I sigh. This is not how I wanted this to play out. The meeting with the rest of the Ghost Team this afternoon went smoothly, but the men were all surprised, to say the least. Did I think I could come here and tell her I’m stepping back from the business and everything was going to be okay? I should have known better... and I definitely shouldn’t have started this by pissing her off. “Look, I’m sorry. I came to—”
She doesn’t let me finish. She throws her hands in the air. “You came to interfere. For months now, you’ve shown up everywhere I am. I’ve seen you more since the divorce than I did when we were married. Nash... this has to stop.”
I shake my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry, Emery, but I can’t let you go.”
She looks so sad. “You already did. You signed the papers.”
I reach for her, but she draws back, and I let my hands fall to my side. “I didn’t want to sign them, but you were so mad, so upset... I couldn’t stand seeing you like that. I had a mission.”
She rolls her eyes. “You always have a mission.”
Tell her you’re stepping back. Now’s your opening. But I open my mouth and close it real quick. She’s too mad, she’s not going to listen, and even if she does, she’s not going to care. I fist my hands at my side. “I know I was gone a lot...”
She laughs out loud, but I continue. “I know I did a lot of things wrong, things I regret.”
She looks almost scared as she searches my face. “I don’t wanna hear it...”
I take a step toward her. “You need to hear it, Emery. I know I messed up, but I want to fix it. I can’t go on like this. We can’t go on like this.”
She cocks her shapely hip out and puts her hand on it. “Why? Why do you care now? All this time, I was yours, Nash. You had me and never had the time for me. Now I’m dating and putting myself out there and you decide you want me.”
I clench my eyes, count to three, and open them. “I’ve always wanted you. I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t. But I love you, Emery. I always have and I always will.”
She wants to believe me. The hope is evident in her face that she wants to. But just as soon as her face starts to soften, her guard comes back up. “No!”
“No? What do you mean, no?”
She’s shaking her head, and her hand trembles as she pushes a piece of hair off her face. “I mean, no, Nash. I can’t go through this again. All the traveling…”
I start to interrupt her and tell her that I’m not traveling anymore, but she doesn’t let me. She holds her hand up. “Stop. Let me finish. All the traveling, and even when you were here you were never HERE. And then the women... I can’t.”
“Women? What women? What the hell are you talking about, Emery?”
She grabs the strap of the purse that’s hanging across her body. Her knuckles are white from how tight she’s holding it. “I’m not going to spell it out for you. The other women. I’m not stupid to believe that you were gone all that time and...” She holds her hand up and starts backing away. “You know what? Forget it. I’m not getting into this now. It’s over, Nash. We’re over.”
I let her go. My whole body is vibrating in anger. How can she even think I would ever betray her? I would never. From the day I met her, I haven’t looked at another woman. Even since the divorce, I haven’t bothered. I know that there’s only one woman for me, and unfortunately, I’m starting to realize that she may not want anything to do with me.
Chapter 4
Emery
I almost go back into the Whiskey Whistler, but as I feel the wetness on my cheeks, I change my mind. I go past the door and walk down the block toward my car. I probably should feel bad or guilty for the way that I just left Ray with no explanation, but I can't seem to make myself care right now. All this time has gone by, I finally decide to try and start dating again, and now Nash pulls this. He can’t pull a stunt like that just because he doesn’t want me to date someone.
My car is parked only a block away, and I get in and slam the door shut and lay my head on the steering wheel. A deep agony fills me. It’s the same hurt I’ve felt since I mentioned the word divorce, but it’s even more intense.
I know it sounds foolish, but a part of me wants to walk back to where I left Nash standing. Every part of my being tells me that he is not the type to cheat. I know he's not, but still there's that little glimmer of doubt that has rocked my insecurities since he agreed to the divorce. Why else would he have agreed like he did? But I shouldn’t have thrown it in his face. Not like that. Through everything– even the divorce–he has gone out of his way to be nice to me. He left me the house, pays an alimony that is way too much, and even though I denied it, he still sends it to my bank account each month. And how do I repay him? By accusing him of cheating when I’m really not sure that’s what happened.