Incandescent

“Grant will be taking his SATs soon, and obviously, his scores will be used for his college applications,” I said, reaching for the salad bowl.

“It’s hard to believe you’ll be graduating next year, Grant,” Howard said. “Are you excited?”

“It’s almost too fast,” Grant muttered, his cheeks rosy. “There’s so much to do.”

“Like what?” Donna asked, passing the garlic bread to Howard.

Grant chewed a bite of his pasta, then said, “Like finally getting my license and making more memories with friends.”

“We’ve still got plenty of time,” I reminded him.

“Dad said we’ll probably visit NYU,” Grant told them, and I was surprised he hadn’t mentioned it to his grandparents sooner. Or about inviting Marcus. Let’s not open that can of worms. Grant continued, “Not because I want to go there—I’ll probably consider local colleges like CSU and Kent—but to see where Mom went to school.”

“Really?” Donna asked, eyeing me. She seemed delighted with the idea.

“It’s something Rebecca and I talked about, and I think Grant would like the city.”

“Well, your mother certainly did,” Howard told Grant, shaking his head. “I was glad when she decided to move back home.”

“Your grandfather always worried about her safety in such a big city,” Donna said in an exasperated tone. “But your mom took care of herself just fine.”

“She did, didn’t she?” I mused.

Grant wore a playful smile, and I wondered what memory of Rebecca he was conjuring up right then.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Grant looked at me. “I might be able to get a job at the movie theater, and you know, pay for my own gas and stuff. Jeremy said there were openings.”

That was definitely new information, adding yet another layer of mystery to their friendship, which I was starting to think with increasing certainty was way more. There were probably clues all along that I’d never noticed. Rebecca would’ve, though. And no doubt, Grant would’ve already confided in her.

“Have you met this Jeremy fellow?” Howard asked, breaking me out of my pessimistic thoughts.

“Yeah, of course.” I twisted the noodles around my fork. “He’s a nice kid.”

“I’m glad you have a good friend,” Donna said with a smile, and it was so reminiscent of what she’d said to me about Marcus on Halloween that my chest ached.

“Yeah, Jeremy is…” Grant trailed off, then swallowed. “He’s awesome.”

Grant fidgeted in his seat, making me wonder if he was mustering up the courage to say something more meaningful. And why shouldn’t he be able to? My gut churned.

We finished eating, and after clearing the dishes, we relaxed in the living room for a bit, but I could tell Howard was uncomfortable, likely because he was used to his reclining chair and his favorite news program that he watched ad nauseam. Donna was a saint where he was concerned. But that was love and commitment. For better or worse.

“I heard Grant’s school is doing well in Scholastic Challenge,” Donna said. They had made the top twelve in the state, and the teacher who ran the club felt confident they’d make it all the way to the final four. “When are the semifinals? I’ll put it on our calendar.”

“Not until the end of March,” I replied, trying to remember the email sent to parents. “I’ll have to look for the exact date. They’re allowing only four tickets each because there’s limited seating for family.”

A pained look passed between Rebecca’s parents.

“She’ll be with us in spirit,” I said in a solemn voice, and I felt Grant shift beside me on the couch.

“She definitely will,” Donna replied in a tight voice. “And she’ll be so proud of Grant.”

Howard murmured his assent, and I squeezed Grant’s knee.

It grew silent in the room, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. We’d shared many of these smaller pauses over the past couple of years, each of us taking a moment to remember Rebecca in our own way.

“Maybe Marc will wanna come instead,” Grant said so suddenly, I nearly choked on my own saliva.

“Grant.” He obviously didn’t understand how that might feel for his grandparents, as if Marcus would be taking Rebecca’s place, but I could see the pain written all over Donna’s face.

“Marc is not part of our family,” Howard said in a dismissive tone, and I felt a sting of frustration that I couldn’t unpack right then. There were more urgent things to discuss.

“No,” Grant said, “but he’s a good friend, and I like having him around.” Grant looked at me. “Dad does too. Right?”

With all eyes on me, I sat there motionless, trying to think of the right thing to say. I thought back to that conversation with Donna on Halloween.

“We all need to find happiness wherever we can. Rebecca would want that.”

“When I met Rebecca, it was like I’d been struck by lightning,” I said in a soft voice, ignoring Howard’s confused expression. “Pretty early on, I knew I wanted to spend my life with her. And nothing mattered more than making that happen.”