His finger wraps around my chin, tilting my face up to his. It’s like a punch in the gut any time our eyes connect. Like memories and lost promises being rammed down my throat until I’m choking on the nostalgia that I’m forced to swallow.
He pulls me in closer until my breasts collide with his chest. “You broke your promise too, Mer. Don’t fucking pile all this shit onto me.”
All of the anger I have been feeling since he rode back into town peaks and my arms fly out to the side as the words tumble out of my mouth and slap him right across the face. I can be unreasonable when I’m angry, and I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from harnessing my most lethal weapon like a sharp blade waiting for war.
“You never wanted me, Niko! Why would I listen to fucking—”
His hand is on the back of my neck and I’m paralyzed. Both physically and mentally.
He shoves my lips up to his and dips down to my level. “For the fucking record, Meraki, you’re all I ever did want.”
The words bounce off him and hit me twice as hard. I blink. Twice. Three times.
He sighs, giving me a small shove until I’m out of his embrace. “I need to fuckin’ talk with you properly. Without all the old teen drama that I don’t have fuckin’ time for.” He stares back at me, and I take in every single feature like it’s a damn test that I need to study for.
The sharp blade that carved my insolent tongue is the very same that clearly cut the curves of his cheekbones and jawline.
When he turns his back on me to make his way down to the water, I follow behind, that anger smoldering. For so long, I have lived with the thoughts of not being good enough for this man.
We had sex.
We were each other’s first in high school, both agreeing that we wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else first. Usually, your first time is traumatic or just downright bad. Ours wasn’t. It’s as though our bodies knew the curves of one another all along and all we had to do was connect. We never told a soul, except for Cece—Cece doesn’t count, the bitch doesn’t have a soul. Every time he was with another girl, it felt as though he was throwing darts at my heart. The guilt that tore me open every time I felt good when he’d cheat on all of them was crippling too, and this was constant, all throughout high school.
Until he left.
I fall beside him without saying a word, watching the current ripple in the water as it makes its way downstream. This was our favorite place when we were all kids. Countless parties here, and we’d even row Luca’s parents’ old boat down and tie it to a tree to sleep on during the night. Not always with Luca either.
“I hope your kid turns out to be an asshole.” I cross my arms in front of myself.
After a beat of silence, he bursts out laughing. “Psh, can’t be any worse than what we were all like.”
I chuckle a little, unable to hide the happiness that fills my chest. I’ve spent so long hating Niko, it feels good to have some of that chipped away. Not all. Just an inch.
I release a deep breath before bringing my eyes to his. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Like what?” he asks, the corner of his mouth tipped up.
I’ve always loved Niko’s lips. The bow that dips in, the natural plush that dusts them, and the way they gloss any time he runs his tongue over the edges.
“Like you didn’t hate me as long as I’ve hated you.”
He shakes his head slowly. “Never hated you, Mer.” I seek the lies he tells, but can’t find any.
“I miss Ari.” The words leave faster than I intended.
Niko remains silent, shuffling onto his back to lean on his arm. When he moves, his thigh grazes mine and fire ignites where they connect, setting off raging flames spreading through my body. Oh no.
He flicks sand at me with a light backhand. “Puhlease. Why are you so jumpy around me now?”
Truth is, I don’t know.
“I’m not.” I lean back onto my elbows and look up at him behind low lashes. “Lydia seems nice.”
“Hmmm.” His tongue glides over his stupid straight teeth. “I don’t wanna talk about Lydia.”
“You never do,” I mumble under my breath. I’ve always been the only one who is allowed to tread on the line that Niko has always kept very vivid as far as boundaries go. I’ve tried not to push it, but right now I don’t care. “So will she move here? Oh! You remember the Doltons? They’re selling their house, so maybe you guys could buy it. It’s not far from school or the compound!”