He releases my throat and shoves me back up against the car, pointing his finger on my chest. “You did everything that you did for Luca and Joseph, and now you can live with what you have done. The babies taken. The children raped and sacrificed. You can live with that, Meraki, not me.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I move my head and the moisture on my neck itches.
There is no getting through to him about that. “Why are you standing there on your high horse like you’ve done nothing bad, Nik, huh?” I step forward and shove him in the chest.
Everyone quiets.
I shove him again. “Why is it that you can do all that you’ve done and look down on me?”
He snatches my wrist once again and shoves me in closer. His eyes are wild, as if he’s fighting battles inside his mind that none of us can see. “Because I didn’t have a choice.”
He’s so close my eyes can’t focus.
“Oh, and I did?”
“Yeah.” He sneers, and I know his next words are going to hurt most. “You had a choice when you decided to hide what you were both doing behind my back.”
My eyes close and the tears fall. He was right. I knew it, Ma knew it, hell, everyone knew it. I had Niko in the palm of my hand when we were younger, but for my own selfish and immature reasons, I didn’t confide in him.
“You had Cece.” I can’t believe the words fell from my mouth. I’m just glad they’re at least a soft whisper.
“Fuck Cece!” Niko snaps, turning his back on me. “And you fucking know it.”
When Nik finally makes his way toward the Cathedral with Mal beside him, and Jer giving me one last smile before following, that same hand is on my arm again.
“Baby girl,” Ma says, swiping my hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear. “People need to say what they need to say. It’s their right to do so. But what you don’t do is pick up the words that they spewed and take them in.” She turns my face to hers with both hands on either side of my cheeks. “You hear me? You leave everything he just said on the ground and you walk your fine ass over them,” she hisses, reaching into her jeans pocket and taking out a cigarette.
Knights members are around us, but some of them followed Leader of the Cunt Pack into the church.
“Shit, I raised him better than that, but the master won, and my son is no longer there.”
She’s right about that. Niko is nowhere near the same person he was. A pang of loss hits me, and my hand flies to my mouth before I run to the back of the Range Rover and spew out all of the champagne I drank on the way over here. It’s like mourning someone twice in one lifetime.
Once I’ve finished dry heaving out my stomach lining, I swipe my mouth with the back of my hand and take the flask off Ma, unscrewing the lid. I take a few hits of the aged whiskey before handing it back to her and stealing her cigarette.
“He told you to come?”
“No. I found out this was happening because I was being nosy and overheard.”
I place the smoke into my mouth. “Guess I should go and see what all of this shit is about.”
We’re both moving toward the ancient building. The rusted bells have crusted to their spot, and the old concrete path is in desperate need of a wash.
“Is it true, what he said?” Ma asks.
Ma has never been judgmental. I once made her swear to secrecy when I asked her for a ride to a clinic. Niko still doesn’t know about that trip to this day. He doesn’t know that he would have been a father if I didn’t make the decision to terminate. I know whatever I tell her, she won’t hold against me, so I have no reason to lie to her, nor will I ever.
“No.” We stop at the arched doors that lead down the altar. “None of what he said was true.”
“You make sure he knows that, baby.” She takes my hand in hers and I squeeze her withered fingers tightly. “You make damn sure he knows your truth, Meraki, and you fucking own that shit. You own him.” My eyes fly up to meet hers, my mouth slightly open, but the cigarette is still burning between my fingers. “He would never do anything to hurt you, baby girl. No matter how vicious his words are, you will forever be his exception. Monster or man, you own both parts of him.”
“I don’t know anymore, Ma.” My voice trembles and my lips quiver. “He’s different now.”
“No, baby.” She squeezes my hand. “He’s only cruel to you because he’s trying to convince himself that has nothing to do with you.”