“How did this fight go?” I want to touch her. Hold her. But I can’t do it yet, because once I get my hands on her, there won’t be any more discussion. “Why does Paige know so much about it?”
“He didn’t shout. He was angry. He was…surprised. That I’d be in a place like this, with a man like you. He felt like I’d abandoned my entire life in Houston and given up on everything I wanted to do. We’d never have known this kind of place existed when we were younger. He feels like I turned my back on him and I’m getting used by all the rich people here.”
“I want to punch him.” I want this asshole from Texas to understand that he can’t just come here and disrupt everyone’s lives. He can’t scare Paige. He can’t intimidate Paige. “If he comes back here, you’ll tell me.”
“No.” Jane chews at the inside of her cheek. “He’s right.”
“What?” Ridiculous. Noah isn’t right about anything.
“What am I doing?” A disbelieving smile flickers across her face. “I had dreams, and they’re getting derailed. By sex with you.”
“Let’s have sex, then. If I’m going to derail you like that, I want it to be happening already.”
“No, this is what I’m saying.” A pleading frustration comes to Jane’s eyes. “What about college?”
“You can go to college.”
She gives me a look. “And what? You’ll pay for it?”
“Yes.”
Jane rolls her eyes at me. “Like a sugar daddy?”
“No. Not like that.” The thought of that kind of arrangement with Jane feels slimy and disgusting. I don’t want to pay her for her time. I don’t want to buy her affection. I want to give her everything so I can watch her dreams come true. Every last one of them.
“How exactly would it be different?” Jane asks this question like she already knows the answer. “You’d pay the bill and come and fuck me in my dorm room?”
“Jesus. No.”
“You wouldn’t fuck me in my dorm room? There are always strings attached when it comes to money, Beau. Even you can’t deny it.”
“You think I’d pay for college to force you into having sex with me?”
“You don’t have to force me.”
“Exactly.” Anger bursts out of me. “I want you to be able to go to college and not worry about a damn thing, Jane. Why do you think it would become some filthy arrangement?”
“Why wouldn’t it?” Real fear widens her eyes, but it’s gone almost instantly. “We weren’t supposed to get involved in the first place, but we did. Now that I’m not the nanny, I don’t know how this plays out. Do you only want me if you’re forbidden to have me?”
A direct hit. “Maybe I do,” I shoot back, regretting it as soon as the words are out of my mouth. “Do you only want me because I’m a blank check?”
Her mouth drops open. “I’ve never wanted you for your money.”
“Bullshit.”
“I wanted the job for money.” Jane’s eyes flash. “I wanted you because you were convenient. And I thought you might pay me extra.”
“Little liar,” I say, my voice soft. “You wish that was the only reason you slept with me.”
“I’d rather sleep alone tonight.” Jane lifts her chin and dares me to argue with her. I want to do it. I want to invade her space and pin her to the bed and kiss every stupid thing I’ve said to her tonight off her skin. I’d do it if I thought she’d let me.
Jane only pauses to let Kitten dart into her room, and then she shuts the door tight. It’s like being locked out in the rain. My own room at the inn feels cold and empty without her, but I’m sure as hell not going to go beg for her to let me in. If Jane wants to be alone tonight, then fine. Let her sleep alone.
That attitude lasts for about five seconds. Hope crushes it under its heel. I hope to hear her footsteps in the hall while I brush my teeth. I hope again while I plug in the charger to my phone and check for any new emails from the prosecutor. I hope I’ll hear her as I turn out the light and lie there in a bed that’s devoid of any real pleasure, because she’s not in it.
There’s only so much scrolling I can do before my eyes are burning and my head is heavy. At the same time, I’m so wired I don’t know how I’ll fall asleep. It’s too early, but it feels too late. It feels impossible if she’s not here. Forget the phone. Forget everything.
I can feel Jane nearby. I hate that she’s so close, and I can’t see her. But part of me is glad that she’s here at all. Pissed at me or not. Speaking to me or not. That feeling will wear through by morning. Maybe my resolve will, too. Maybe I’ll get out of this goddamn bed and go knock on her door until she agrees to talk to me.