Worth the Chase

She raises her doll, then places it back on the ground. If I thought too much into it, her placement is like it was that night. Two standing, one lying. My chest constricts. I walk in, sitting on my knees next to her. “You feel like talking today?”

She doesn’t respond, just picks up another doll and brushes her hair.

“Anna, you know I promised you nothing would happen to you. What you did was very scary, but it was so very brave.” She doesn’t acknowledge my words, just continues to brush. “Anna, look at me. Please.”

She does, but her eyes lack that innocence.

“Nothing bad is going to happen to you. No one is going to take you away, okay? I made you a promise. And I will always keep it.”

She stares at me, her eyes dull. Suddenly, she jumps into my lap. Her movement startles me, and I almost fall backwards as I wrap my arms around her. Her little lips press to my ear, and I feel the warmth of her breath as she whispers, “It’s just between us, right, Bridget?”

I freeze with her in my arms. Tears well up in my eyes. My arms tighten around her, and I inhale the scent of her strawberry shampoo. I hate myself for what I’ve done to her. Forcing her to hold on to this horrible secret. But I refuse to ruin her young life over it. Taking a shaky breath, I reply, “Just between us, I promise.” I gently pull her away from me. “Thank you for saving us. You will always be my hero. My brave little princess. Always remember that.”

She nods. “Does this mean you’re staying?”

A question I’ve been asking myself since the incident. How can I leave Anna after what I’ve caused her? But how can I stay? I tuck a loose curl behind her ear. “I think it’s best for you to heal right now. Your daddy has so many exciting plans for you. Everything is going to be okay.”

Her slumped posture and distant frown tell me it’s not. She has a long road ahead of her. I desperately want to ask her how she knew the code. How she knew exactly what was in her father’s safe. But the damage is already done. And it won’t change the past. And now she has a long road ahead of her bearing this dark secret.

“What do we have here?” We both look up at Jonathon, dressed surprisingly in a pair of jeans and a casual polo.

“I was just coming to visit my favorite little princess.” Anna slowly climbs off my lap. Her demeanor changes, and she goes back to playing with her dolls.

“How’s playtime, baby?” Jonathon asks his daughter, but she doesn’t respond. My eyes crease with confusion. She just spoke… “Honey, I’m going to have a word with Miss Bridget, okay? Then we can go eat some dinner.” Anna nods, not even looking his way.

My heart breaks for her. I pat her on the thigh and get up, following Jonathon into the hallway.

“Did she speak to you at all?”

I struggle with telling the truth or lying. Then Anna’s words ring out in my mind. Just between us, right?

“No.”

Disappointment shades his dark eyes. I think he hopes I’ll be the one to get her to open up. “She needs time to heal. To understand. She’s a smart, resilient little girl.”

“That she is.”

A moment passes, and the silence between us becomes too much. “Well, I’m going to go. I only have a small box in the guesthouse. I’m going to grab it and leave the key with Alice.”

“You don’t have to leave.”

“I know. I don’t want to leave Anna. I’ll still be here for her. Visit as much as I can. But I think this is best.”

Jonathon made it clear he still wished for me to stay as Anna’s nanny, but I can’t see myself ever feeling confident enough to protect her. I let them both down. Monsters are always lingering. I’ve already brought one to his front door. I won’t do it again.

“We will miss you around here. And, please, don’t be a stranger.”

“I’ll be here for Anna. So long as I’m welcome.”

Jonathon nods. “What will you do now?”

The million-dollar question. My life has been such a whirlwind the past few years. I’ve felt a pain I never knew existed. I’ve lost and found again something I thought was gone forever. And now, with life and love giving me a second chance, I don’t want to take advantage of it. “Not sure. Settle in with Chase. See where we go. I was thinking of applying to college.” I offer him a parting smile and head down the stairs when Jonathon calls my name.

“I’ll deposit your last paycheck by the end of the week. Take care of yourself.”

“Thanks. You too.”