She propped herself up on her elbow and gazed into his eyes. “I don’t why I trust you – you betrayed me… but… somehow I feel as if you wouldn’t hurt me. Not on purpose. Maybe because you trusted me and opened up about… you know, what happened with your friend.”
“I’d never hurt you, Astrid. Never.”
Satisfied, she laid her head down on his warm chest, smiling contentedly. Soon she started to drift into a snooze.
He eased himself out from underneath her. “I’m just going for a cigarette, sweetheart.”
“No… You’re warm.”
“I’ll be right back.” He kissed her on the side of the head. “Then I promise to come back and send you to heaven again. You can definitely trust me on that.”
Chapter Thirteen
Jake strolled out to the front of the hotel, glowing inside. It was cold out here, but his body was still warm from the sex – and his heart was full of affection for Astrid. He shook away his sentimental thoughts – he didn’t know what kind of spell she’d put on him, but he was finding it hard to get her out of his head. She was beginning to possess his soul…
He delved in his pocket for his cigarettes, but he paused for a moment and inhaled the fresh air, filling his lungs with the musky aroma that floated around him. It was gloriously dark here – much darker than NYC, and quieter too. Jake stood silently for a moment and enjoyed being enveloped in velvety night.
He sparked up a cigarette, vowing to only smoke half so he could get back to Astrid quickly. His body relaxed as he blew out the smoke, and his mind ran over their pleasant conversation outside the house earlier. He’d never told anyone about the death of his childhood friend before, and he felt lighter for sharing it. Astrid was a kind person, and a good listener.
But, of course, what he’d told her wasn’t really the dark secret that had been holding him back all this time – causing him to isolate his heart; making him feel as if he didn’t deserve love. That one was shameful – something he needed to keep a lid on and never reveal it to anyone who cared about him. It was a surefire way to make them leave him forever.
He realized it was like being an onion with ever-decreasing layers of crap that Astrid – or anyone he cared about – would need to fight through. Was he really prepared to put such a sweet woman through all that? And what would she discover once she unraveled him completely? That ‘pure’ version of himself that they’d talked about earlier? Jake was doubtful whether he still existed.
He wondered how she’d react if she discovered his awful secret… He tried to imagine how he could ever even vocalize it to her…
‘Astrid, there’s something I need to tell you. You’re not going to like it, but I think it’s stopping me from…’
A noise ahead of him made him look up.
“Hello, Jake.”
It was Emma. She was still wearing her tight-fitting dress, but she’d draped a thick scarf over her shoulders against the chill. The expression on her face suggested she thought she was the epitome of sexual allure. But all Jake could see was a sad young woman who was desperate for attention. He had no plans to give it to her.
“Goodnight, Emma,” he said. He took a drag on his cigarette and threw it on the leaf-strewn ground, then he stepped on it and turned toward the hotel.
She halted behind him and spoke with a mocking tone. “Scared you off, did I?”
He knew he should ignore her. There was a beautiful woman waiting for him in his bed. But this was the equivalent of calling him a coward and his ego wouldn’t let it go…
He turned back. “You don’t scare me. What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you. When we were dancing, I sensed there was an attraction between us. Want to take it further?”
She walked forward and draped her arms around his shoulders. He grasped her wrists and eased her away. “That attraction was in your head, Emma.”
Her face flashed with rejected annoyance. “What do you see in Astrid? Everyone knows I’m the more beautiful sister.”
Jake snorted. “Did an enchanted mirror tell you that?”
“Oh… you’re a comedian as well as a hunk.”
She wrapped her arms around him again, managing to curl her fingers across his back like a squid’s tentacles.
He peeled her away. “Looking for somewhere to stick a knife?”
“Just trying to be friendly.”
“Well, I said no.”