Not just for the children but for Gianna. How did I not know how much I loved her before sending her away? Even now, when I want to strangle her for wanting to marry someone else, I love her. I’d be damned if someone else is going to marry my woman and raise my kids. I think I growled because Ma literally jumped.
“Gabe, you’re upset.”
“Yes, I am. I love you.” I just walked away because I couldn’t be blaming her for things that were under my control. I could’ve ignored the story she told, could’ve gone about things differently. And maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess. But no, I couldn’t have; it goes against everything in me to live knowing that she’d been hurt and do nothing about it.
She didn’t ask me to give up my life; I’d bet my life on the fact that she had no idea I’d planned to do that. So, she has no blame there, but now I must bear the guilt of not doing what I set out to do. Something else to plague me for the rest of my days. If I commit patricide, how do I lift my kids in my arms? How do I tuck them into bed at night with his blood on my hands?
And then there’s Gianna, I’m so angry at her I want to throw things, but there again I’m the one at fault, she’s right, I’m the one who sent her away, she had every right to live her life the way she saw fit. But I can’t get over the fact that I’d lost so much. And who the fuck is this guy she thought she was going to marry anyway? I wish Ma hadn’t started this impromptu party. I had a lot of questions to ask.
LYON
“So, she’s with him; why do we still need Jimmy?”
“You sure you read Sun Tzu? Don’t you know that kid’s being torn in six different directions at once right now? What do you think is going to anchor him here? You thought the kids would do it, right? What if he gets it in his head to leave her with his family because he’s sure they will take care of her? What then?”
“Damn, I think I see your point.”
“Why do you think I told you to snatch Ricci? You people are too short-sighted. His mother was treated in a way no man could live with, he’d already sent the girl away, yes, he came back once she was found, but didn’t he love her before he sent her away? I bet you he did, or why would he come back now?”
“Sure, the kids are a big draw, but Tzu put more stock in parents than in offspring brother, or spouses for that matter. You mix that shit with the craziness that is Machiavelli, and you’re dealing with a powder keg. There goes another one of your genius freaks out the window. But, if he thinks there’s some dick sniffing around her, he’s not going anywhere, mark my words.”
“You’re contradicting yourself, aren’t you?”
“How so?”
“Well, you said he loved her before he sent her away, and you don’t think he’d stay just for the kids, so why should he care if she’s engaged or not?”
“Are you bent? He’s a man, he can pretty much overlook all those other things, but no matter how much of a disciple he is, that natural instinct of a man is to claim his woman. No man, no matter who he is, can live with that shit. You watch. Just keep Jimmy on ice for a couple of days, and the Russo kid will get his shit together.”
“You seem to know a lot about Tzu.”
“Piss off! Just so you know, Mengele read that shit from cover to cover between the ages of five and six; you’re on your own with that shit.” I can’t catch a break in this bitch! I thought I could spend the next few days relaxing away from the PITA wife and her kids; now I have to babysit this bunch.
I think Mancini is getting old or some shit. If that kid catch them slipping, he’d light all their asses up. How can they not see it? Mancini’s only interest is in landing another brainiac; the guys just go where there’s work to be done, and it’s left to me to see the little cracks in the canvas that they all miss.
He's not just going to turn it off; he can’t. Right now, he’s in a struggle of life and death; for him to live, he must want to. One day is not going to change that shit. He still has Ricci on his mind, he was worried about the girl because she disappeared, but they seem to be missing the fact that had she not, he’d have gone ahead with business as usual. The kids are a nice bonus, but he’d still think as long as he left them and her with his parents, people he trusts, that it was okay to let go because there’s still his mother’s honor to uphold.