“Cheers.” I clicked my glass against his and downed the shot. “Let’s watch a movie.” I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, heading straight for Netflix and pressing on the first movie I could find. I wasn’t even sure what it was about, but it was just background noise to drown out my thoughts at this stage. I poured myself another shot and leaned back on the sofa, drinking it up and wincing at the burn.
“Jeez, Belle. You’re going hard tonight.” I chuckled at Curtis’ words but didn’t look over at him as he stretched his arm behind me on the back of the sofa. “You sure everything is okay?”
“Yep.” I heard footsteps but didn’t turn to look. “I’m good. Better than I’ve ever been.” I kept my gaze focused on the TV, knowing that I was lying through my teeth. I wasn’t good. I was so far from good it wasn’t even funny, but it wasn’t like I could talk about it. It wasn’t like I could spill my guts to Curtis and tell him that the man I’d had a crush on since before I could even remember had kissed me and then told me it was a mistake.
In the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t anything life-altering, but right then, my heart denied that truth. I was licking my wounds, and alcohol always made them heal faster.
Chapter Eight
FORD
I growled and pounded my fist on her bedroom door for the sixth time, wondering if she was ignoring me on purpose, or was still asleep after her session with Curtis last night. I’d sat and watched Belle drink herself into a stupor with Curtis next to her and got angrier and angrier the more time went by. Had I not been here, I had no idea how Curtis would have behaved with her.
It wasn’t the first time I’d heard his name, but it was the first time I’d met him. And the fact that he was supplying Belle with the alcohol she wanted meant he had a black mark against his name in my book. Who th
e hell supplied an underage girl with alcohol? And okay, I was aware she was only underage by six months, but the law was the law for a reason, and this fucker had broken it. But I hadn’t been able to do anything about it, not after what I’d said to her.
“Belle?” I called again. I huffed out a breath and looked down at the time on my watch. “You’re gonna be late for your shift at the shelter.”
I heard a bang come from inside her room and then a groan. “I’m awake,” her rough voice said, and I couldn’t help the quirk of my lips. Yesterday was a day that I wanted to forget. I didn’t want to remember the way her eyes dimmed as I told her it was a mistake when we’d kissed. I didn’t want to think about the sagging of her shoulders, and I really didn’t want to think about the way she’d shut down her emotions in the blink of an eye and got into my car.
She didn’t understand I was saving her from me. She didn’t need someone like me in her life in that way. I may have been on the right side of the law now, but that didn’t mean I didn’t do bad things. Even the law crossed boundaries and made it okay to hurt other people. I wasn’t the kind of man she should latch on to. I wasn’t the kind of man who deserved someone so good in his life—at least, not in that way.
She was better off without me. All I’d do was bring her pain, and I wasn’t willing to let that happen. I’d given her some bullshit excuse about it being because she was my boss’s daughter, but in reality, I didn’t give a fuck about that. I was doing it for her. I was denying what I wanted to protect her. Because I’d always protect Belle, at any cost.
Her bedroom door swung open, and her face appeared, covered in the largest sunglasses I’d ever seen. “Let’s go,” she croaked out as she pushed past me. I stared at her as she walked down the hallway and toward the front door but didn’t move as she halted next to it. Even in her hungover state, she knew not to go outside without me checking first. I expected her to give me a snarky comment when I hadn’t moved, but all she did was stare at me. I couldn’t see her eyes behind her sunglasses, and I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her I didn’t mean what I’d said yesterday. That I despised seeing Curtis next to her with his arm behind her on the back of the sofa. But I didn’t. Instead, I walked toward her, pulled the door open, checked it was okay, and then gave her the nod for her to follow me.
My stomach churned the closer we got to my car, knowing we’d have to be in an enclosed space, and I wondered if she felt the same. Belle was never one to hold back on what she thought. She always made sure people around her knew exactly what she was thinking. But right then, I had no idea what was going on inside her head. Maybe that was a good thing, though. I needed to distance myself as much as I could because the closer we got, the harder it would be when I’d have to leave.
Because that was what would happen. It was inevitable that at some stage, I wouldn’t be here anymore and would be undercover on another case. I’d be gone for months at a time, and that was no way for her to live. I refused to let her settle for something like that. She deserved a guy who doted on her, and more importantly, was around when she needed him, and not in the middle of nowhere trying to take down drug dealers and gangs.
And with those thoughts in mind, I knew I was doing the right thing. This was for her. I was making sure she was the happiest she could be.
The silence stretched between us as we got into the car and made our way to the shelter, and by the time we got there, she’d pulled her sunglasses off. But she didn’t look at me. She just walked into the shelter and got on with her shift while I tried to fade into the background. I watched her feed all the animals and do some admin work, but it was when she opened Lottie’s kennel that I nearly cracked.
She pushed her face into the fur of Lottie’s neck and held on to her tightly. I knew I should have stayed toward the back of the kennels where I’d been standing for the last two hours, but I couldn’t help moving closer. My feet carried me before I even realized, and by then, it was too late because Lottie had seen me.
Belle whipped her head around, her blue eyes staring up at me. “Hey,” she croaked out. “My shift finishes in fifteen.” She paused, her hand still stroking Lottie’s back. “Is it okay if we take Lottie for a walk after my shift?”
“Yeah,” I said, my voice cracking.
She nodded. “Would you get her harness and leash? It’s in the office.”
I spun on my heels and headed to the office without a word, needing to get away. The Belle I’d known as she grew up never held things inside, but the one around me now only seemed to do that. It was almost as if she was too scared to say what she really thought, and I didn’t like that one bit. I wanted her to speak her mind, to tell me how she was feeling, but I didn’t know how to get her to do that.
I grabbed the harness and leash, which had Lottie’s name on, and then made my way back to them. Lottie was waiting patiently, her side pressed against Belle’s thigh, and I knew the black jeans she had on would be covered in dog hair in no time.
“Thanks,” Belle said as she took the leash and harness from me. It only took seconds for her to get it on Lottie, and then she locked the kennel behind her. “I’m going to tell Jamie that I’m leaving.” She handed me the leash, and Lottie sat next to me, her gaze fixated on Belle as she walked away. I moved my palm between Lottie’s ears and didn’t move from the spot I was in until Belle reappeared.
It was awkward between us as we exited the shelter, but I didn’t know what to say to break the tension. There wasn’t anything I could say, not unless I was going to tell her the truth, but I wasn’t sure I even wanted to admit that to myself, never mind saying it out loud. My head was a mash of thoughts, but I knew one thing—when Belle looked at me, I never wanted her to turn away.
I was here to do a job, but that didn’t mean spending time with her almost twenty-four hours a day didn’t enlighten me on the woman she’d become. Everyone always saw her as a little girl, someone who needed to be protected from everything. And I wasn’t saying she didn’t need protecting, but there was so much more to her, and I was only now seeing that.
Her caring nature, and the way she was with the animals in the shelter, spoke volumes. Not many people volunteered their time to causes like these, but she didn’t even think about it like that. She loved each and every animal in this shelter, maybe a little too much. But that was the beauty of Belle. She cared more than most people.
I was witnessing a side to her I never even knew was there, and that was part of the problem. The more time I spent with her, the more time I wanted. It was a vicious circle, one I needed to get out of as soon as I could because I was afraid that if I didn’t, I’d be stuck here forever.