Best Kept Secret (Rochester Trilogy 3)

Paige looks at me, blue eyes glimmering with tears. “I want to sit with her.”

“I think she wants to sit with you, too. It’s okay. Go.”

Her wavering doesn’t last. Paige leans against me, a quick hug, and then she bounds across the living room and tosses herself onto the couch between Emily and Beau. Her hands go out and she pulls them both in. All the tension files out of the room like a departing FBI agent. “Hi, baby,” Emily says. And then she looks at Beau over Paige’s head. They’re squished together on the couch, Paige connecting them. “Thank you. For taking care of her.”

He tries to wave it off.

Emily won’t have it. “I mean it, Beau. I know—I know it had to be hard.” She’s stroking Paige’s hair now, the movement natural and familiar. She probably missed those tiny things more than anything. “Burying Rhys, and then the two of you together, all alone. I couldn’t have asked for a better person to step in. I’m going to owe you for the rest of my life.”

“You don’t owe me.” His voice is gruff. A moment of silence passes. “I’m sorry. For not intervening with Rhys. I knew what kind of person he was, and I should have made a point of seeing if you were okay. I regret it.”

“It’s over,” Emily whispers. There’s a complicated relief in her voice. “That’s all over now. I don’t hold any of that against you.”

I feel like a statue. Part of the furniture. I don’t want them to look at me, or notice me—I don’t want this moment for myself. It belongs completely to Beau and Emily, and to Paige, who has her mom back. It’s what she’s wanted most in the world. I’m so happy for her my heart could burst. I’m happy, and so, so sad.

“Just wanted you to know,” Beau says. He looks like a weight has been taken off his shoulders. His regret has been a physical burden for a long time. He never felt right about sleeping with Emily behind Rhys’s back. He never felt right that his brother had died. Never felt right about any of it. Saying the words to Emily seems to heal some of that for him.

Paige pulls up her legs and sticks them across Beau’s lap. I think she might fall asleep like that. He glances down at Paige, and then he smiles at Emily.

They’re such a nice family.

My heart cracks. I get up quietly, so quietly that I don’t distract them. I keep my footsteps soft on the way up to my room. I push the door so it’s almost closed, leaving it open a crack.

And then I press both hands to my chest and try to stop the pain.

They’re such a nice family, down there on the couch. They belong together. Beautiful Emily. Beautiful Beau. Beautiful Paige. They came from this place, and they’re meant to be here together. I feel like I’m falling through the floor of the inn.

I can’t take that away from them. That means I can’t have Beau. I definitely can’t have Paige. Paige doesn’t need a nanny now that she has Emily back. It’s true that my contract with Beau is technically terminated, but I had the idea that I would stay for Paige. How could I have thought that? Emily’s going to take her back. It’s right for a girl to be with her mom. That leaves no place for me.

I try to picture it. Living in Beau’s house and watching them being a happy family. Emily’s voice in the kitchen in the mornings. The three of them walking on the beach. Paige showing off her new sandcastles. A mom, a dad, a daughter. There’s no room in that scenario for a nanny who used to sleep with her boss.

They’re such a nice family. They’re going to be so perfect together. So happy. Who am I to choose anything else? No one. Jane Mendoza from Houston.

I’m leaving.

As soon as the decision is made, I find the will to stand up and head for the dresser. My carry-on suitcase is on top. I unpacked it, but I never put it into the closet. It’s a narrow closet in this room and the suitcase sticks on the door every time. I toss it on the bed. Good decision-making on my part. If the suitcase got stuck in the closet door right now, I think I’d sit down and cry.

There’s not much to pack but I can’t bring myself to do it too quickly. The clothes I threw into the dresser are mostly unfolded. I’ve spent every minute since I got here with Beau or with Paige. I’ve barely thought about my clothes. Only keeping our heads above water.

It’s over.

Where am I going to go?

Not back to Houston.