Chapter 14
Emery
I'm wrapped in Nash's arms, and I can't imagine another place I'd rather be. But already, I'm starting to have second thoughts. I try to make light of the situation. "Obviously, pain pills and alcohol don't mix well," I say to him.
He grunts before he kisses the top of my head. “I haven't taken any of the pain pills. And I only had half a glass of wine.”
I pull away from his arms a little and get up on my elbows to look at him. "We probably should have talked about all of this first."
He doesn't let me go far. He still has his hand on my back and his legs over mine. "Talked about what?"
"Nash, I'm not on the pill anymore. When we got a divorce, I didn't think I needed it."
He shrugs as if it's not a big deal. "That's good, right? I mean, you wanted a baby." He’s watching me closely, and I try not to let the emotion show on my face. He's right, I do want a baby. But what about him? I look at my hands, twiddling with my fingers. "I'm just saying that if I do get pregnant, it doesn't have to change anything. I can take care of him or her on my own. I don't want..." But he doesn't let me finish.
He interrupts me, and his whole body gets tense next to mine. "You don't want me in the picture?"
I shake my head. "That's not what I meant."
His voice raises. "Well, what did you mean? It sounds to me like you want a kid, but it doesn't matter if I'm around or not."
I blow out a breath in frustration. "You know that's not true. I've always wanted you, Nash, but you are unreachable."
He lifts up on his elbow and puts his head in his palm, staring at me. "You're right. We should have talked first."
I shake my head. "I wasn't trying to trap you. I'm sorry, Nash. This doesn't have to change anything."
For just a second, he looks mad. It's as if I can visibly see him count to 10 as he watches me. I know that every emotion is showing on my face: insecurity, fear, hope. All of it is right there for him to see. I don’t even try to hide it. He takes a deep breath, reaches for my hand, and holds on to it. He mutters the words that bring even more hope to me. "What if I want it to change?"
My eyes widen. "What do you mean?"
He pulls me toward him until our bodies are flush once again against each other. "What if I want it to change everything?"
Damn, I want to believe him. I so much want to believe that everything can be different this time around. But I know I won't survive it if it's not the case. I blurt it all out. "I can't do that again, Nash. Do you have any idea what it's like when you leave? I'm scared the whole time that something is going to happen to you. Hell, look at this last year, all those things. I can't do it."
He puts his hand on my cheek and looks at me without blinking. "I'm not traveling anymore, Emery. At least not like that. I'm not going on missions. We promoted Colt, and we're hiring more people. Everything I do will be from Whiskey Run."
"But..." I start, and he holds his hand up to stop me.
"Listen to me. I've already talked to Walker. Before any of this happened, I talked to him and put everything in motion. I'm done with all of the traveling. The only thing that I want is to be close to you and to our family. If we have our own kids, if we adopt, whatever it is that you want, that's what I want. And I know I'm gonna to fuck up along the way, but I'm going to count on you to tell me and give me a chance to make it right."
I look down at the bed because it hurts to look at him. I don't want him to resent me. "Nash, you're going to miss it."
He puts his finger on the bottom of my chin and lifts my face to where I look at him.
"I miss you, Emery. I can go forever without doing another mission, but I can't go another day without you. I need you. I've loved you this whole time, and I'll never stop. From this point on, I'm going to be the man that you need. The man that you want. That's all that matters to me."
I start to cry because how could I not? It's like he's giving me everything I want, granting me my wish. I dive on top of him, kissing him, and he laughs as he holds on to me. I’m not a fool. I know there are going to be issues that come up, but with Nash by my side, we can work through it.