Best Kept Secret (Rochester Trilogy 3)

“More than one bathroom. One of those ones with the towels you’re not supposed to touch.”

The last door on the left opens. Noah looks out at me. “Are you coming in or are you just going to stand in the parking lot?” I go over to the door. He leans against the frame with his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to.” His brittle tone suggests I might be too good for this kind of place.

“Stop it.” I push past him and go into the room. The covers on one of the beds have been shoved back like he tried to sleep, tossed and turned, and gave up. Noah shuts and locks the door. “I didn’t like how things ended on the beach. And you didn’t text me to say you got here okay.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t text me to say you were leaving Houston. I guess we’re even.”

“Honestly, Noah, it doesn’t feel that great to be even.” It feels like shit, actually. I’ve known him longer than I’ve known anyone. This isn’t how it should go between us. “I didn’t come here to fight with you about who texted or who didn’t text. I wanted to talk to you.”

Noah goes over and flips the covers up on the bed, making it in a sloppy, haphazard way. Then he sits down on the edge and gestures at the other bed. I can feel the springs through the mattress when I sit down and fling my purse onto the bed.

“I know you’re pissed.”

“I’m not pissed.” He runs his hands over his hair, which is a wreck. He has smudges under his eyes. “I’m tired.”

“If I could have texted you and given you a warning, I would have. This isn’t because I didn’t want to tell you.”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“Because Paige’s mom was upset when she came to my apartment. Really upset. She had a gun.”

His eyes go wide. “What the hell, Jane? You could have been killed.”

“I know that. But she didn’t kill me. She wanted help, and I wanted to help her. And what I really want, Noah, is to be here.”

“How can you say that when she brought you here at gunpoint?”

“Am I at gunpoint now?”

Noah stares at me, bewildered. “No. That doesn’t mean it’s a good place for you. It doesn’t mean it’s a safe place for you.”

“It’s the right place for me.” I take a deep breath and try to see things from his point of view. It hurts. What I’m doing now wasn’t in the cards when we made our plans. “That doesn’t change the fact that you’re my best friend.”

“Doesn’t it?” I can tell how hard he’s trying not to sound angry. “I wanted you to go places, Janie. Do something with your life. Not disappear into the East Coast.”

And forget about me. Noah doesn’t have to say this part.

“I know it felt like I disappeared, but that’s not what’s happening. I’m choosing this. I love Beau and Paige, and I belong here. I’m choosing this for me.”

“You’re sure?” Noah swallows, and now his expression is consumed with sadness. “I want you to be happy. It kept me up nights, worrying about you.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.” I put all my confidence into my voice. “I understand that you will. We’ll always worry about each other, and care about each other, but—not like that. This is where I should be.”

He stands up and paces to the door, patting his pockets for cigarettes. I grab my purse and follow him. Outside, the air is fresh and clean. The parking lot is empty. It’s like the start of a book. Anything could happen, anything at all. Noah lights a cigarette and leans against the door to his motel room. I lean against the siding next to him. We both look out onto the empty parking lot. Cheap as this place is, it’s still surrounded by trees.

“I want you to come home with me.” Noah doesn’t look at me when he says it.

“I know.”

Silence falls over the empty parking lot. We’re both going to have to call other people for a ride out of here. We won’t be leaving in the same car. I can feel the fight going out of him.

“Is it because he has money?” I hear the pain behind the causal question. Noah doesn’t have the kind of money Beau has. The kind of money Beau has is a fantasy for people like us. A dream that would never come true. “I wouldn’t blame you if it was.”

Maybe it would be kinder to lie to him. To say that it is about the money. Noah might accept it. Money is a way out of a hard life, after all. But I can’t start lying to him now, even if the truth hurts.