“Grown-ups are so boring,” Belle whispered to me, but I didn’t look down at her. I kept all of my attention on Mom and Sal as she looked back at him and then out at the crowd.
“Christmas is just around the corner,” Mom started, “so we’ve decided to have a February wedding.”
My heart stalled, my pulse slowing down so much I was sure I would pass out. She knew what that month meant, she knew the agony and torment associated with it, and yet she chose it anyway. What was the rush? Why did they feel the need to get married so soon?
I stood, nearly toppling the drinks on the table. No one looked my way as they all cheered and spoke about when invites would go out. The air around me buzzed as I stumbled to the side and into the back of one of the booths.
“Aria?” Belle’s small voice called, but I ignored her as my fingers curled around the leather, the only thing keeping me planted to the universe I’d found myself in. I tried to slow my breathing down, but nothing was working. I was trapped, and I couldn’t see a way out.
I finally looked up and stared at the door. I mentally counted the nu
mber of steps it would take, and then took one at a time. By the time I pulled the door open, the world was tilting, and my breaths were pants I couldn’t gain control over. I knew my reaction to them setting a date wasn’t normal—I knew that. But it didn’t make an ounce of difference. My body had taken over, and there was no fighting to get it back.
My back scraped against the brick wall outside the diner, and I let myself drop to the ground. My palms dug into the gravel surface, the small stones biting into my skin and reminding me I was still here.
The sounds of the party were muted, but I couldn’t stand to listen to them. I looked over at the windows, seeing everyone having fun, and knew I couldn’t be here anymore. I couldn’t sit and watch them all smile and laugh, not when I was falling apart piece by piece.
I spotted Belle talking to Ford and pointing out of the window, and when his gaze met mine, I stood. My stomach churned as I let my feet take me away from here. I let them dictate where I would go.
The music got lower as I reached the edge of the lot, but I didn’t turn back when my name was called. I couldn’t face anyone. I wasn’t sure how long I walked for, and I wasn’t sure how many miles I’d gone, but when I stopped and saw the sign for the cemetery, I realized my heart had taken me to the root of the problem.
If it weren’t for the man buried in those grounds, I wouldn’t be this way. I wouldn’t have the memories that haunted me. My hands clenched into fists as I pushed through the gates and toward his headstone. The words etched into the surface were lies. Lies to make him look better.
Loving husband and father.
It was all a lie. A lie I’d kept hidden which had destroyed me in the process. “I hate you,” I whispered, staring down at him. “I hate you,” I repeated, louder this time. I backed away a step and let my head drop back, then shouted, “I hate you!”
I didn’t know what I was expecting. Maybe to feel some relief. Maybe to feel different. But it didn’t change anything. He was still ruining my life even when he wasn’t breathing, and I didn’t know what to do to change it. I had no idea how to fix what I’d become, and it was all his fault.
I took one last look at his name, burned the memory into my mind, and promised myself I’d never come back here.
Chapter Seventeen
ARIA
My Converse slapped against the concrete sidewalk as I walked into the parking lot of the school, but I didn’t take in any of the faces or words slung my way. I was blocking them all out and doing my best to survive.
Survive.
Just for one more day.
I just had to get through the next few hours and make it back to my bedroom where I was safe from everything. Safe from the world. Safe from…everyone.
I jogged up the stairs and headed for my locker, intent on going to my first class. The hours dragged by, each one taking what felt like forever. Lunch came and went without Hope again. I hadn’t spoken to her for weeks which was easier to do because of the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas had gone by uneventfully, at least, to everyone else. I was too afraid to talk to anyone, especially Hope, because I was sure she’d see through everything and figure out what was happening to me.
I didn’t need her help. I didn’t need anyone’s help.
The bell rang out for the second-to-last class of the day. Only a few more hours and then I could lock myself away for the night inside the empty house. Students barged past me in the hall, but I was used to it now. Since I’d knocked Jasmine out, nothing much had changed, apart from her locker no longer being next to mine.
Goose bumps spread along my skin, my hair standing on end, and I looked around, trying to figure out what had caused it. I stumbled when Cade’s dark-blue eyes connected with mine, but it wasn’t them that had me standing still in the middle of the hallway. It was Miss Simmons’ hand on his chest that had the wall crumbling down around me.
He didn’t move her hand off him. He let her touch him in the same way I had.
Sometimes, all it took was one thing to knock you over the edge completely and have you falling to your death. They said you’re meant to get back up when something knocks you down, but what if you’re punished with blow after blow? What if each one pummels you farther into the ground until you’re part of it, never able to separate yourself?
I closed my eyes, sure I was seeing things, but when I opened them back up, she was still touching him, and he was still staring at me. I didn’t know what to do or how to react, so I spun around and headed for the bathroom.
My breaths heaved out of me as I halted in the middle of the room. I turned toward the sinks with small mirrors attached to the walls above them, and I blinked. Stared. I saw…nothing. There was nothing behind my eyes that were surrounded in dark circles, and my lips sat in a straight line on my face, a face that was paler than usual.