F is for Finn (Men of ALPHAbet Mountain)

“Look!” he said excitedly. “A dog!”

“It sure is,” I said. “Looks like a Labrador.”

“Labbador,” he tried to repeat. “I love dogs.”

“Oh yeah?” I got down on the floor to be at his height.

“Yeah! Ruff, ruff!”

He moved the dog in the air like it was running and then took off around the room, waving him up and down through the air. I smiled and looked over at Wendy, who had her chin in her hand. She was watching Olly, but she was also watching me. I felt like I had passed some kind of test.

I smiled. I would take as many tests as Wendy wanted to give me if it meant I could be around her a little bit more.

18

WENDY

I had always been of the belief that there was a distinct difference between having a crush and genuinely having feelings for someone.

A crush was that fluffy, tingly feeling you got when you saw somebody you thought was attractive and enjoyed being near. It felt playful and in the moment rather than being something significant you considered hinging future decisions on.

Having feelings for someone was more intense and meaningful. It meant going beyond just thinking someone was fun to look at to a place where that person could make changes in your life. It was being willing to open yourself to them and see if something real could truly happen.

Not that a crush couldn’t develop into something much more, or that having feelings had to immediately be intense, but there was that line. Sometimes a fine line but a line, nonetheless.

Most people had something that told them the difference, that let them know when the shift happened, and they were no longer just crushing but had gone over into the real-feelings sphere. It could be a timing thing or something the person said. For me, one sure way to my heart was through my son.

As soon as I became a mother, my life wasn’t about me anymore. No matter what I was thinking about doing or what I was planning, Olly was always a part of the consideration. I needed to make sure the decision I came to was going to be the best thing for my little boy and would help me give him the best life I could, the kind of life he deserved.

I’d sworn off men after Trip and hadn’t intended on going back on that, but I always knew if there ever was a chance that I’d be in a relationship again, it was going to be with someone who got along with Olly. My boy and I were a package deal, and if he didn’t like a man, I wasn’t going to even give him the time of day. There were countless men out there in the world, but only one Olly.

That was why I knew that night after Finn showed up with spaghetti and meatballs for us for dinner that what I was feeling had turned into more than just a crush.

It was so sweet and considerate of him to bring dinner for us. He’d spoiled me with a kitchen full of food already, but I wasn’t going to turn down the incredible-smelling sauce, big meatballs, and fragrant garlic bread. I had a soft spot in my life for lemon pie and wasn’t ever going to say no to a pastry or an indulgent dessert, but if I had to choose between sweet and salt, I was a savory girl. Somehow, Finn knew I had a great love for rich, thick homemade sauce and juicy meatballs and that if I didn’t pay close attention, I would eat my weight in garlic bread.

I’d show a bit more restraint during my dinner with him, but his cooking was definitely becoming a weakness for me. And I was watching him interact with Olly. Dishing up the pasta and setting the bread on the table, I tried not to look like I was paying attention to their conversation. I wanted them to feel comfortable and natural and to let Finn connect with him on his own terms rather than feeling like he was just trying to impress me.

He focused on Olly and what he was saying as if he wasn’t two years old and they were having a deep, meaningful conversation. Every time Olly pieced together a phrase or two about the dogs he loved so much, Finn reacted like it was deeply fascinating and had never heard that particular piece of information before. When Olly asked if he had a dog, Finn told him he didn’t but that he did when he was a boy and gave him all the details.

I could have listened to them all night. It made my heart warm and my stomach flutter. This was definitely more than a crush. I was falling for Finn, and it was happening fast. Maybe it would still come back to bite me in the ass later, but I was tired of trying to stay away from him and ignoring how I was really feeling.