Jesus, Sydney.
I hear the water turn off and the shower curtain slide open, and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying once again not to picture him. This would probably be a good time of day to turn on some music to drown out my thoughts.
As soon as the door closes between the bathroom and his bedroom, theres a knock at the front door. I gladly jump off the bed and head toward the living room to get my mind off the fact that I know Ridge is in his room getting dressed right now.
I dont even bother looking through the peephole, which is a very bad oversight on my part. I swing open the door to find Hunter standing sheepishly at the top of the stairs. He eyes me, his expression apologetic and nervous. My heart drops to my stomach at the mere sight of him. Its been weeks since I last laid eyes on him. I was beginning to forget what he looked like.
His dark hair is longer since I last saw him, and it reminds me that Im always the one to schedule his hair appointments. The fact that he hasnt even bothered to make his own appointment makes him that much more pathetic to me.
Should I give Tori the number for your barber? Your hair looks awful.
The mention of Toris name makes him grimace. Or maybe its the fact that Im not jumping back into his arms thats causing that regretful expression on his face.
You look good, he says, capping his words off with a smile.
I am good, I say, not sure if Im lying to him or not.
He runs a free hand over his jaw and turns away from me, appearing to regret the fact that hes here.
How is he here? How does he even know where I live?
How did you know where to find me? I ask, tilting my head in curiosity.
I see the split-second shift of his eyes as they glance across the courtyard toward Toris apartment. Its obvious he doesnt want me to notice whats going on in his mind, because it would only shed light on the fact that hes still visiting Tori on a regular basis.
Can we talk? he asks, his voice void of the confidence Ive always known him to have.
If I let you in and convince you its over, will you promise to stop texting me?
He barely nods his head, so I step aside, and he walks into the living room. I walk to the dining-room table and pull out a chair, making it obvious that hes not making himself comfortable by sitting on the couch. He walks toward the table as his eyes work their way around the room, more than likely in search of information on who lives here with me.
He grips the back of the chair and pulls it out slowly while his eyes focus on a pair of Ridges shoes tucked beside the couch. I like that he noticed them.
Are you living here now? he asks, his voice tight and controlled.
For now, I say, my voice even more controlled. Im proud of myself for keeping calm, because Im not going to lie and say it doesnt hurt to see him. I gave him two years of my life, and all the things I felt for him cant just be cut off at once. Feelings take time to disappear, so theyre still here. Theyre just mixed and swirled together with a hell of a lot of hatred now. Its confusing to feel this way when I see him, because I never thought I could dislike the man in front of me. I never thought he would betray me the way he did.
Do you think thats safe? Just moving in with some strange guy you barely know? Hes eyeing me disapprovingly as he takes his seat, as if he has the right to judge any part of my life.
You and Tori didnt leave me much choice, did you? I found myself screwed over and homeless on my birthday. If anything, I would think you should be congratulating me for handling it all so well. You sure as hell cant sit here and judge me.
He huffs, then leans forward over the table and closes his eyes, pressing the palms of his hands against his forehead. Sydney, please. I didnt come here to fight or make excuses. I came here to tell you how sorry I am.
If theres one thing Id like to hear from him, its an apology. If there are two things Id like to hear, its an apology followed by a good-bye.
Well, youre here now, I say quietly. Have at it. Tell me how sorry you are. My voice isnt confident anymore. In fact, I want to punch myself, because it sounds really sad and heartbroken, and thats the last thing I want him to think I feel.
Im sorry, Sydney, he says, spitting the words out fast and desperately. Im so, so sorry. I know it wont make it better, but things have always been different between Tori and me. Weve known each other for years, and I know its not an excuse, but our relationship was sexual before you even met us. But thats all it was. It was just sex, and once you were in the picture, neither of us could figure out how to just put a stop to something that had been going on between us for years. I know this doesnt make sense, but what I had with her was completely separate from what I had with you. I love you. If youll just give me one more chance to prove myself, Ill never speak to Tori again.
My heart is pounding as hard as it was the moment I found out they were sleeping together. Im inhaling controlled breaths in an effort not to climb across the table and beat the shit out of him. Im also clenching my fists in an effort not to climb across the table and kiss him. I would never take him back, but my head is so damned confused right now, because I miss what we had so much. It was simple and good, and my heart never ached the way its been aching these past few weeks.
Whats confusing me the most is the fact that my heart hasnt been aching like this because I cant be with Hunter. Its aching because I cant be with Ridge.
