

'Thank you,' said Holly loudly.

'Good manners, Holly,' said Oliver.

'Get changed,' said Erika as she took the hot chocolate from him. 'You'll catch a cold.'

'Are you okay?' asked Oliver.

'Why? Do I not look okay?' She took a sip of her hot chocolate, and somehow missed her mouth. She wiped her finger across her chin.

'No,' said Oliver. 'You don't.'

'Manners,' said Holly to Erika.

'What are you talking about?' snapped Erika. The child wasn't making sense. It occurred to her that she'd just snapped at Holly in exactly the same way Sylvia used to do when Erika was a child. The moment Erika started telling her mother something she would snap, 'What are you talking about?' And Erika would think, Let me finish and then you'll know what I'm talking about!

'You forgot to say thank you,' said Holly. She looked frightened. 'To Oliver.'

'Oh,' said Erika. 'Of course. You're right. I'm sorry, Holly, I didn't mean to snap at you.'

Erika watched two giant teardrops quiver on the bottom eyelashes of Holly's big blue eyes. It was more than just her snapping. Holly wasn't that sensitive.

'Holly,' she said. 'Holly. Sweetie. It's fine, everything is fine, give me a cuddle, there, although I actually think ... I might ... I'm sorry.' She couldn't hold on. Holly needed her comfort right now but she couldn't give it to her. She handed back the cup to Oliver and he reached out with surprise to take it just in time before it slipped from her hands. 'I'm just so sleepy.'

She let that big black pool of nothingness take her, drag her under. She could hear a phone ringing, but it was too late, she couldn't get back now, it was much too big and powerful to resist.

*

Oliver looked at his comatose wife with a dull, sick sense of recognition. She'd passed out, drunk. It meant she'd effectively left. Gone. Not back until the morning. He'd never ever looked at his wife with dislike before, but as he studied her drooping head and gaping mouth he felt his face distort with resentment. They didn't even know yet if Ruby was going to be okay. How could she sleep? But of course, drunks could always sleep.

She's not a drunk, he reminded himself. She's just drunk. For the first time since you've known her.

'She must be exhausted,' said Holly, looking at Erika with fascination.

Oliver smiled at Holly's use of the word 'exhausted'. 'I think you're right,' he said. 'She's exhausted. How's your drink? Not too hot?'

'No, it's not too hot,' said Holly. She took a very careful, tentative sip. There was a little moustache of milk on her upper lip.

'Oliver,' said Holly quietly. She held up her little blue handbag and her eyes filled with more tears.

'Did you want me to put that somewhere safe?' Oliver held out his hand.

'Oliver,' she said again, but much more quietly this time.

'What is it, darling?' Oliver crouched down in front of her. His clothes were still wet and filthy from the fountain.

Holly leaned forward and began to whisper urgently in his ear.

chapter sixty-one

The day of the barbeque

The four grandparents arrived at the hospital at the same time.

Clementine had come out of the ICU to make a quick phone call to Erika, to update her on Ruby's progress and to make sure that Holly could stay with them for a little longer until they sorted out where she would spend the night.