And, even more terrifying…what would happen if I said yes?
Because a tiny little part of me was actually considering it. It wasn’t that I was confused about my feelings. I didn’t love Captain Carter. Not in that way. But when I thought back on everything we’d been through together, I thought that one day I possibly might. He was the only man I’d ever met who had instantly, without question, accepted me for who I truly was. He had laughed with me and danced with me, had helped me when I needed help and let me be when I needed freedom. If I had to pick one man who would be easiest to live with for the rest of my life, and would never get boring, it would be him.
But…this wasn’t about ease. It wasn’t about boredom. It was about me and what I longed for deep inside.
Did I want him?
The answer rang clear and true in my heart. And it wasn’t a yes. It wasn’t even a no. Because when I asked myself ‘do you want him’, it wasn’t a word that came back as an answer. It wasn’t even a thought. It was an image of a face. The face of Rikkard Ambrose.
Gah!
What was wrong with me? Wanting a man? Fine! That might possibly be squared with my feminist principles, if I managed to put a leash on him and make sure he was house-trained. But wanting a cold, arrogant bastard when a perfectly amiable man was there for the taking - that wasn’t just not feminist. It was insane!
And yet…
And yet…
Growling, I pulled open the door to my female version’s room and grabbed the dress. Time to put on my uniform and march into battle!
Where the Sun Doesn’t Shine
The doors to the small green parlour swung open and, as if by magic, all gazes slid to the door. Captain Carter straightened. Mr Ambrose stiffened (which was impressive, considering how stiff he already was). The ladies all around the room narrowed their eyes.
I smiled, meeting all their gazes, and let my fan snap open. May the battle begin! ‘Oh dear. I hope I’m not too late?’
‘Miss Linton!’
Lady Samantha rushed forward, the relieved look on her face making me almost forgive her for the way she had been shoving girls at a certain someone the entire evening. Heck! Who could stay angry at a face like that?
‘We were so worried! Are you ill? Should I send someone to town for the doctor?’
‘Please don’t trouble yourself.’ Taking her small hands, I gave them a gentle squeeze. ‘It’s nothing serious. I was just feeling a little faint. The cold weather has that effect on me, sometimes.’
‘Oh dear! Really?’
‘Yes.’ A cool voice caressed my ears from behind. I didn’t need to look around to see who had circled the room to stand behind me. ‘Miss Linton is such a delicate flower. A regular damsel in distress.’
Resisting the urge to elbow him in the gut, I gave Lady Samantha a smile. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.’
Unlike your son, once I’m through with him!
‘Lady Samantha?’
That sickly-sweet voice announced the arrival of the enemy. They circled us like a pack of hyenas, their ball gowns swishing, their eyes focused on the single, weak little victim they were planning to devour: me.
I smiled. These ladies were about to get a big surprise.
‘I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure of meeting this young lady before.’ One of the hyenas stepped forward, a perfect smile on her polished face. ‘Would you be so kind as to introduce her to us?’
My eyes narrowed. Introduce her to us… It was always the social inferior who was introduced to his or her superior.
So, you think you’re better than me, do you?
I was just about to open my mouth and tell this witch where she could stick her opinions, when Lady Samantha smiled her most grandmotherly innocent smile and said, ‘Of course I’ll introduce you to her! Miss Linton, may I introduce Lady Eveline Maria Westwood?’
Instantly, the smile disappeared from the newcomer’s face.
Three cheers for Lady Samantha!