“Since when do you do anything Mother wants us to do?” I asked. I shouldn’t engage with her. I shouldn’t sink down to her level and turn myself into a petulant brat. But she was making it difficult to do anything else. “You’ve always thought that we should have broken free and found him years ago!”
Courtney narrowed her eyes at me, her mouth setting into a stubborn line. “She said the assassins would come for us.”
“She did.” I nodded once. “And who the hell are the assassins? Who is anyone? Do you seriously want to stay here, in the middle of this freaking field and just live out our days here? The three of us here forever, crafting cute little spells and not meeting anyone, not going anywhere, not seeing the world. Is that what you want out of your life, Courtney? To be safe for the rest of your life?”
It sounded like a death sentence to me. I would never know love, nor marriage, nor children. Not to mention the fact that I would never expand my knowledge base, nor my magical power without a teacher as powerful as my mother to guide me.
“It won’t be that bad.” Courtney pouted. Her eyes filled with water. “Why is it wrong that I want us to stay together? Father is gone. Who knows where he is and why he left us, but he did! He left us. And now, Mother is gone too. She got sick and we couldn’t save her. She couldn’t even save herself. Why is it wrong that I want us to stay safe and together? Why is it wrong that I don’t want the same things that happened to our parents to happen to us? Tell me—why is that wrong?”
I hated that my heart cracked at Courtney’s pleading. I hated that I understood her desire to stay somewhere we could all be together, where there was no threat to us. I looked to the sky, silently cursing my mother for leaving us so soon without any advice on how to handle my sisters.
Bella sighed, shaking her head. I turned towards her as she waved her hand, creating three brown leather couches out of nowhere.
“Sit,” she said in a gentle voice, gesturing towards one of the brown couches.
Courtney hurried over to one, feet tucked underneath her, eyes on the trees surrounding us. It was as though she didn’t want us to see her crying even though we were quite familiar with her tears.
Great idea.
I flopped onto the couch closest to me and watched as Bella created a leather-bound book with her magic and sat down with her beloved story. I envied her in that moment. Instead of forcing change or forcing things to stay the same, she was perfectly content to adapt to her situation. I wished I could lose myself in a book and wait for someone else to make the decisions. I wished I didn’
t have the responsibility to figure out what the best course of action was for us.
I focused back on Courtney since Bella had checked out.
Courtney brushed the dirt from her jeans and rearranged her long brown hair on top of her head in a high bun. Just like it was any other day, and we were having any other normal conversation. As though her eyes weren’t red from crying, her face wasn’t splotchy from loss. She had such a good knack for ignoring life threatening situations, it was almost annoying. She always had been good at locking herself in her own world, forgetting about everyone and everything else, including her sisters.
Classic third child.
“Court, we can’t stay here,” I said again. This time, I made an effort to keep my voice steady, to keep it free from judgment. I didn’t want her to think I was telling her what to do. I didn’t want either of them to think I was taking over Mother’s role so soon after she was gone because that was not my intention at all. “You know that, right? It was hard enough the last ten years with just Mother and us. We were confined to a home, and sure, we had servants who were like our family and we never needed anything, but it was all a lie. You know this. Deep down, you know this.”
Courtney didn’t look up, just picked at the threads on her jumper. Her lips curled into a stubborn frown.
I sighed. She knew I was right. I just needed her to admit it out loud and then we could move forward, we could actually do something about our current situation.
Bella sniffed and looked up from her book. “I found our home... peaceful.”
I glared. I thought she had lost herself in her own little world. This was not how I expected her to come back to the conversation. If anything, I thought she would be on my side. Wouldn’t she want to visit all of the places she read about? Didn’t she want to experience life the way her characters did?
I threw myself back against the couch cushions. “Of course, you did,” I snapped. “As long as you have unlimited books and a quiet place to read, you’re happy. It’s not like either of you understand the desire to want to take a risk for once in your lives. It’s not like you guys knew our father the way I did or were pushed to use your magic like I was or –”
“Yes, we get it.” Bella sat her book in her lap, sticking her finger in between the covers to save her place. “You’ve experienced more pressure and expectations than Courtney or I. I’m sure that you know more than we do as well. But just because you feel these things doesn’t mean what we feel is wrong. You have a different experience than I do, but that doesn’t nullify my experience or Courtney’s. Just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean you’re in charge.”
I swallowed hard and blinked back the hot tears that filled my eyes. Again, Bella made sense. Both of my sisters did. For being the oldest, I was acting like a child. Perhaps I was not as strong as I’d assumed. Perhaps I was not handling Mother’s death the way I thought I would. That didn’t mean I agreed with them, though.
“Well,” I said, my voice shaky, “I’m sorry to say—I’m not happy. I want to be a part of the wizarding world. I want to find our father and meet more people like us. That’s what I want. And now that I have the ability to be able to do just that, I don’t...I don’t want to miss the opportunity.”
A heavy silence hung between the three of us. Nobody could meet each other’s eyes. In fact, there was something stale in the crisp air, in the rustling of the trees. Something was changing. Something was coming. I just hoped we would be ready for it when it arrived, when we were forced to step into different roles than the ones, we had been assigned our whole lives up until this point.
Courtney crossed her arms and looked away. “Then what do we do?”
I smiled, a thrill shooting through my core. Her words weren’t exactly a perfect agreement, but the fact that she was open to hearing what I had to say was a good sign—better than I could have imagined.
“We do what Mother recommended,” I said quickly, gesturing with my hands. “We build you a house. Somewhere safe. You have your magic, and enough power to supply you with food, water, supplies for months. Years, even.”
“You want to leave us?” Courtney’s voice quivered but she still refused to look at me. “Haven’t we been left enough?”
“Then come with me!” I said. “Please! You could learn—"