“Shoot.”
Donna Dee took great care in tying the new bow onto the coat hanger, a practice which she had started with her first wedding shower. “Everything should be laid out in the open before two people get married, right?”
Hutch licked potato-chip salt off the tips of his fingers. “I guess.”
“Well, it’s about that night y’all took Jade to the channel.”
Hutch froze, his fingers still at his lips. Slowly he lowered his hand and turned to Donna Dee, although his eyes fell short of connecting with hers. His prominent Adam’s apple slid up and down as he swallowed. “What about it?”
“What she said wasn’t true, was it? You didn’t actually rape her.” Donna Dee turned her pointed face up to his.
Hutch deliberated over whether to tell her the truth or what she wanted to hear. He had to admit either to rape or to lusting for her best friend. It was a no-win situation. “Course it wasn’t rape,” he mumbled. “She knew us. How could it be rape?”
“Did she try and stop you?”
His wide shoulders rose and fell in a heavy shrug. “She, uh… you know how some girls say they don’t want it when they really do?”
Donna Dee looked away. “Did you want her, Hutch? I mean, you must have wanted to do that with her or you couldn’t have gotten hard.”
He shifted his big feet on the living-room carpet. “It wasn’t like that, Donna Dee. Swear to God. It was… it was crazy. Hell, I don’t know how else to explain it.” In an impatient gesture, he spread his hands wide, palms up. “It wasn’t like I suddenly made up my mind to fuck Jade, okay?”
“Okay.” Donna Dee took a tremulous breath and released it slowly. “I always thought she had lied about y’all forcing her. She just came on so strong, you couldn’t help yourself, right? You’re human. You’re a man. A man can only take so much.”
He disregarded her rapidly blinking eyes just as she disregarded the beads of perspiration on his upper lip. Neither was being honest, but, for their peace of mind, it was imperative that they continue deceiving each other and themselves.
At their wedding reception, Neal sidled up to Hutch and whispered, “I can highly recommend the maid of honor.”
“That’s Donna Dee’s first cousin.”
“I don’t care whose cousin she is, she screws like a rabbit.” Neal poked him in the ribs. “Think how much fun you can have at the family reunions.”
“You’re crazy,” Hutch growled, shrugging off the companionable arm Neal had draped across his shoulders.
“Hey, my man. Is this marriage gonna cramp your style? I’d hate like hell to see that happen.”
In that instant, Hutch decided to be faithful to his wife. No matter how they whitewashed it to make it acceptable to their consciences, Donna Dee had lied to get him out of a rape charge. Her jealousy of Jade was justified, though neither of them had ever acknowledged that, either. They were bound by a common sin that he didn’t want to compound by being an unfaithful husband. Considering the hardship they had caused Jade, fidelity wasn’t too high a price to pay.
Following their honeymoon trip to Hilton Head Island, Hutch had worked in his daddy’s sheriff’s department until it was time to report to team workouts. Donna Dee was eager to set up household in Columbia. In his opinion, her nesting instinct was overactive. Last night, while they were unpacking delicate china in a room with cinderblock walls, she had informed him of her plans to cut down on her class load.
“We’ll save the money we’d spend on my tuition. Anyway, I’m no brain, Hutch. What will I do with humanities and biology? I know all I need to know about that, right?” She reached out and playfully squeezed his balls.
“You’re still taking your pills, aren’t you?”
“Sure. Why?”
He noticed that she didn’t look him in the eye when she answered. “Because the last thing we need right now is a kid to take care of.”
“I know that, silly.”
“I promised my folks that I wouldn’t drop out of school if we got married. The courses I’ve got to take this year are tough. The coach is on my ass for not digging in and hustling. I can’t take on any more responsibilities right now.”
She set aside what she was doing, put her arms around him, and kissed him slowly. “After all I’ve done for you, don’t you know that your happiness always comes first with me?”
There it was again—that subtle reminder that she had stuck out her neck for him when he had desperately needed it. For the rest of their lives together, was that guilty secret going to serve as a rate of exchange? That dismal thought had plagued him through the night and brought him to Neal’s door this afternoon. Being with Neal and Lamar was like returning to the scene of the crime. It was also like probing a sore tooth. The more he did it, the more it bothered him. The problem was, he couldn’t stop it.
“So, how is Donna Dee?” Lamar asked him now. “I haven’t seen her since your wedding.” The marijuana had mellowed Lamar. He was sprawled in a chair, one slender leg dangling over the padded armrest.
“She’s fine. She said to tell y’all hi.”