Aleki sank unceremoniouslyinto his desk chair, exhaustion making his muscles dense and his movements ungainly. The soft cushioning embraced him, giving him a single glorious moment of respite before he flipped open the lid of his laptop and the blue glow of responsibility shone out at him from the screen. Navigating to his emails, he skipped past several regarding upcoming school visits and focused instead on the ones from Avali’s minister for trade, outlining the finalised details of the Samoa deal that both countries had signed the week before.
Relief poured through him. It was done. His position was secure. Parliament could take care of the rest, but he, Prince Aleki, had fulfilled his promise to his king and secured a measure of economic stability for his people.
If only he could be happy about it.
He took comfort in the knowledge, certainly. The signing had lifted his own burden, but also that of the farmers and suppliers. Yet the hollowness in his chest had not abated. If anything, it was deeper, darker, more tangled since Stella’s phone call.
A new parental agreement, her words echoed in his head. Since marriage is no longer on the table.
If he’d harbored any hope that she was calling to restore their relationship, those words had shot it dead. The best thing he could do now was to honour her request.
A knock at the door pulled his attention from the screen. Lani entered his office, bearing his lunch tray.
“Good afternoon.”
“Lani.” He watched as she lowered the tray to his desk. Chop suey, fried chicken and taro leaves poached in coconut milk. Comfort food.
“Thank you.” He offered a weary smile up at her. “I appreciate your hard work.”
Lani smiled back, a cautious pull of her lips that immediately put him on guard.
“Is there something wrong?”
His assistant sighed. “May I speak plainly?”
“You usually do.” He gestured to the vacant chairs in front of his desk.
She sank gracefully into one, holding his gaze. “I’m worried about you. We all are. You’ve been working so hard recently, and doing far more than I’ve scheduled. I know the Samoa deal was important to you, but it’s done now. Yet you spent all this week in meetings with the tourism minister, the finance minister and the Parliament sitting going over referendum options. You visited farms and hospitals and parent groups. All spontaneous, unscheduled visits. You haven’t eaten, you haven’t rested. Even on Sundays you are out with the people. That is not a healthy life, sir. Without taking some time to yourself, you will have nothing of yourself left to offer.”
“Lani, I am heir to the throne of Avali. My focus should always be on our people. On their governance, yes, but also on their lives. The day-to-day life of the villagers, the fisheries, the farmers and the industrial workers. I have been distracted before now, and I have neglected my duties. I am determined to do better.”
Lani hesitated. “But what about your duty to your family?”
Righteous indignation swelled. “I am doing my duty to my family,” he snapped. “The king asked me to complete the Samoa deal, and I have. He asks that I focus on our infrastructure, and I have. The Esera family has ruled Avali for almost three hundred years. I will not be the leader that lets our country fall behind the rest of the Pacific during my reign. That means I need to work harder, work longer than my predecessors. The years that I spent travelling and living an aimless life full of parties and frivolity were years where I could have been properly preparing to lead. It was selfish of me not to think of my people then. I will not make that mistake again.”
“The king and Manu are not your only family,” Lani shot back. “Your child will need you too.”
“My child is not here yet,” Aleki raged. “My child’s mother wants nothing to do with me. The harder I work now, the better life I will be able to provide for my son or daughter. How dare you question my loyalty to my child! They will have a father - a ruler - to be proud of.”
“Are you proud of yourself?”
Hot anger pulsed through him in waves. “You forget your place, Lani. Shut the door behind you.”
Lani’s eyes dropped immediately. In all their years together he had never rebuked her such.
“Yes, sir.” Her normally strong voice was small. “Forgive me. I will check on you again before I leave for the day.” Standing, she moved swiftly to the door, the click of the latch slicing through the tension shimmering in the air.
Aleki sank back in his chair, breathing heavily. A pang of remorse sang through him. Of everyone, he knew that Lani only wanted the best for him. The whole time they had worked together she had always put his needs first. Yet still the weight of unyielding expectation lay on him like a rock. His father, his people, Lani, his unborn child.
When will it be enough?
Once more, his thoughts drifted to his final fight with Stella. The things they’d said, flinging hurt on both sides. He’d replayed it in his mind over and over, examining it from all angles, picking it apart like an equation to be solved. The thing was, he couldn’t solve it. The phone call he’d received from her only served to highlight the gulf between them. He’d been so surprised to hear her voice and desperate not to break down and beg down the line for her return that he’d come across as an uncommunicative asshole. Now, as he sat stewing in guilt about the way he’d snapped at Lani, he could see why.
Words meant nothing. Not to someone like Stella, who had been lied to or her father all her life. Actions spoke louder, and the action he’d taken so far only showed that he didn’t care enough to make room for her in his life.
Grinding his molars against the thought, he pressed the button that would summon Lani to his office.
“Sir?”
Contrition walloped him again as he took in the way Lani peeped around the door, the waver in her voice.
“Lani. Come in, come in.” He waited until she was seated before continuing. “I would like to offer my apologies. My actions were atrocious as an employer and inexcusable as a friend. I am sorry.”
He held his breath until Lani offered a small nod, then exhaled in relief. “Thank you. And thank you for working with me during this time.”
“It has not been the easiest period of my employment,” his assistant acknowledged wryly. “But I’m sure it will get better soon.”
Aleki huffed out a laugh. “I hope so. That was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.” He hesitated, the words playing on the tip of his tongue until he gathered the courage to spit them out, quickly like they’d mean less if they were said at great speed. “It’s come to my attention that I do not handle conflict well. And I was wondering if you could arrange someone for me to talk to. About that.” He shifted in his seat, pinpricks of discomfort swarming under his skin as he stared directly at his laptop screen to avoid seeing any kind of pity or judgement in Lani’s eyes.
“Of course.” Her answer was warm. “There’s a wonderful man I know who helped me when I was planning on coming out to my parents. Would you like me to see if he’s available?”
“Yes, please.” Aleki risked a glance at his assistant, and the pride in her eyes almost knocked the breath from him.
“Any preference for times?”
He shrugged. “You know my schedule better than I do. Just, um-” He cleared his throat, knocking away the lump of anxiety that had been lodged there since Stella had left. “-Maybe just if we could meet quite quickly? And quite regularly, to begin with.”
Lani nodded, and rounding the desk, pulled him into a swift, powerful hug. Before he could raise his arms to embrace her as well, she pulled back, wiped a tear from her cheek and smacked him lightly on the shoulder.
“Eat your chicken.”
Then she was gone, leaving behind the scent of coconut oil and the feeling that he was twenty kilograms lighter.