I stumbled over to the chairs in the waiting room, tears burning my eyes and making it difficult to see the paperwork. How was I meant to do this on my own? Could I do this on my own? I’d finally gotten away from Hut and into my own place, but now I had this to tackle. Life was throwing things at me left, right, and center. The only difference was, I’d caused this. I’d had sex with Brody without protection, so I was the only one to blame.
“Hon?” Jan placed her hand on my arm. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” I looked over at her, the tears slipping free and tracking down my face. “I don’t have insurance. How am I meant to do this when I can’t even pay to see a doctor? What if this is all a mistake? What if I’m a terrible mom? What—”
“Hon.” Her smile was small, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “One step at a time, okay?” I sniffled and wiped my arm over my face. “First thing is your insurance.”
“I don’t have—”
She nodded. “You do.”
“I—”
“I told Sal that I think you have the flu and don’t have insurance.” She shrugged, her lips kicking up more on one side. “You know what that man is like. He added you on to his right away.”
“What? But…” I trailed off.
“Listen, we’ll have this appointment, and we can worry about all the rest later, okay?” Jan plucked the clipboard from my lap and started to fill in some of the sections. “You don’t have to tell Sal yet if you’re not ready. I know you have some things going on, and I won’t pry.” She paused and looked up at me, her brow raised. “But know that I’m here if you do want to talk.”
I blew out a breath and leaned back in the chair. Everything
was moving too fast, and it was taking my brain a few minutes to catch up with everything. She was right, though. One step at a time. Get this appointment done, and then I could tackle the rest.
“Here.” Jan passed me the clipboard back. “Fill in the rest.”
I stared down at the paper and she’d filled most things in. All I needed to add was my last name, my birth date, and my social security number. She’d even added herself and Sal as emergency contacts. I focused on my task, filling it in, and I’d only just clipped the pen to the top when someone called my name.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” Jan asked.
“No.” I shook my head. I had to tackle at least one thing today on my own. “I’ll be okay.”
“Good.” She smiled the kind of smile my mom used to give me when I was a little girl and I’d done something to make her proud. “I’ll be right here when you’re done.”
“Thanks, Jan.” I walked over to the woman waiting next to the door that would lead to the examination rooms and handed her my clipboard.
“This way, Miss Martin.”
I wanted to tell her it was Lola. Just Lola. But my words had made a hasty retreat, and my mouth refused to work.
She led me into a room, shutting the door behind us. “If you get undressed, the sonographer will come in and do the ultrasound scan. Then the doctor will come and see you.”
I stared at the bed and the big machine next to it. “O-okay.”
She turned around, opened the door, and exited, leaving me on my own with my thoughts. It was a dangerous place to be right then, but Jan’s words echoed in my head. One step at a time. Step one was to get undressed, and I did so with shaky fingers and a stomach that thought it was on a roller coaster. I pulled on the paper-type gown that was on the bed and stood there, waiting. Should I actually get onto the bed? Or did I—
The door swung open, and a woman with graying hair and light-blue eyes appeared. “Lola Martin?”
I nodded and clutched my hands in front of me as she clicked the door closed. “That’s me.”
“Wonderful.” She moved over to the machine and sat on the small rolling stool in front of it. “Take a seat while I get us all set up.”
Trying to keep your dignity in a paper-like gown and climb onto one of those beds was almost impossible, but the woman didn’t seem to notice. Either that, or she’d seen it several times over.
“I’m Joy Grey.” She clicked some keys and looked over at me. “We’ll be doing an internal ultrasound today. Is that okay?”
“I...yeah.”
She plucked a wand-type thing off the side of the machine and covered it with what looked like a condom and then squirted something on it. “I know this can be scary,” she said, her soft voice relaxing me. “But it’ll all be over in seconds.”