Nine Perfect Strangers

‘I only meant –’ His mouth twisted. ‘Forget it.’

He scanned the letter and read out loud. ‘Welcome to your wellness journey, yada, yada. The retreat will begin with a period of silence lasting five days, during which there will be no talking, apart from counselling sessions, no touching, no reading, no writing, no eye contact with other guests or your own companions – what the?’

‘This wasn’t mentioned on the website,’ said Jessica.

Ben continued to read out loud, ‘You may be familiar with the term “monkey brain”.’

He looked up at Jessica. She shrugged, so he kept reading. ‘Monkey brain refers to the way your mind swings from thought to thought like a monkey swinging from branch to branch.’ Ben made a sound like a monkey and scratched under his arm to demonstrate.

‘Thanks for that.’ Jessica felt the tug of a smile. Sometimes they were fine.

Ben read on. ‘It takes at least twenty-four hours to silence monkey brain. A period of nourishing silence and reflection settles the mind, body and soul. Our aim will be to discover a beautiful state that Buddhism calls “noble silence”.’

‘So we’re just going to spend the next five days avoiding eye contact and not talking?’ said Jessica. ‘Even when we’re alone in our room?’

‘It’s not like we don’t have any experience with that,’ said Ben.

‘Very funny,’ said Jessica. ‘Give me that.’

She took the letter and read. ‘During the silence we request that you walk slowly and mindfully, with intention, heel to toe, about the property, while avoiding eye contact and conversation. If you must communicate with a staff member, please come to reception and follow the instructions on the laminated blue card. There will be guided meditation sessions – both walking and sitting – throughout each day. Please listen for the bells.’

She put the letter down. ‘This is going to be so freaky. We’ll have to eat with strangers in total silence.’

‘Better than boring small talk, I guess,’ said Ben. He looked at her. ‘Do you want to do it properly? We could talk here in our room and nobody would ever know.’

Jessica thought about it.

‘I think we should do it properly,’ she said. ‘Don’t you? Even if it sounds stupid, we should just follow the rules and do whatever they say.’

‘Fine with me,’ said Ben. ‘As long as they don’t tell me to jump off a cliff.’ He scratched his neck. ‘I don’t get what we’re going to do here.’

‘I told you,’ said Jessica. ‘Meditate. Yoga. Exercise classes.’

‘Yeah,’ said Ben. ‘But in between all that. If we can’t talk or watch TV, what will we do?’

‘It will be hard without screens,’ said Jessica. She thought she was going to miss social media more than coffee.

She looked again at the letter. ‘The silence begins when the bell rings three times.’ She looked at the clock in the room. ‘We’ve got half an hour left where we’re allowed to talk.’

Or touch, she thought.

They looked at each other.

Neither spoke.

‘So the silence shouldn’t be too hard for us then,’ said Ben.

Jessica laughed, but Ben didn’t smile.

Why weren’t they having sex right now? Wasn’t that what they once would have done? Without even talking about it?

She should say something. Do something. He was her husband. She could touch him.

But a tiny fear had trickled into her head late last year and now she couldn’t get rid of it. It was something about the way he looked at her, or didn’t look at her; a clenching of his jaw.

The thought was this: He doesn’t love me anymore.

It seemed so ironic that he could fall out of love with her now, when she had never looked so good. Over the last year she had invested a lot of time and money, and a fair amount of pain, in her body. She had done everything there was to do: her teeth, her hair, her skin, her lips, her boobs. Everyone said the results were amazing. Her Instagram account was filled with comments like: You look so HOT, Jessica! and You look better and better every time I see you. The only person without anything positive to say was her own husband, and if he didn’t find her attractive now, when she was her very best self, then he must never have found her attractive. He must have been faking it all along. Why did he even marry her?