I worried my bottom lip and inhaled a breath. I had to tell him what was going on. He’d heard what I said in the interview room, but he hadn’t listened to what I was saying. He didn’t know what I planned to do. He had no idea other than me repeating what Hut had said.
I stepped toward the kitchen and tried to calm my racing heart. I pulled open the first drawer as I heard Brody moving, and when I glanced back, he was watching me but still sitting on the sofa. I retrieved what I had to show him and spun around, wanting to close the distance between us but scared to do so.
“I was trying to do this the right way,” I started. I held my breath for a second and let it burst back out of me. “I need to explain everything.”
“Lola—”
“No.” I shook my head and held up my hand, aware of the shaking of my fingers. The last couple of days had been a whirlwind and a shit storm all rolled into one, but I had control over this right now. “Let me explain.” I took a step forward. “When you came to my apartment that first time, I’d only found out the night before.” He frowned and stood. “I should have told you then, but…I didn’t want you to choose me because of this. I wanted you to be with me because you wanted to be with me.”
“Darlin', it was never a case of me not wanting to be with you.” He took another step, leaving only another three between us. “I meant what I said then, and I mean it now.” He paused. “I love you. There was never any doubt in my mind about that.”
I tried to push past the lump building in my throat to get it all out. “I didn’t mean to keep it a secret. I just…I didn’t know what to do. And then you came to me and…” I blew out a breath. “This whole thing is a mess, Brody.” I closed my eyes, letting the tears fall that had been threatening. “I’d understand if you wanted to walk away, but know I’d do this alone. I’m in this with or without you.” I opened my eyes, and he was right in front of me. “But I’d prefer if you were in with me.”
He stayed silent, and I had no idea what he was thinking. His features were schooled into a carefully honed mask.
“I…” I couldn’t get the words out. The last time I said them it’d been in a last-ditch attempt to save myself, and it had worked, but not without pain in the process. Instead, I handed him the ultrasound picture.
He
took it, and I noted his shaking hands. He was affected, no matter how much he tried to hide it. He stared down at it, back at me, and opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“That…” I pointed to the little blob. “Is our baby.”
A noise slipped from his mouth, and it was unlike anything I’d ever heard before. I stared up at him, waiting to see what he would say, but he was looking at the ultrasound picture.
“How far—” He shook his head and met my stare. “How far along are you?”
“Thirteen weeks.”
I couldn’t get a read on him. He was giving nothing away, and that made it worse than anything else. He was processing, I understood that, but I needed…something.
“This is…a lot to process.” He held the picture up. “Can I keep this?”
“Yeah.” I nodded my head way too many times to look normal. “It’s yours.”
He smiled that small smile that always hit me in the gut. “You should get some rest.”
I agreed with him, but I was desperate to know what he was thinking. We were in limbo yet again, but at least this time everything was out in the open. “Will you sit with me while I fall asleep?” I asked, stepping back.
He pushed the ultrasound picture into his pocket. “Yeah, I’ll sit with you for a while.”
For a while. He’d be here, at least for a little while.
* * *
BRODY
I placed the key in the lock and turned it, telling myself I was only checking on Lola to make sure she was still there. It was more than that. I knew it, and she knew it, but I could only deal with one thing at a time.
Time was of the essence with the case, which was why I was getting into the office at the same time as Aaron at stupid o’clock in the morning. But first, I had to check on Lola.
I’d wanted to stay the night. Every fiber of my being hadn’t wanted to leave her in this apartment, but Cade was at home, so I had to. I’d left just after midnight and found the maintenance man of the building. He hadn’t wanted to give me a key to her apartment, but one flash of my badge and he handed it over. That wasn’t a good sign. Anyone could have come in and shown him a badge to get what they wanted. Just another reason why I had to get this case handled, because the sooner I did that, the sooner we could start our life together. Just the two of us—soon to be three.
Fuck. She was pregnant with my baby, and I was over the fuckin' moon. But she didn’t know that yet. I should have told her last night that I was all in, that it was never a question whether I would do this with her. But I’d been stupid and let my emotions get to me. As soon as I made sure the case with Hut was handled and nothing would come back on her, I’d shout it from the goddamn rooftops how much I love her and our unborn baby.
I walked to her bedroom and peeked in, seeing her fast asleep, her arms spread wide, and a small smile on her face. She rolled over, groaning, and her hand moved to her stomach. My hands were moving before I could stop them, and my large palm covered hers. “I love you,” I whispered to both Lola and the baby.
A couple of minutes ticked by, and I stayed in the same position, just staring at my hand over hers. Finally, I backed away, confident she was okay right now. She’d need to process what happened with Hut, but the fact that she kept repeating she didn’t have a choice meant it wouldn't haunt her as bad as it could have. She knew Hut better than any of us, which meant she knew he wouldn't have given up, no matter what.