Devil in a Suit

I wasn’t ready for a kid immediately, but maybe I could be open to the thought of one eventually. I could provide for them, but that didn’t automatically make me a good dad. What if I was a terrible one? When it came to the things that I cared about, I was good at them, whether that was a businessman or a boss. I didn’t take failure lightly, and I didn’t want to be a bad father. Honestly, I was afraid of being one.

I had isolated myself from close connections for so long, jumping from woman to woman. I wondered if I even knew how to be in a relationship, how to care for someone else other than myself. It was something that I hadn’t reflected on in a long time. I wondered if it was about time to start reflecting on my life and what I wanted for myself.

I couldn’t only be a CEO forever. I had to have other goals and milestones to reach, or I would be bored of my life. I wanted to feel fulfilled, to experience tons of different things. I had more money than I knew what to do with, and I hardly put it to use. I didn’t take many vacations or buy fancy gadgets for myself. It wasn’t very fun just blowing the money on myself.

“We’re just messing with you, man. Not everyone is meant for kids,” Chris said as he patted me on the back.

“I didn’t say that I would never have kids,” I blurted out the words defensively, coaxing me to grimace at myself. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? I didn’t have anything to prove to anyone. I lived my life how I wanted to and didn’t submit to outside pressure.

“You’re acting weird,” Andrew commented, narrowing his eyes at me. They then widened. “Is there a girl?”

“I don’t date,” I reminded him, putting up my defenses. When it came to Madison, there was so much to boast about, but I couldn’t tell anyone about us. That would be… scandalous. Not that anyone should be in our business anyway. We were adults.

“You know that you’re not still in college, right? You don’t have to act like a cool frat boy forever,” Andrew reminded me.

Was that how they saw me? I didn’t want to be seen as such. I downed the rest of my drink before ordering another. I didn’t expect to do so much self-reflection tonight. I came out to have a fun night with the guys.

“Don’t be jealous,” I smirked at him, keeping with the lighthearted tone of the conversation. I didn’t want them to realize how deeply I was thinking of all these topics. Typically, I blew past serious topics like these. I didn’t know what was going on with me lately, but things felt different. It made me uncomfortable. Things had been the same for so long that I had gotten used to the groove. Now, I felt almost lost, like I was venturing into unknown territory. I didn’t know how to find my way back. What if I couldn’t?

The conversation picked back up as brought up some of our old college stories. We were the friends who stayed out late, ending up in some diner around three in the morning before dragging ourselves back to the dorms. We had a lot of fun, but we also worked really hard. At least all of that hard work paid off in the end.

“Has anyone heard from Brandon?” Andrew asked as our laughter died down.

It felt like someone dumped ice water on me. I narrowed my eyes as I turned to look at Andrew. He knew that we didn’t bring up Brandon anymore. I didn’t care if he used to be in our friend group. That was old news, and I despised the guy now.

Andrew put his hands up innocently.

“It’s just curiosity, man. We haven’t seen him in years,” he replied.

“He’s a snake. You know that,” I said with a sharp tone. They both knew how Brandon stabbed me in the back. It pissed me off that his name was even brought up. Andrew knew that it would cause tension.

“It’s okay, Ty. No one is taking his side,” Chris told me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged his hand off, anger still crackling within me. The four of us used to be the closest friends. We did everything together and trusted each other. Then, Brandon let his ego destroy our friendship, nearly splitting our group up. It was a whole ordeal. I thought the three of us had moved on.

“Whatever. You know that I don’t like talking about him,” I muttered as I shook my head. Now, I was pissed. I couldn’t shake my anger as it took over my entire mind. Brandon was a pest, and it upset me that I ever let him get close to me. I gave him the opportunity to hurt me, and he took it.