Best Kept Secret (Rochester Trilogy 3)

“We’re not sad,” I say. It’s half-true. I’m so glad for Paige that she has her mother back. And I’m so sad that the dream I had—of a family with her and Beau—won’t look the same as I pictured.

Paige looks between Emily and me, and then she runs forward and wedges herself between us. It’s the kind of hug that only a seven-year-old can give, slightly gangly and too tight. Oh—this is how it will work, then. Paige will be so happy, and that’s what will matter beyond everything else. The hard conversations and awkward moments will fade into the background.

I take a breath that feels lighter for the first time in days. I didn’t know how much I wanted to watch her grow up until I thought Beau and I were giving her up forever. The thought of never seeing her again tore my heart in two. But getting to see her be with her mom and find happiness again? It will be better than anything I could have imagined.

“Come see my sandcastle,” Paige orders. “It has four towers and four walls. I’m thinking of adding another courtyard.”

Then she runs back to her work, trusting us to follow her. And we do. There was a brief moment in time where this girl was an orphan. She was alone, like me. But there’s a happier ending for her. She has her mother back. And more than that, she has Beau and me. We’ll always be here for her, whatever she needs. She has more family than she knows what to do with. It’s a fairy tale ending for an orphan. My father didn’t come back from the dead, but I still got my happy ending. I have Paige and even Emily. I have Beau, who’s become more than my lover. He’s my family. My everything. My safe harbor in the storm.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Jane Mendoza

The first thing I do when everything is apply to colleges.

I apply to several in Maine. And even one back in Texas, one that had been on my list of dream colleges. It feels surreal when the acceptance letters start coming in.

Beau promises that we can go anywhere, but I know he’s worried about being so far away from Paige. I’m worried about it, too. Not for Paige’s sake. She has her mother back. It’s more about me and Beau. We love Paige. The exact parameters of that love are hazy. Does Beau love her like a father or like an uncle? Do I love her like a mother or a nanny? Precision doesn’t matter when it comes to love. The fact is, we want to be able to see her.

So I accept an offer to join an online program at a small university in Maine. That way we can live in Eben Cape while I get my degree. I can still drive for an hour when I need to meet with my advisor or attend a lecture in person.

Beau turns his attention to building us a house.

It’s only half a mile down the coast from Coach House.

The trees drop their leaves not long after the fall semester starts, and in the winter the unfinished frame looks like a gingerbread house. He installs gorgeous hardwood and solid doors like we had at Coach House. It’s smaller, though. Cozier. Warmer.

It’s more than a house. It’s a home. A family.

Because Beau is there.

“Tell me everything,” he always says, the moment I emerge from my study. And then he listens, his dark eyes on my face, intent as I tell him about some study I read about or some test I’m making. Only when I’m finished does he pull me close and kiss me.

We get to see Paige all the time, almost every day. She’s in school again and making new friends. I know it’s good for her to be with her mother most of the time, and to be back in regular school, but I miss having her around all the time. It’s quiet in the house.

Sometimes I feel guilty for having so much.

I always knew that if I went to college, it would be hard. Really hard. There’s a reason why such a tiny percentage of people who age out of the foster care system finish college. We don’t have a support system. We don’t have money. We don’t have anything.

Survival is the only thing we can manage.

If I hadn’t met Beau, I’d have to work multiple jobs to pay for classes and stay up late studying. I was willing to do it, though. I was willing to be bone-tired and worn thin by the end if it meant I’d get my degree. It meant that much to me.

I do stay up late studying for classes. Not because I’m working two jobs, though.

Beau forbids me from getting a job at one of the cafés in town. I curl up on the couch with my books from class because I want to. At least once a week it makes my throat tight to think of how lucky I am. The girl I used to be would have done anything to have this life. I’d like to believe she would have gotten here eventually.