I pushed my chair back, the legs scraping o
n the floor. “Keep me updated.” My cell vibrated in my pocket, and I didn’t even need to look to know it was most probably Hut sending me a message. He was being a needy little shit now that he was down two crew members.
“Will do,” Ryan said as he and Kyle headed out, leaving only me and Jord.
The vibrating of my cell stopped as Jord turned around on his chair and leaned his forearms on his thighs.
“So…”
I raised a brow. “So?”
“That thing we talked about before you went away for the week.”
Lola. I wanted to say I’d forgotten about the conversation we’d had, but that was before…
Before she knew who I was.
Before she didn’t warn me not to touch her.
Before I’d destroyed everything I had that I never knew I wanted.
“Right.” I cleared my throat, looking anywhere but at him. I hadn’t told any of the guys that she knew who I was, much less that she was keeping it a secret. I wasn’t going to confront her about it.
At least, not until this was over anyway.
But then, what good would it do? It wasn’t like I could go to her and we could live happily ever after. She lived with a stepbrother who controlled who she saw—or he thought he did—and I had a wife at home, a wife who deserved better than how I’d been acting.
“What does ‘right' mean, Brody?”
I met Jord’s stare, hoping he couldn’t get a read on me. “Nothing, just that I’m not sure how we should proceed—”
“Bullshit.” He stood up, his towering height would be frightening to anyone else, but as he was only a couple of inches taller than me, I didn’t bat an eyelash. “Something happened.” He pointed at me. “Tell me what happened.”
“Nothing—”
“Brody.” He paused. “I’m not Ryan or Kyle. It’s me, the guy who shared a dorm room with you all through the academy. The first person you told when Moira was pregnant, and the man who threw your bachelor party even though I thought you were making a mistake.”
I tilted my head to the side. “You thought I was making a mistake?”
“Not the time to talk about that right now, B.” He leaned against the desk and crossed his arms over his chest, straining the fabric of his T-shirt. “What happened?”
“Shit.” I scrubbed my hands over my face, wishing everything that had happened was a figment of my imagination, but it wasn’t, and I only had myself to blame. “I was on the last day of leave.” I stumbled back and sat on the edge of the table. “Cade has been having tutoring sessions with one of the waitresses at Sal’s.” I looked over at Jord and could see the questions in his eyes. “So I went to go and pick him up, and there she was, sitting opposite my son after buying him a burger, and listening to him telling her all about his dad, the DEA agent who’s married to his mom.”
“I—”
“It was Lola.” I pulled in a breath. “Lola was his tutor.”
Jord’s mouth opened and closed several times, but from the unsurprised look on his face, he already knew. “Jesus, B. She could have blown the whole case in a matter of seconds. What the hell were you thinking going back in there and not telling us she knew about you?”
I couldn’t tell him all I was thinking about had been to see Lola again, to try and explain to her something I couldn’t even make sense of myself. I couldn’t tell him that I’d needed to see her face again.
I ran my hand through my hair. “I was thinking it was a risk I was willing to take so we could end this goddamn case.”
Jord’s nostrils flared. “So she knows who you are?”
“Yeah, and she’s not said a word to Hut.”
“And how do you feel about it?” Jord knew something had happened between Lola and me—the whole team knew. I hadn’t confirmed it, but they knew me better than anyone else.