When We're Alone

Chapter twenty-four

AVA

ColeandIavoid the rest of the party, watching a film in my room instead. We offer to have Reid join us, but he goes after Stone. I try to subtly quiz Cole on what’s going on there, but he shrugs as if it’s not a big deal. He leaves when the party dies down, and I stay in my room. Stone doesn’t come. The storms are over, so I guess his appearances are too.

I have no fucking idea why he’s mad this time, especially as he saw Cole and Reid together, so it’s quite clear now that I’m not with Cole. Maybe he’s angry I played along with the charade, but hello, he was the one who made it up out of thin air and we had sex this morning. I thought that would’ve been enough of a giveaway. I don’t know why I carried on the Cole pretence for so long anyway, other than I had no reason to defend myself to him. I don’t see anyone Saturday morning, but Millie is back, so I escape the house and spend the rest of the weekend with her, catching her up on everything that went down while she was away. She listens to me rant about the last couple of days with her mouth wide open.

“Jesus, Aves, are you okay?” she asks when I finally break for breath.

“I’m okay,I just wish they’d leave me alone.”

“All of them?” she asks with an arched brow.

“Yes! Stone can go to hell for all I care. And Mason and Reid. They’ll be back to encouraging the pathetic high school bullies tomorrow. They do realise we’re in university, right?” She doesn’t answer, because it’s clearly a rhetorical question. I sigh, bored of my own voice by now. “Tell me about your date,” I say, changing the subject. I’ve monopolised enough of this conversation.

“Eh, it wasn’t anything special. Think I’d have preferred to witness their faces when you were strutting your shit in your underwear instead.” I roll my eyes but smile at the same time. So much for changing the subject.

“Well, I wish you were there too. Thank god Cole seems to be a decent person and didn’t just ditch me there.”

“He sounds great! Is he hot?” Millie asks with a waggle of her brows.

“Very hot, and very into men, unfortunately.”

She sighs. “The good ones always are.”

“Tell me about it.” I lay down on her bed, suddenly bone-tired. Millie joins me, and we turn our heads to look at each other.

“Are you tired? How are the transfusions going?” Millie is one of the only people in the world who know about my condition. It’s not debilitating, but causes severe fatigue and other symptoms without regular transfusions. Something that my father would never accept. I think he thought admitting I needed help was like accepting I was damaged goods, and how the hell would I find a decent husband in that condition?!

“They’re fine, it’s everything else. Stop giving me that pitying look. I can handle it.”

“Oh, I know. They’re going to regret the day they decided Ava Hunter was a weak target.”

When I get back on Sunday to Mum and Foster being home, Stone’s not there. I try to shrug off the disappointment as I welcome them back.

“You’ve both been gone all weekend, some welcome home we get,” my mum jokes. Actually jokes. Clearly that holiday was good for her. I smile at her, but my heart really isn’t in it.

“We’re glad you made it, though,” Foster adds. “We’ll be going away again tomorrow.”

“Oh. That’s quick, but okay.”

“Sorry, we didn’t book the vacation at a very good time, in hindsight, what with everything being so busy.” Mum winces. “Not that you’re used to me being around anyway.” Mum’s words shock me, and I’m not sure what to say. We don’t really talk about things like this. “Actually, Ava, do you think I could have a minute?” She looks nervous and it makes me worry, so I nod silently. Foster excuses himself with a smile and Mum’s gaze settles on me, her fingers picking at her napkin.

“There’s no easy way to bring this up, and I’m quite nervous, so I’m just going to say it.” She’s not looking at me now, and my heartbeat picks up as she clears her throat. “I’m so sorry for how I was when your father was alive.” What the fuck? I try to school my expression, but the surprise must still be evident on my face because Mum gives me a sad smile when she looks up again. “I don’t want to give any excuses, because there is no excuse for how I left you to deal with it, but maybe I can try to explain a little bit?” I nod again, not trusting words because my mouth is now bone dry. “Your father was someone who liked control. I’m not wanting to bad-mouth a man no longer with us, but you know what he was like. When we first got together, I was not in a good place, and I believe he preyed on me at my weakest. Our whole relationship was him dictating what I could do, who I could see, what I could say. And honestly, I was weak. It was easy for me to just go along with it, not having to make any decisions or stand up for myself. But I went along with this for so long that by the time you were born, I didn’t feel like I knew how to make my own decisions anymore.” She wipes at her red-rimmed eyes, but I feel numb. She continues.