I realize as Im sitting here that Im more upset that Ridge came into my life than I am that Hunter left it. How screwed up is that?
Before I can respond, Ridges bedroom door opens, and he walks out. Hes in jeans and nothing else, and I tense from the way my body responds to his presence. However, I love the fact that Hunter is about to turn around and witness Ridge looking like this.
Ridge pauses just feet from the table when he sees Hunter sitting across from me. He glances from Hunter to me, just as Hunter turns to see who Im looking at. I can see the concern wash over Ridges face, along with a flash of anger. He eyes me hard, and I know exactly whats going through his head right now. Hes wondering what the hell Hunter is doing here, just as I am. I nod in reassurance, letting Ridge know Im fine. I shift my eyes to his bedroom and silently tell him that Hunter and I need privacy.
Ridge doesnt move. He doesnt like that I just told him to go back to his bedroom. From the looks of it, he doesnt really trust Hunter alone with me. Maybe its the fact that he wouldnt be able to hear me if I needed him to return for any reason. Whatever it is, I just made him completely uncomfortable with my request. Regardless, he nods and turns back toward his room, but not before eyeing Hunter with a warning shot.
Hunter faces me again, but his expression is no longer apologetic.
What the hell was that? he asks, his voice dripping in jealousy.
That was Ridge, I reply firmly. I believe the two of you have already met.
Are the two of you . . . like . . . ?
Before I answer him, Ridge walks back into the room with his laptop and heads straight to the couch. He drops down onto the sofa, eyeing Hunter the entire time while he opens his laptop and props his feet up on the coffee table in front of him.
The fact that Ridge refuses to leave me alone with Hunter pleases me way too much.
Not that its any of your business, I say, but no, we arent dating. He has a girlfriend.
Hunter returns his attention to me and laughs under his breath. I have no idea what he just found funny, but it pisses me off. I fold my arms while I glare at him and lean back against my seat.
Hunter leans forward and looks straight into my eyes. Please tell me you see the irony in this, Sydney.
I shake my head, absolutely not seeing any irony in this situation.
My lack of comprehension makes him laugh again. Im trying to explain to you that what happened between Tori and me was strictly physical. It meant nothing to either of us, but you wont even try to understand my side of it. Yet youre practically eye-fucking your roommate who happens to be in love with another woman, and you dont see the hypocrisy in your actions? You cant tell me you havent slept with him in the two months youve been here. How can you not see that what the two of you are doing isnt any different from what Tori and I did? You cant justify your own actions without forgiving mine.
Im trying to keep my jaw off the floor. Im trying to keep my anger subdued. Im trying to keep myself from reaching across this table and punching him square between his accusing eyes, but Ive learned the hard way that punching isnt all its cracked up to be.
I allow myself several moments to calm down before I respond. I glance at Ridge, who is still eyeing me. He knows by the look on my face that Hunter just crossed the line. Ridges hands are gripping the screen of his laptop, prepared to shove it aside if I need him.
I dont need him. Ive got this.
I square up with Hunter, pulling my gaze off Ridge and focusing on the eyes I so desperately want to rip out of Hunters head.
Ridge has an amazing girlfriend who doesnt deserve to be cheated on, and luckily for her, hes the type of guy who realizes her worth. With that said, youre wrong about the fact that Im sleeping with him, because Im not. We both know how unfair it would be to his girlfriend, so we dont act on our attraction. You should take note that simply because a girl makes your dick hard, that doesnt mean you have to go shove it inside her!
I push myself away from the table at the same time as Ridge sets his laptop aside and stands.
Go, Hunter. Just go, I say, unable to look at him for another second. The simple fact that he thought he had Ridge pegged as being anything like him pisses me off, and hed be smart to leave.
He stands up and walks straight to the door. He opens it and leaves without even looking back. Im not sure if his exit was so simple because he finally understands that Im not willing to take him back or if its because Ridge looked as if he was about to kick his ass.
I have a good feeling I wont be hearing from Hunter anymore.
Im still staring at the door when my phone sounds off. I take it out of my pocket and turn to Ridge. Hes holding his phone, looking at me with concern.
Ridge: Why was he here?
Me: He wanted to talk.
Ridge: Did you know he was coming over?
I look up at Ridge after reading his text, and for the first time, I notice his jaw is tense and he doesnt look very happy. Id almost label his reaction as slightly jealous, but I dont want to admit that.
Me: No.
Ridge: Why did you let him in?
Me: I wanted to hear him apologize.