Requiem (Delirium 3)

The press of tents and shelters eventually peters out. Ribbons of old pavement, now cracked and fragmented, crisscross the landscape. Vast squares of concrete mark the foundation of old houses.

As we approach the river, we see a crowd has gathered along its banks. People are shouting, pushing and shoving their way to the water.

Now whats the problem? Tack mutters.

Julian hitches the buckets higher on his shoulder and frowns, although he stays silent.

Theres no problem, Raven says. Everyones just excited about a shower. But her voice is strained.

We force our way into the thick tangle of bodies. The smell is overwhelming. I gag, but theres no space to move, no way to bring a hand over my mouth. Not for the first time, Im grateful to be only five foot two; at least it allows me to squeeze through the smallest openings between people, and I fight my way to the front of the crowd first, breaking out onto the steep, stony banks of the river, while the mass of people continues to swell behind me, fighting toward the river.

Something is wrong. The water is extremely lowno more than a trickle, a foot or so wide and hardly that deep, and churned mostly to mud. As the river winds back toward the city, it is filled with a moving jigsaw puzzle of people, swelling into the riverbank, desperate to fill their containers. From a distance, they look like insects.

What the hell? Raven finally pushes her way onto the bank and stands next to me, stunned.

The waters running out, I say. Facing this sluggish stream of mud, I begin to panic. Suddenly I am thirstier than I have ever been in my life.

Impossible, Raven says. Pippa said the river was flowing fine just yesterday.

Better take what we can, Tack says. He, Hunter, and Bram have finally fought their way through the crowd. Julian follows a moment afterward. His face is red with sweat. His hair is plastered to his forehead. For a moment, my heart aches for him. I should never have asked him to join me here; I should never have asked him to cross.

More and more people are flowing down toward the river and fighting for what little water remains. There is no choice; we must fight alongside them. As Im moving into the water, someone pushes me out of the way, and I end up falling backward, landing hard on the rocks. Pain shoots up my spine, and it takes me three tries to stand up. Too many people are streaming by me, shoving me. Eventually, Julian has to fight his way back through the crowd and help me to my feet.

In the end, we manage to get only a fraction of the water we wanted, and we lose some of it on the way back to Pippas camp, when a man stumbles into Hunter, upsetting one of his buckets. The water we have collected is filled with fine silt and will be reduced even further once we manage to boil away the mud. I would cry if I thought I could waste the water.

Pippa and the woman from resistance are standing in the middle of a small circle of people. Alex and Coral have returned. I cant help but imagine where they have been together. Stupid, when there are so many other things to worry about; but still the mind will circle back to this one thing.

Amor deliria nervosa: It affects your mind so that you cannot think clearly, or make rational decisions about your own well-being. Symptom number twelve.

The river Raven starts to say as we get closer, but Pippa cuts her off.

We heard, she says. Her face is grim. In the daylight, I see Pippa is older than I originally thought. I assumed she was in her early thirties, but her face is deeply lined, and her hair is gray at the temples. Or maybe that is only the effect of being here, in the Wilds, and waging this war. It isnt flowing.

What do you mean? Hunter says. A river doesnt stop flowing overnight.

It does if its dammed, Alex says.

For a second theres silence.

What do you mean, dammed? Julian speaks first. He, too, is trying not to panic. I can hear it in his voice.

Alex stares at him. Dammed, he repeats. As in, stopped. Blocked up. Obstructed or confined by a

But who dammed it? Julian cuts in. He refuses to look at Alex, but its Alex who responds.

Its obvious, isnt it? He shifts slightly, angling his body toward Julian. Theres a hot, electric tension in the air. The people on the other side. He pauses. Your people.

Julian still isnt used to losing his temper. He opens his mouth and then shuts it. He says, very calmly, What did you say?

Julian. I place a hand on his arm.

Pippa jumps in. Waterbury was mostly evacuated before I arrived, she says. We thought it was because of the resistance. We took it as a sign of progress. She lets out a harsh bark of laughter. Obviously, they had other plans. Theyve cut off the water source in the city.

So well leave, Dani says. There are other rivers. The Wilds is full of them. Well go somewhere else. Her suggestion meets with silence. She stares from Pippa to Raven.

Pippa runs a hand over the short fuzz of her hair.

Yeah, sure. The woman from the resistance speaks up. She has a funny accent, all lilts and melody, like drawn butter. The people we can gather, the ones who can be mobilizedwe can leave. We can scatter, break up, go back into the Wilds. But there are probably patrols waiting for us. No doubt theyre gathering even now. Easier for them if were in smaller groupsless of a chance well be able to fight. Plus, it looks better for the press. Large-scale slaughter is harder to cover up.