“I knew how he would be. I didn’t think he would hit his own child, but clearly I was wrong about that, and I’m so sorry, Ava. I’m so sorry I didn’t stand up for you, but I couldn’t even stand up for myself. I disassociated from you completely. I think subconsciously I thought that if I didn’t bond with you, I wouldn’t feel the emotional pain of seeing you being controlled by your father just like I was, and maybe he wouldn’t try and use you against me. I abandoned you, left you to deal with him yourself, and it’s unforgivable. I will never forgive myself, so I don’t expect you to. I was weak. I am a weak person, but I’m trying to be stronger. I promise. Do you know who inspires me?” She gives a small smile. “You.”

She looks up at me, and that’s when the first tear falls. I don’t even acknowledge it, letting it run free down my cheek. I don’t think I’ve cried in years. It was always pointless; it feels alien to me now. “You’re so strong, Ava, even if your whole life that strength has been taken away from you. You’re incredible, and I’m so proud of you. I know I’ve let you down horribly so far, but do you think I could try and be there for you now?” I nod blankly, still not uttering a word. I’m worried if I do, the dam will break. I don’t feel any anger towards my mum, or my father, honestly. It’s done. I’ve already lived through it, so what’s the point? I swallow my tears, wiping my eyes and making sure my throat is steady before I say anything, because I want to open up too. If this is the beginning of our new relationship, I want to be honest.

“I’m only strong enough to be myself now because he’s gone.” I take a breath, trying to steady myself before continuing. “That’s not strong. The frustration and anger at how weak I was when he was here consumes me.”

“No, Ava, you’ve always been strong. You got through it all alone, and I know you would have flourished, even with him here.” Her faith in me brings more tears. Would I? “You know you don’t need to carry on with anything he wanted anymore, right? I’m trying to go on with the business because he built it and it supports us, and it’s your inheritance, but it’s not your responsibility.”

“I know,” I say with slight confusion. Does that mean I’ll inherit the business, regardless of whether I continue with school and the business degree? “I actually enjoy business. I’d like to be involved.” She nods with a small half smile, but it looks forced. Does she not want me to be? This conversation has been too heavy to get into that today, though. “Thanks for explaining, Mum.” She smiles a bigger, watery smile, and it looks as if the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders. “Foster seems good for you.”

“He is,” she says hesitantly. I hope she’s not worried I’ll disapprove. “When you’re ready, I’ll tell you the story of how we met, thirty-five years ago.” She chuckles when my mouth pops open, and the tension in the air dissipates.

“I look forward to it. Do you mind if I head up? I’ve had a long weekend.” I really haven’t, Millie and I did very little except catch up and eat, but I feel drained. Even so, when I get upstairs I can’t relax, and sleep eludes me that night while my head is swimming with thoughts of my mother and school tomorrow. Still, Stone doesn’t come in.

The morning comes round way too quickly, and to say it’s hell would be an understatement. I thought people would forget about me over the break, but apparently they’ve just used the time to think of more pranks to pull. Midway through lunch, I’m in the bathroom trying to wash coffee out of my blazer in the sinks when Winnie and her cronies come in, stopping their conversation when they see I’m in there. I tense, thinking they might try something physical after the last time I saw her. I could probably take every one of them, but I’m exhausted from last night and being on edge all morning already, and I could really do without it. They don’t come near me, though, heading into the stalls and then using the sinks at the other end where they carry on with their conversation.

“Yeah, so sorry I couldn’t text back much, I was super busy with Stone,” Winnie says way too casually as she fixes her lipstick, and I’m suddenly very interested in what they’re saying.

“On Saturday?” Caitlin asks.

“All weekend.” I can hear the smugness dripping from every word. I don’t dare to look up at her, but I can just imagine the way her mouth would be stretched into a hideous grin. “That guy has stamina.”

“I thought you were on a break?” someone else asks.

“No!” Winnie snaps back at her. “I went away for spring break, but we picked up right where we left off when I got back. Sore is not the word for me right now.”

They leave giggling and the fight leaves my body. I slump forward, my hands against the sink. That fucking prick. Is that what he meant by just us? His bitch of a girlfriend was out of town? And he has the nerve to call me the slut? Well, if it meant nothing to him and he’s back to being the original Stone, then it meant nothing to me either. Pulling my walls up higher than ever, I get ready to head out into the depths of hell… the hallway at Oakview U.