Incandescent

Still, I turned toward him, noting the others from the group walking to their cars. I wanted to thank Harmony for having my back right away—unlike Delaney—but I didn’t see her anywhere. “Lane, I swear to God, if you’re going to say something insensitive or—”

He blinked. “Are you kidding me?”

I aimed the key fob at my car to unlock it. “I don’t want to feel disappointed, especially since you’ve always been supportive.”

“And that’s what I’m trying to be,” he said, gripping my arm, “even if it did take me a minute to process that information. I apologize for that.”

I scoffed. “Several minutes.”

His eyebrows knitted together. “What?”

“You said it took you a minute, but it was several; believe me, I counted.” I had no idea why this was bothering me so much, but I couldn’t stop my frustration from pouring out. “I knew there might be a bevy of reactions just because I announced I had a date with another guy. But from you, I expected at least a thumbs-up or something that told me you were cool with it. I was worried that you—that our friendship—”

“Damn, I’m sorry.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “Guess I felt blindsided. I just wish you’d told me.”

“Told you that I’m bisexual, screwed around with a couple of guys before I met Carmen, fell in love, and married her?” I replied, a little too forcefully. “That’s not a topic that ever came up between us. In fact, the only reason I latched on to the idea was because watching straight porn was painful for me, so switching to gay porn was a refreshing change, and from there, I just…I don’t know, let my imagination fly.”

His eyes widened as he stared at me. I knew it wasn’t because of the porn topic because we’d both admitted to doing it in the past with and without our wives. It was during a particularly late night at the bar over drinks, where the topic of being numb and not feeling much below the waist came up. Grief wrecked you not only emotionally but physically as well.

“You’re right. And I totally get it…” He bit his lip as if to stop himself from saying anything further. It only served to unnerve me.

I crossed my arms. “Get what?”

“Nothing, just…” He breathed out. “That it must’ve felt strange saying it out loud.”

“It was.” I leaned my hip against my bumper. “Guess I thought you’d immediately be receptive because of…well, because of Tristan.”

“Yeah, of course. Like I told you, I was taken aback. I’m sorry it took me so long to get my bearings. I completely support you.”

“Fuck, okay, thanks.” I was definitely riding him way too hard. What the hell had come over me? My shoulders relaxed. “You’re right. I should’ve told you. I didn’t even mean to blurt it out tonight. I don’t know why I did.”

He glanced toward the building. “Maybe because it’s good to get it out there in front of people you’ve trusted with other information?”

“Yeah, maybe that’s it.” I shoved my hand in my pocket, toeing at a rock on the asphalt. “Plus, next meeting, I would’ve been asked how the date went. And I hate hiding shit. I mean, unless it’s necessary.”

“Understandable. So this guy you’re meeting…” He gulped, and I could tell something was off, no matter how much he tried to convince me it wasn’t. “It sounds promising.”

“Like I said, it’s only coffee. Meeting someone two and a half years after my wife passed away.” I swallowed the boulder in my throat. It still felt…surreal.

“It’s a big step. The guy’s lucky.” He nudged my shoulder. “You’re sort of all right to hang with.”

He grinned, and I returned the gesture, feeling calmer than I had all night. And also weirdly flattered. To hear he enjoyed our friendship made me feel special. Mainly because he could’ve chosen to spend his time with anyone else. He had a hell of a lot on his plate.

He lightly rapped his knuckles on my trunk. “And I hope to be able to get there myself someday.”

I nodded. “You will, in your own time.”

I had joined the group six months before Delaney, and in some ways, I considered myself ahead in dealing with my grief. In others, I was behind. Delaney was better at being direct—except tonight, apparently. But damn, he’d been there for me when I’d only wanted to throw myself into work and hide.

And when he was ready, plenty of women would find him attractive. Not only because of his kindness and compassion but also…his dark hair and light-blue eyes were very appealing.

Nothing wrong with noticing any of those things about my friend.

I felt a spike of panic. “I hope this doesn’t change—”

“Never,” Delaney said, clapping me on the back, and for the first time tonight, I believed him. Maybe it did just take him longer for stuff to sink in.