I tried my best to hide my smile behind a page full of banana sales proceeds. ‘Well, there’s this thing I found among your old files - just a little business opportunity that you might want to reconsider taking on. But if you’re too busy here in London…’
‘I’ll decide when I’m too busy, Mr Linton!’
‘Yes, Sir!’
‘Give me that file! Now!’
‘Of course, Sir! Right away, Sir!’
Approximately half a second later I had whipped out the file in question and was over at his desk, proudly presenting the result of my ceaseless searching. With bated breath I waited as Mr Ambrose opened the file and started to study the contents. This was it! My chance to get out of the country and out of the clutches of my aunt, the apocalyptic monster of marriage.
Please, God! Please, I’m not sure whether the heck you exist or not, but please just let him fall for this!
‘What do you think?’ I demanded proudly. ‘Isn’t that an excellent business opportunity?’
He continued to study the file for a few moments. Then, slowly, very slowly, he raised his head and gave me a look. One of those looks.
‘A South American ruin, a seventeenth-century manuscript with coded directions leading to a lost civilization and a hidden treasure in the jungle? Mr Linton, this does not particularly sound like a business opportunity to me - more like the synopsis of a cheap adventure novel.’
‘It is business!’ I protested. ‘And there’s nothing cheap about adventure novels! I should know! I buy at least three every week!’
‘I never would have guessed.’
‘Don’t you like gold and treasure?’
‘I do. Almost as much as I like obedient employees.’
‘So can we go?’
‘No.’
‘But-’
‘What did I just say about obedient employees, Mr Linton?’
‘But think of the opportunity, Sir! The wealth, the profit-’
‘And the opportunity for you to get out of town?’
My ears started to burn. Quickly, I snatched the file back out of his hand. ‘I have no idea what you mean, Sir!’
Blast, blast, blast! How does he know? How the hell can he possibly know?
‘I’m sure you don’t, Mr Linton.’
He can’t know! He’s just bluffing!
Well, maybe he was. But if there was one man on earth who had a better poker face than a marble statue, it was Mr Rikkard Ambrose.
I gave it one last try. ‘Are you sure about not wanting to do this? Just think of all the gold! And it won’t be difficult to get at all! I mean, South America is only a few thousand miles away-’
His cold gaze stopped me cold. No pun intended.
‘I have no time to waste on foolish adventure quests into the South American jungle, Mr Linton! I deal in real business, not fantasy!’
‘Yes, Mr Ambrose, Sir!’
‘Now, get me the next round of balance sheets!’