“Caleb?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m a virgin.” I say it matter-of-factly, like I’ve just told him it’s raining outside, or there’s a new movie playing this weekend. I don’t know why I announced it this way or what I’m expecting him to say.
He says nothing; the silence in the room is deafening.
“I’m only telling you b-because…”
He waits patiently for me to finish my sentence, but it’s caught in my throat. I can’t say the words; I don’t even know what the words are.
So instead I brave through it. “Does my being a virgin make you feel more comfortable?”
He clears his throat. “Don’t you mean uncomfortable?”
“No. I thought that, you know, two virgins… being awkward together.”
He looks up at the ceiling and clasps his hands behind his head, moving it slowly back and forth. “Abby, I’m not a virgin.”
Oh.
Oh!
Oh. My. God.
“I… I… Can we please, please pretend that didn’t just happen?” I beg with a nervous giggle.
“Pretend what didn’t just happen?”
“The whole virgin announce—” I clamp my mouth shut when the lightbulb goes off. “Okay, I see what you did there.”
He chuckles softly beside me.
Nervously, I clasp my hands together on my lap and stare at my feet, which are barely touching the floor. “Sooo, I guess I should…”
Get going? Get staying?
Get a clue.
“Stay. I mean. If you want to, uh.” Caleb clears his throat again. “If you want to stay, that’s cool. No pressure. I’m just throwing it out there. Since it’s late.”
Sure, it’s late—but it’s not that late. Eleven o’clock on college student time is when parties are usually just getting started. Besides, I only live a few blocks over, so his walking me home isn’t a big deal. It’s three minutes away.
I might not have a lot of previous experience when it comes to guys and their intentions, but I know this: Caleb’s nonchalant attitude isn’t fooling me. He wants me to stay, and that makes me nervous.
Abruptly, I stand and wipe my clammy palms on the front of my jeans. “I’m just gonna use the bathroom if you don’t mind?”
Shutting myself in his master bath, I pull out my phone and frantically tap out a quick text to Cecelia.
Me: HELP! SOS! I think Caleb wants me to stay the night at his place. AM I READY FOR THIS? Is this moving too fast?????????????????
She responds within seconds.
Cecelia: Okay, first of all, cool it with the ALL CAPS and hundred question marks. You’re not texting me while you’re with him are you??
Me: No. I’m holed up in his bathroom like a big scaredy cat. We were sitting on the end of his bed, and I said it was getting late, and he said I could spend the night if I wanted to.
Me: So I got up and shut myself in the bathroom. I’m so awk, Cece!!!! I don’t know if I can go back out there and act suave.
Cecelia: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just use suave in a sentence….
Me: WOULD YOU BE SERIOUS?????????????
Cecelia: SORRY! Okay. Chill. Deep breath.
Cecelia: Go out there and rock his world. Dude deserves to get laid. Might I recommend starting with the classic blow job.
I stare at my cell phone screen, face turning red and mouth hanging open.
Cecelia: OMG I’m so sorry! Matthew stole my phone.
Me: I can’t stay in here all night. What should I do?
Cecelia: What do you WANT to do?
Me: I want… I guess I want to spend the night.
Cecelia: Then what are you waiting for?? Abs, remember, just because you stay doesn’t mean you have to have sex with him.
Me: I know. I’m just nervous. My palms are sweating. My face is red. My neck has a rash. I’m A HOT MESS.
Cecelia: Awkward is only part of your charm.
Me: So NOT what I wanted to hear.
Cecelia: Well, it’s true. You’re never going to be “one of those girls” who just goes for the guy. That’s not you, let’s face it. But what you do have is charm. And you’re sweet. For the most part.
My phone dings again as she continues.
Cecelia: I know it’s hard for you because you’re shy around guys, but I don’t think you have to worry with Caleb. He might not be a virgin, but he knows less than you do.
Me: Gee, why doesn’t that make me feel better?
Cecelia: It should. If you’re worried he’s going to judge you, don’t. DO NOT. He’s putting himself out there. Why don’t you do the same?
Me: God, I hate when you’re right…
CHAPTER 24
CALEB
What is taking her so damn long?
I stand and walk over to my dresser, dig into the pocket of my jeans, empty the content onto its surface, then kick my shoes off and push them under my desk with the side of my foot.
Glancing again at my bathroom door, I pull out my desk chair and sit, rolling it back and forth on the hardwood floors while rapping my knuckles nervously against the solid wood of my desktop.