I groan again and squeeze the hand she’s holding.
“Okay. But I need to get someone. You’re awake.” I stare at her, mad at the tears streaming down her face. I want to wipe them away. I open my mouth to speak but my throat is on fire. “They took the tube out yesterday. Here.” She grabs a cup of water and brings it to my lips. “Slow sips.” I lift my head. It feels like a bowling ball. I take the straw and try to suck down the water but end up choking. “Oh god, I need to get the doctor.”
I grab her wrist, stopping her. I need to see her. Look at her.
“I’m so sorry,” she cries out, tears continuing to stream down her angelic face. “I did this and I—”
“I—I—”
“Don’t talk. Your throat is probably sore from the tube.”
Frustrated, I refuse to stop until I get out what I have to say. “I?lo…lo…love…you…”
Fuck, I only made it worse. A sob breaks from her lips, and she cries harder. She grabs my hand, holding it to her mouth, pressing her sweet, soft lips to my palm. “Seriously, you’ve just been through hell and the first thing you have to say is that? Why are you so good—so caring—so perfect?”
I use every ounce of energy I have and pull her hand to my mouth. I press my lips to the inside of her wrist. “Bec—ause. I’m the—one…who should have—never let you go.”
She falls apart, and I coerce her to climb up into my bed. I need to feel her next to me. Smell her sweet cherry and vanilla scent. She hesitates, then lays down, careful not to jostle me. I hate myself when I groan and she tries to retreat.
“No…I—I need you.” She nods, soaking my gown, but I don’t care. I forget the stabbing pain in my side and shoulder. There’s no pain strong enough to force me to move her. “How…long have I been here?”
She chokes again as she cries out. “Six days.” Fuck. “You caught an infection and…you were touch and go the last three.”
I grip her tighter, holding back the wince in my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I—I messed up. I didn’t sa—save you.”
“Stop. Don’t you dare.” I hiss as she sits forward. Her tears wet her face. “This is all my fault. I did this.”
“You didn’t ask for—”
“Chase, I should have never walked away. It was selfish of me. I let my fears get in the way.” She has to stop to wipe at her tears and take a breath, and it kills me. “I was just so scared at how intense my emotions had become. Even more so at the thought of them being ripped away from me. I think a part of me was sabotaging what we had because I’d convinced myself that it was only inevitable that you would hurt me.”
“I never would.”
“I know that now. I know I’m the one who ruined everything.”
The pain is intense, but I don’t care. I grab her and pull her down to me. “You showed me I need to be better. Showed me what love truly is. I would have given my life for you if it helped you live.” Dammit, I feel like I’m only making this worse. “Please stop crying.”
She inhales a ragged breath. “I can’t. I’m so happy you’re awake. Sorry for so much. I thought you were never going to—”
“Hey,” I lift my palm to her cheek. “I’m a certified stalker. I never go away.” God, I love her laugh. Her plump lips. Her glassy eyes. No pain is going to stop me from kissing her. “Fuck,” I groan at the agony shooting up my side.
“Please, don’t move. I have to get a doctor.”
“No, don’t leave me.” Damn, that sounded needy. “I mean…hang out. It’s boring in here.”
I earn another cheeky giggle. “Seriously? You’ve been shot twice, and been on your death bed for six days, and you still have your sense of humor.”
“Got a girl to impress. And considering I probably don’t look my best and I’m in a fucking gown, I have to work extra hard.” Dammit, why more tears? “Shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“You don’t have to impress me. There’s not a single thing I don’t love about you, Chase Steinberg. Well…maybe the whole trying to die for attention thing. I would have just taken a confession of your undying love.”
“That would have never been enough for me. There may not be enough time on this earth for me to express how damn much I love you.” I grab her hand. “I would never have left you. I heard you. Your voice kept me fighting.”
Her voice cracks. A small sob escapes her lips. “The doctor told me you could. I wasn’t sure, but I did it anyway. And once I started, I couldn’t stop. I needed you to know so many of us were fighting for you. That I love you so much. How sorry I was. If it weren’t for me, you would have never been at the house that night—”