Truly Madly Guilty

She rested her head against the lockers and closed her eyes. She felt a sense of inevitability, as if her marriage were a giant ship and it was too late to change its course now - it was either going to hit the iceberg or not, and nothing she said or did right now would make any difference. If her mother had been observing this interaction, she'd tell Clementine she was wrong, that she needed to keep talking, to say everything that was on her mind, to communicate, to leave no possibility for misinterpretation.

If her father were there, he'd put his finger to his lips and say, Shh.

Clementine settled for two words.

'I'm sorry,' she said.

She meant, I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry I didn't see you were going through this. I'm sorry I maybe haven't loved you the way you deserve to be loved. I'm sorry that when we faced our first crisis, it showed up everything that was wrong in our marriage instead of everything that was right. I'm sorry we turned on each other instead of to each other.

'Yeah, I'm sorry too,' said Sam.

chapter eighty-one

'So in effect, Harry saved Ruby's life,' said Oliver.

Erika and Oliver were walking around the block near her mother's house. The moment she'd remembered what had happened, she'd wanted to share it with Oliver and she certainly didn't want Sylvia to overhear, so she'd insisted Oliver go for a walk with her.

'Yes,' said Erika. 'And no one ever thanked him. I don't think I even looked up again at his window.' They walked by a young husband and wife pushing a baby in a stroller and Erika shot them a dismissive flick of a smile to let them know there was really no need to comment upon the weather and how great it was that the rain had finally stopped.

'He would have seen that we got her out,' said Oliver.

'I hope so,' said Erika. 'But no one ever told him that Ruby was okay. No one ever went over and said thank you. He must have thought that was rude. He always thought everyone had such bad manners and he would have died thinking that was pretty much conclusive.'

'I guess he could have come over and asked us,' said Oliver. 'If he was worried.'

They both jumped over a glistening brown puddle that took up most of the footpath.

'It took me a while to work out that it was Ruby,' said Erika. Her mouth felt momentarily full of marbles. 'I thought it was an old coat floating in the fountain, and I was just staring at it. I had this illogical, weird idea that Harry wanted me to clean up the fountain. Ruby was drowning while I stared right at her.'

Oliver said nothing for a moment before he spoke. 'I always felt bad that when it happened I was hiding out in the bathroom, just looking at myself in the mirror,' he said. 'I think we've all got something to feel bad about that afternoon.'

'Except for Harry,' said Erika.

'Except for Harry,' agreed Oliver.

A middle-aged woman in unflattering 'active wear' came bouncing past. 'Isn't it lovely to see the sun again!' she said rapturously, and she slowed down as if she wanted to discuss the sun further.

'It's fantastic!' agreed Oliver, he and Erika both upping their pace by unspoken agreement. 'Have a nice day!'

'Do you think I should tell someone?' said Erika. 'About what I remembered?' Now that she had the facts straight in her head, she felt an overwhelming desire to set the record straight, to submit an amended report to the authorities.

'Well, I don't see who you would tell,' said Oliver. 'Or how it would help.'

'I could tell Clementine,' said Erika, although she had absolutely no intention of doing that.

'No,' said Oliver. 'You can't tell Clementine. You know you can't.' They had completed the block now and were nearing her mother's house.

'Oh for goodness sake,' sighed Erika.

'What?' said Oliver.

'She's actually in the skip bin now.'

chapter eighty-two

It had stopped raining. Finally! At last! Dakota could hardly believe it. Everything about her whole life and the whole world felt entirely different.

'This is going to be so much fun,' said Dakota's mum as they opened the front door and stepped onto the front veranda.