Run five miles on my condo complexes treadmill in under thirty minutes flat, while watching almost two entire episodes of Full House. Thirty minutes is military speed, thank you very much.
Organize and re-name all the pictures on my iPhone into tidy little files.
Clean the toilet and sink in my master bathroom.
Cleaned them again.
Order a large Toppers pizza, two-liter bottle of Cola, and dipping sauce. It’s way over my allotted caloric intake for the day, but at this point, I couldn’t care less.
However. Two hours later, Cecelia’s excited Yay me! text is still grating on my nerves, and I curl my lip. I don’t realize it now, but tonight when I look back at this moment, I’ll recognize this for what it is: jealously.
And even though I’m not completely over myself yet, I text her back - albeit hours later.
Me: Great. Have fun.
Yeah. Even I know that sounds sarcastic – and yes, I know I’m acting like an immature dick, but I. Don’t. Give. A. Shit. I’m pissed. Oblivious to my mood, or completely ignoring my sarcasm, she quickly responds: I will – I am SOOOO excited!
Honestly. Could she have added any more O’s to that that sentence?
I take my phone’s battery out and abandon it on the kitchen counter for the rest of the night.
CHAPTER 12
CECELIA
“You seriously haven’t ever heard of a water bra? It’s, like, standard issue in a woman’s revenge tool kit.”
– Jenna
“Hey Moll… do you mind if I come in for a minute?” I hesitate in Molly’s bedroom door, biting my lower lip. She’s at her desk with the light on, text book open and Pandora softly playing a track from Ed Sheeran.
She looks up. “What a question – of course you can come in. Have a seat.” She points to the bed and closes her book, turning to straddle her desk chair. “What’s with the sad face?”
Flopping down on the bed, I let out a loud sigh and throw my face down into her pillow. “Ugh! I’ve gone and done it this time.”
“Oooh, I like the sound of that,” Molly says, chuckling softly.
“Oh god, now you’re starting to sound just like Jenna. Which isn’t a compliment, considering she’s a sexual deviant.”
“Mmm, she’d like to consider herself more a continental woman of mystery…”
“Isn’t it International Man of Mystery? Continental makes no sense whatsoever.”
Molly shrugs. “Jenna makes no apologies. Plus, she’s strictly mysterious in United States. Sometimes Hawaii.”
“You two are so weird.”
“Jenna’s weird. I’m simply relaying the message.”
“Okay, okay, this conversation has gotten completely off track.” I take a deep sigh. “So the reason I’m here – and you know this isn’t easy for me to say. I’ll probably choke on my words a few times...”
“Would you spit it out?”
“I can’t! It’s embarrassing.”
“Cece, you’re a grown ass woman. Spit it out.”
I look down at my chest. “Grown woman? Please. My boobs aren’t even fully developed.”
Molly laughs. “You are so full of shit. I happen to think your boobs are way too big for your frame.”
She’s lying but I love her for it anyways. My boobs are ‘fine’ – nice even - but I won’t be sending in any photographs to Playboy magazine. I’m a B cup on most days, sometimes a C when I have my period, and my bras totally suck because I’m way too cheap to shell out fifty bucks for a decent one at Victoria’s Secret.
“So, I have this date with your brother’s friend Neve.” I say the words and for some reason, I have to wait for the excitement that should come along with such an announcement.
Molly blinks are me and puts a hand on her chest before saying, “Oh god. I thought for a second you were going to say you had a date with my broh-ther…”
Yeah. Not really sure how to translate that comment… Is she saying this in a relieved kind of way because her brother’s a big dope, or is she disappointed I don’t have a date with him…?
I push on. “Well. I mean. I told him and he seemed pissed. I mean. He didn’t text me back.”
“Wait… who was pissed?”
“Your brother.”
“I thought you said your date was with Neve.”
“It is.”
“So wait. What?”
“I told him I had a date and he didn’t text me back.”
“Who didn’t?”
“Oh my gawd! Are you even paying attention?” Frustrated, I shout this last part and flap my arms like a duck.
“Whoa Nelly. Chill. Start over. You have a date with Neve… but… who didn’t text you back? Neve, or my brother? I’m sooo confused.”
I take a deep breath and count to five. “Neve called me for a date. I accepted. I told Matthew. Now he’s not talking to me.”
Molly stares. In fact, she stopped blinking.
“Did you hear me?”
I wave a hand in front of her face. “Yoo-hoo…”
She shakes her head and lets out a “Whoa! For a second there I thought I heard you wrong. It sounded like you said you and Matthew were texting each other!” She gives a little giggle. “I know that’s not happening because you would have told me about it, right?”