He gazed at her. That was true until he’d met her. But somehow he knew he could trust her. “Someone did,” he said quietly.
“Someone hurt you?”
He nodded imperceptibly. “Yeah.”
“An adult?” she asked. “When you were a kid?”
“Hmm… There was an uncle who got… too friendly…” An icy chill slunk through Jake’s veins at this confession. He’d never told anyone before, and suddenly it sounded so stupid – why would anyone let that ruin their entire life? But at the time it’d tortured his soul. And it still did now. It made him feel weak, and that was why he’d needed to be tougher than tough ever since. Or to at least seem that way. So no one could hurt him ever again.
Astrid gazed tenderly into his eyes. “Well that definitely wasn’t your fault, Jake. Certainly nothing you should be ashamed of.”
“I know that rationally – as an adult. But at the time…”
Her voice was full of compassion. “How long did it go on for?”
“A while. He babysat when my parents went out – they thought he was so kind to offer... What a great guy, you know… But he wasn’t a great guy. He was an evil sadistic bastard. I hated him, and myself for letting it happen. I wanted nothing but revenge… And then one day, I got it.”
“Oh yeah? What did you do?”
“I decided no more. Something inside me just clicked…”
“What did you do?” Her eyes widened with worry. “You didn’t kill him, did you?”
He chuckled gently. “No, course not… One night when he was there and my parents were out – it was a winter’s night – he started doing what he did… I waited until he took off his clothes and then I pretended I could hear a sound out front. I said it was probably the cops and that he should hide in the backyard. He panicked and ran out there, grabbing only his underpants. I locked him outside, freezing his balls off until my parents got back. He never babysat again. I think they knew. But they never mentioned it to me. They seemed more ashamed than I was… At the time I thought they were ashamed of me.”
She caressed his face. “I’m so sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry you’ve been through such a trauma.”
Jake smiled thinly. “I’ll never forget his panicked whispers that night, as I stood there watching him from the house. He was knocking on the cold window, saying, ‘Jake, Jake, let me in…’ He threatened to kill me a few times while he was out there – which obviously didn’t make me too keen to let him inside.”
She kissed him. “It sounds like you got your revenge. But…”
“But it leaves you cold, you know. And he never got in trouble for what he did. There was no justice. I guess that’s why I became a cop – to try to get some justice. But it didn’t work…”
Astrid’s gaze connected deep within his soul. “You might not believe me, but I do know how you feel. Simon was so awful to me… nothing sexual, rarely violent – but the mental bullying was unbearable.”
Jake’s muscles tensed. “When I get my hands on him…”
“No. I want us to think about the future now. The present.” She kissed him. “But I do wish sometimes I could wind back the time to before I met him. Perhaps you feel like that too? To the age of innocence, when we were pure and full of hope. Before all the criticism; before we were told we were wrong.”
“Maybe we can. When I’m with you I feel like that. Shiny and new.”
“Me too.” She brushed her fingers over his face. “How do you feel now you’ve told me about your uncle?”
“All right. Weird. Lighter I guess.”
“I’m proud of you – I know that wasn’t easy.”
He kissed her, pulling her close and soaking up her love. “I feel like… I feel like I need to wash away the past.”
“You want to take a bath?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Or a shower.”
She stood up. “Okay, let’s shower together. We can both wash away the past.”
He gazed deep into her beautiful eyes. “Thank you, Astrid. I think you might’ve just saved my life.”
“Nah… But there is one thing you can do for me.”