Now I simply had to stare up at him suspiciously. He wouldn’t see my face anyway. He would still be staring at her.
I was right. He was. His gaze was still firmly fixed on the lady and Lord Dalgliesh.
‘Her nose is very lovely, too,’ he added, sounding more like a salesman at the London market praising a fish of whose freshness he wasn’t convinced than like a passionate lover. Maybe he always sounded like that when he was in love. If so, God have mercy on any poor creature who ever developed real, deep feelings for him! Not that something like that was ever likely to happen.
‘Does it, Sir?’
‘Yes, indeed, her nose has many excellent features. It is straight, not overly long or crooked like those of some other ladies in the ballroom; it has two holes at the bottom, and there is no hair growing out of them. Her teeth are adequate, too - none missing or falling out. I checked. You should always check the teeth first.’
‘I believe that’s when you’re buying a horse, not when you’re looking for a prospective bride,’ I pointed out.
‘Indeed? Well, it certainly cannot hurt to check. In any case, what all this boils down to is that I am in love with Miss Hamilton. Passionately in love.’
‘Yes.’ I bit my lip. ‘You already mentioned that.’
‘And that’s the only reason I came to this ball. To spend time with the woman I am passionately in love with. There was no other motivation.’
Still he wouldn’t even look at me. His words were like sharp pinpricks. I knew they shouldn’t hurt, but they did. With all my might, I avoided looking up into his dark, sea-coloured eyes, staring at the floor instead.
‘Yes, Sir. I understand.’
The dance ended just at that moment, and I had never been so happy about the end of a dance in my life. For once I had no desire to hound him about the contents of the file, or demand equal treatment with men, or do anything else. All I wanted was to be far away from him.
I am in love with Miss Hamilton. Passionately in love.
His words echoed in my head again and again, refusing to leave me alone. The moment he released me from his grip, I stepped back, not wanting him to touch or hold me any longer. I just managed a brief curtsy, then I turned and ran away through the crowd, wishing that in this ballroom there was just one quiet corner where I could hide!
Secret Plans and Politics
There’s no reason to be angry! No reason to be upset! I told myself, chewing savagely on a bar of solid chocolate I had found at one of the refreshment tables. Not in the least! It is typical male behaviour, valuing a pretty doll in a ball gown more than a girl who actually chose to go out into the world and do something with her life. And there’s no reason why that should make you angry! Not in the least!
It didn’t help. The chocolate did to some extent, soothing my nerves a bit, but I was still fuming when I reached a table with free chairs and slumped down onto the nearest one.
And do you want to know what the most infuriating part was?
I couldn’t even figure out why exactly I was so angry! I mean, it wasn’t as though I were entitled attract Mr Ambrose’s attention or even had any reason to wish it. I was his secretary, no more and no less.
It’s the inequality of the thing, I finally decided. It wouldn’t bother you at all if Miss Hamilton were a sensible female who actually worked for a living and stood up to men and their unjust laws. It is the suffragist in you that has taken a justified dislike to her, that is all.
Satisfied with my findings, and very happy about my noble disposition which wouldn’t stoop to something such as petty jealousy, I took another bite of chocolate and moaned as the piece melted in my mouth.
Ohhh…
The chap who invented this was surely the only decent man living! A true genius and benefactor to the whole world. The solid chocolate did wonders for consoling me. I sat at the table, slowly finding my calmer self again and wondering what step I should take next regarding Ella and her unwanted admirer. Maybe if I just pestered him a little more…
‘Lilly, my dear!’
I froze. The voice that had come from behind me was unmistakable. It was the chief fury of hell! Turning, I saw my aunt rush towards me. But for once, she wore no angry scowl directed at me. Instead, her arms were wide open and there might have been actual tears of joy in her eyes.
‘Come into my arms, most beloved niece of mine!’ Before I could run for the hills, she had enfolded me in her arms and was pressing me to her meagre bosom. Startled, I hugged back reflexively. What was this? Could it be that this wasn’t my aunt, but her not-so-evil twin? Or a moving wax replica? Those were the only explanations for the abnormally chummy behaviour of the being in front of me which I could come up with.
‘I saw you dancing with Lord Dalgliesh!’ she exclaimed, and suddenly everything became clear to me. This was still my aunt, as she
lived and breathed. ‘What did you talk about? Did he seem interested in you? Will you see him again? Oh, Lillian, don't just stand there saying nothing. You are always so quiet, girl! You will never get anywhere if you do not learn how to properly express yourself!’
‘We didn’t talk about important things really,’ I murmured, choosing my words with care. I was well aware that I was walking a mine-field here. ‘We just talked about, um… mutual acquaintances, that is all.’
‘Wonderful! Wonderful! You have made a great start with him. Now don't lose sight of him, do you hear me? If you can secure him… Good God! That would probably be the most eligible match in all of England!’