Nine Perfect Strangers

‘Yes,’ said Delilah. ‘That’s what happens when you take ecstasy. That’s why they call it the love drug.’

The first time Delilah took ecstasy she kissed Ryan, her boyfriend at the time, for over two hours straight, and it was incredible kissing, the best kissing of her entire life to date, but it didn’t mean she wanted to marry the pompous British twat with his tight purple shirts. It was just kissing.

‘It wasn’t just the drug,’ said Masha. ‘I led them to many important breakthroughs.’

‘Mmm,’ said Delilah.

Like all of Delilah’s bosses ever, Masha was a total narcissist. Delilah found it hilarious when Masha spoke so solemnly to guests about the ‘dissolving of the ego’, as if her giant-sized ego could ever be dissolved. Over the last few years, Delilah had observed Masha’s ego flourish, nurtured by the guests who hung on her every word and the doglike devotion of Yao.

‘I have a gift for this,’ she said, straight-faced, when, really, what the hell would Masha know about relationships? In all these years Delilah had never known her to be in one. Delilah couldn’t tell if she was straight or gay or bi or just had no sexual orientation whatsoever.

‘I thought they would be more positive at this stage of their journeys,’ said Masha. ‘More grateful.’

Delilah exchanged a look with Yao. Wow. That was almost an acknowledgement of a mistake. At the very least it was the acknowledgement of a moment of doubt.

Yao looked terrified, as if his whole world were falling apart. The dude was obsessed with Masha, probably in love with her. Delilah couldn’t tell if his interest was sexual; it was more like the way a super-fan behaves around a rock star, as if he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed in the same room as her.

‘It will all be fine,’ said Masha to Yao. ‘We just need to carefully consider how we proceed.’

‘We should feed them,’ said Delilah. She knew this from her waitressing days. Get some complimentary garlic bread out to the table. Stuff them with carbs and they’ll stop complaining about the long wait on their mains.

‘It hasn’t even been forty-eight hours yet!’ said Masha. ‘They all knew the retreat would include fasting.’

‘Yes, but they didn’t know it would include LSD,’ said Delilah. ‘Or being locked up.’

She thought that Masha had badly overestimated her guests’ commitment to transformation. When people said they came to Tranquillum House to be ‘enlightened’, what they really meant was ‘skinnier’.

Anyway, as far as Delilah could see no-one in that room looked particularly transformed. There was no way in hell Heather Marconi was coming out of that room and giving them a five-star review on TripAdvisor.

Masha, being Masha, had never doubted that this new protocol was going to be a success. She had no concerns about the issue of consent. She said it was too risky to ask for it because the ones who most needed help would be the ones most likely to refuse. The glorious ends would justify the means. No-one would complain once they experienced their personal transformations!

‘Let’s keep our focus on solutions,’ said Masha now, as she contemplated her guests moving about their temporary prison. She didn’t even look that tired.

Delilah remembered a night more than ten years earlier, when she was working as Masha’s PA. Someone had discovered a major error in their analysis for the budget they were presenting to the board of directors the following day. Masha had worked thirty hours straight, right through the night, without stopping, to rectify the error. Delilah had stayed in the office with her, but she’d had a couple of power naps to keep herself going. The presentation was a triumph.

Six months later Masha had her heart attack.

Five years after that, when Delilah had honestly kind of forgotten Masha’s existence, she called to ask Delilah if she’d like to train as a wellness consultant at a health resort she was starting up.

Masha liked to tell guests that they would hear about Delilah’s supposed ‘wellness journey’, bu

t they never heard about it because there was no wellness journey. Delilah resigned from her job as PA for the chief executive douchebag at an insurance company. Her wellness journey was basically a train ride from Central Station to Jarribong.

‘I think we should let them out,’ said Yao. ‘They were meant to be out by now.’

‘We have to be ready to adapt,’ said Masha. ‘I told you both that at the beginning. For dramatic results, you need dramatic action. I know this is uncomfortable for them, but that’s the only way people change. They have water. They have shelter. We are taking them out of their comfort zone, that’s all. That’s when growth occurs.’

‘I’m just not sure that this is right,’ fretted Yao.

‘Turn up the audio,’ said Masha.

‘Obviously we’re obligated to report this to the police as soon as we’re out,’ said a woman.

‘Who’s that?’ said Masha.

‘Frances,’ said Yao, his eyes on the screen. Frances had her back to them. She was talking to Lars.

‘Frances!’ said Masha. ‘She loved her experience. She seemed to get so much out of it!’