We once again set out on a northeastern route, Karim at the front, and I, Rikkard Ambrose, t
he richest and most powerful man in the entire Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, trudging after my secretary, who flitted through the forest like a chocolate-addicted sprite with the dress-sense of an inebriated monkey. How the mighty have fallen.
‘Are you enjoying the view, Sir?’ came a cheerful voice from farther up ahead.
Oh yes, I do. Far too much.
‘I’ve seen jungles before.’
‘I wasn’t talking about the jungle,’ she was kind enough to point out.
‘Mr Linton?’
‘Yes, Sir?’
‘Be silent!’
‘Yes, Sir!’
‘And, Mr Linton…’
‘Yes?’
‘When we return to London, you are buying more underclothes!’
‘I don’t know, Sir… Underclothes are quite expensive. Will I get a raise?’
The r-word. It sent a badly needed shock through me and, for a few moments, brought me back to my senses. I shuddered.
‘Don’t stretch my patience, Mr Linton!’
‘Oh well, I’ll stretch something else, then.’ And, leaning against a tree, she stretched herself. Stretched herself like a cat, purring, wanting to be stroked.
My hand was halfway up already when I noticed what I was doing. Clenching my teeth, I jammed it into my pocket.
March. Treasure. Gold. Concentrate!
She apparently didn’t intend to make it easy. Not long after our midday meal, I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. My gaze flicked up to her just in time to see her undo the top button of her waistcoat.
‘Mr Linton!’
Of course, she did the only thing such a loyal and obedient secretary could do - ignore me and open the next button.
‘Mr Linton, what are you doing?’
‘I’m adjusting my attire. Don’t you remember?’ Slowing to a languorous stroll, she half-turned to glance at me. ‘I said this morning that I thought it had got even warmer.’
‘It hasn’t!’
‘Really?’ She undid another button, revealing the soft, sodden fabric beneath, which clung…No! Don’t look. Don’t think. I needed a distraction - anything! Counting gold nuggets, calculating the inflation rate of Paraguay, anything! ‘I feel positively hot.’
‘Mr Linton,’ I commanded, my teeth clenched, ‘cease that immediately!’
‘What?’ Reaching for another button, she teased it with her finger. ‘This?’
A muscle in my jaw twitched. ‘Yes.’
‘But why?’ The button popped open. One gold nugget, two gold nuggets, three gold nuggets… ‘They’re just buttons.’