How do you know so much about it?

I turn around. Lu has just joined the group. She is slightly breathless, and her face is shiny, as though she has been running. I wonder where she has been all this time. As usual, her hair is loose, plastered to her neck and forehead.

This is Summer, Pippa says evenly. Shes with resistance. Shes the reason youll be eating tonight. The subtext is clear: Watch what you say.

But we have to leave. Hunters voice is practically a bark. I get the urge to reach out and squeeze his hand. Hunter never loses his temper. What other choice do we have?

Summer doesnt flinch. We could fight back, she says. Weve all been looking for a chance to rally together, make something of this mess. She gestures to the array of shelters, like pieces of enormous metal shrapnel, glittering vastly toward the horizon. That was the point of coming to the Wilds, wasnt it? For all of us? We were tired of being told what to choose.

But how will we fight? I feel shyer in front of this woman, with her soft, musical voice and her fierce eyes, than I have in front of anyone for a while. But I press on. Were weak as it is. Pippa said were disorganized. Without water

Im not suggesting we go head-to-head, she interrupts me. We dont even know what were dealing withhow many people are left in the city, whether there are patrols gathering in the Wilds. What Im suggesting is that we take the river back.

But if the rivers dammed

Again, she cuts me off. Dams can be exploded, she says simply.

We are silent for another second. Raven and Tack exchange a glance. Largely from habit, we wait for one of them to speak.

Whats your plan? Tack says, and just like that, I know its real: This is happening. This will happen.

I close my eyes. An image flashesemerging from the van with Julian after our escape from New York City; believing, in that moment, that we had escaped the worst, that life would begin again for us.

Instead life has only grown harder.

I wonder whether it will ever end.

I feel Julians hand on my shoulder: a squeeze, a reassurance. I open my eyes.

Pippa squats and draws a large teardrop shape in the ground with a thumb. Lets say this is Waterbury. Were here. She marks an X at the southeast side of the larger end. And we know that when the fighting started, the cureds retreated to the west side of the city. My guess is that the block is somewhere here. She hazards an X on the east side, where the teardrop begins to narrow.

Why? Raven says. Her face is alive again, alert. For a moment, when I look at her, I get a small chill. She lives for thisthe fight, the battle for survival. She actually enjoys it.

Pippa shrugs. Its my best guess. That part of the city was mostly park anywaytheyve probably just flooded it completely, rerouted the water flow. Theyll have shored up defenses there, of course, but if they had enough firepower to rout us, theyd have attacked already. Were talking whatever forces theyve gathered in a week or two.

She looks up at us, to make sure were following. Then she draws a sweeping arrow around the base of the teardrop, pointing upward. Theyll probably expect us to go north, toward the water flow. Or they think well scatter. She draws lines radiating in various directions from the base of the teardrop; now it looks like a deranged, bearded smiley face. I think instead we should make a direct attack, send a small force into the city, bust open the dam. She draws a line, sweepingly, through the teardrop, cutting it in half.

Im in, Raven says. Tack spits. He doesnt have to say hes in too.

Summer folds her arms, looking down at Pippas diagram. Well need three separate groups, she says slowly. Two diversionary, to create problems here and hereshe bends down and marks Xs at two distinct places along the peripheryand one smaller force to get in, do the job, and get out.

Im in, Lu pipes up. As long as I can be part of the main force. I dont want any of this side-business shit.

This surprises me. At the old homestead, Lu never expressed interest in joining the resistance. She never even got a fake procedural mark. She just wanted to stay as far as possible from the fighting; she wanted to pretend that the other side, the cured side, didnt exist. Something must have changed in the months weve been apart.

Lu can come with us. Raven grins. Shes a walking good-luck charm. Thats how she got her name. Isnt it, Lucky?

Lu doesnt say anything.

I want to be part of the main force too, Julian speaks up suddenly.

Julian, I whisper. He ignores me.

Ill go wherever you need me, Alex says. Julian glances at him, and for a second I feel the resentment between them, a blunt, hard-edged force.

So will I, Coral says.

Count us in. Hunter speaks for him and Bram.

I want to be the one who lights the match, Dani says.

Other people are chiming in now, volunteering for different tasks. Raven looks at me. What about you, Lena?

I can feel Alexs eyes on me. My mouth is so dry; the sun is so blinding. I look away, toward the hundreds and hundreds of people who have been driven out of their homes, out of their lives, to this place of dust and dirtiness, all because they wanted the power to feel, to think, to choose for themselves. They couldnt have known that even this was a liethat we never really choose, not entirely. We are always being pushed and squeezed down one road or another. We have no choice but to step forward, and then step forward again, and then step forward again; suddenly we find ourselves on a road we havent chosen at all.