I didn’t wait for him to say another thing as I yanked my arm out of his grip and walked across the living room, leaving the ghost of my dad behind as I told myself I could start fresh. I repeated it over and over again, sure the more I said it, the more it would come true. I was starting over. Creating a new life, cleaning my slate of all the bad memories.
Starting fresh.
* * *
ARIA
The new house was only a five-minute walk to Uncle Brody and Lola’s. It meant I could walk to school and not have to rely on Mom or Sal giving me rides, and it would give me more independence. I should have been happy about it, but I felt…strangely calm. Calm about everything going on around me. Calm about the people coming in and out of the new house.
My heart beat a steady, slow rhythm. My eyes soaked in every corner of the house, most importantly, my new bedroom. There weren’t remnants of aluminum foil stuck to the edges of the window, and the inside of my closet doors weren’t covered in the stuff. It was brand new, a fresh start.
I’d slept on the mattress on the floor last night, but Sal had just finished putting the bed together, and now my furniture was being placed inside the room. It was twice the size of my old one, and I hated it. I hated the space. I hated the light that shone through the big windows. I hated how I didn’t feel safe here. The walls were white and lifeless, much like me. The wood floor was dark oak and felt cold, much like my skin. It wasn’t somewhere I wanted to be, but I didn’t have a choice.
“Aria?” a voice I knew so well called, but I couldn’t even bring myself to smile as Belle ran into my new bedroom. She gasped, her eyes widening. “Wow. This is huge!”
I nodded and stared around the room. “It is.”
“Are you going to decorate it?” she asked as she ran to my bed and bounced on it. She yanked the bow out of her hair, screwed her nose up at it, then threw it on the floor. I didn’t know how many times Lola was going to keep trying to get her to be girly.
“I don’t know,” I told her, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. “I hate the white. It’s so—”
“Cold,” Belle interrupted. “You should paint it black.”
I raised my brows at her words. “Black?”
She nodded and steepled her palms together then pressed the tips under her chin as she assessed the room. “Yeah. That wall could be black. You could make it into a chalkboard wall!”
I tilted my head to the side and stared at the wall. It wasn’t a bad idea if I were honest. It would also give me something to do and keep my mind occupied off the fact tomorrow was my first day back at school. “Wanna help me?” I asked her.
“Yes!” She jumped off the bed and grabbed my hand then dragged me from the room and down the stairs. Belle was a girl on a mission. “Ford!” She bypassed Mom and Lola in the hallway and headed right for Uncle Brody and Ford. “We need a ride,” she told him, planting her hands on her hips as she stared up at him.
“That right, Baby Belle?” Ford asked and crouched down in front of her. His lips spread into a smile I’d not seen on his face before, one specially reserved just for her.
“Yep.” She nodded several times. “We need to go to the DY store.”
“DY?”
“DIY,” I interrupted. “She means DIY.”
“Okay.” Ford dragged the word out. “And what are we going there for?”
“Paint, duh.” Belle threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s go.” She grasped my hand again and pulled me across the room. “Oh, I need to get some money from Uncle Sal.” She let my hand go and ran back up the stairs, but still, I couldn’t seem to smile up at her. She always managed to break through everything and have me feeling like me, but today it wasn’t working. She had a sixth sense on how to cheer people up. I just wished I could allow myself to feel it.
“Aria?” Mom called. “Where are you going?”
“To the store,” I told her and ambled over to her and Lola. “Belle wants to help me paint my room.”
Mom bit down on her bottom lip, her gaze flicking to Lola and then back to me. “I think we need to talk first.”
“Talk?” I frowned and took a step back. Mom never wanted to talk, not unless it was about something that didn’t really matter.
“Yeah.” Her breath was audible as she let it out. “About yesterday.”
Silence stretched between us, neither of us willing to take the conversation any further. I’d exploded in the apartment yesterday, but I’d pushed it all down because that was what she’d wanted. I’d adhered to her request, so she couldn’t change the rules of the game now.
“You need to talk it out with your mom,” Lola said, her voice soothing, but it did nothing for me. All it made me do was shutter everything down even more than it already was.
“No.” I shook my head and took another step back. “I don’t need to talk.”